Best man man probably not coming to the wedding

allison91685 · June 2014

Maggie0829 · June 2014

allison91685 said:

My Fiance's best man is probably not coming to our wedding. He is 35 years old and lives with his parents along with his wife (same age) and two twin boys who are barely a year and a half old. He announced to us on a visit to his parents that his wife was pregnant with a third child they can't afford and she is due 4 days after the wedding and that's why he probably can't make it. Regardless of the fact that due dates are inaccurate at best and his wife delivered their boys 4 months early last time, I see no valid reason other than his wife actually being in labor or having a strong chance of being in labor that weekend, as to why he can't make it a day trip since they only live a few hours away from where the wedding will be.
I don't meant to sound so harsh about my future BIL but he and his wife are not good people. They live with my FI's parents and mooch of them to the point where even an unbiased observer would be disgusted. Both of them talk down to his sweet and caring mother daily and they even had the nerve to start talking to me like that once. I had the backbone to politely call them out on their inappropriate behavior but my poor mother in law feels that she has no choice but to put up with their behavior. I could go into so much more detail regarding their inappropriate behavior and horribly poor decisions but the gist of it is am I unreasonable for being angry about my future BIL declaring he probably won't be coming? My FI feels the same but is afraid and/or embarrassed about talking to his big brother (FI is 3 years younger) about how he feels do to years of underlying guilt regarding him being the more successful brother.

Seriously? First, you do realize that her having her twins 4 months early is extremely dangerous and in no way should be repeated with her next child? She is probably praying that she makes it to her due date this time around. Second, a child, especially a brand new child that could be born at any time around your wedding date, trumps your wedding. Period.

Yes you are being extremely unreasonable for not understanding that this man does not want to leave his wife, who could give birth at any moment, with their young twin boys just to make it to your damn wedding.

Honestly, you sound horrible. You are very judgmental about their living situation and you probably only see what you want to see in regards to their behavior.

Your FI brother had the decency to tell his brother about his predicament ahead of time which is more then some people get or ask for and in return you and your FI decide to be pissed that he is giving up coming to your wedding to take care of his very pregnant wife and his boys. Yeah, not cool.

And to the bolded. What the actual fuck. You and your FI need to get off your high horses.

allison91685 · June 2014

Thanks so much. It's fine to disagree with how I feel but you went way to far and should be ashamed of yourself.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

allison91685 said:

Thanks so much. It's fine to disagree with how I feel but you went way to far and should be ashamed of yourself.

I am not ashamed of myself at all. Please re-read what you wrote. You are acting childish and judgmental. If anyone should be ashamed of themselves it is you.

emmaaa · June 2014

It isn't really your place to decide what is an appropriate and accepted excuse for them not being there. They may be worried about her pregnancy since she was early last time. If they are living with the parents, then chances are finances are tough for them. He may not be able to afford the tux rental or the trip, even just for a day.

You should be happy for your BIL and SIL and congratulate them, regardless of them being "not good people." If they were that bad, why ask the BIL to be BM? Keep him in the program and tell them that you home they can make it but understand if they can't.

You sound very judgmental of this couple and I'm not sure why you want them there anyway.

ETF: formatting and wording

slothiegal · June 2014

Well, that was quick.

Maggie0829!

mysticl · June 2014

Well that was fast. I'm just adding that if she gives birth early again they will be dealing with a preemie as well as having two toddlers and that is absolutely a valid reason to miss the wedding. A preemie's health issues do not magically disappear once their due date rolls around.

ETF: spelling fail

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Wow, OP deleted, what a shocker *sarcasm

It is just horrible that she actually thinks the way she does. She talked about her SIL giving birth to twins 4 months early like it was no big deal. WTF?

vsgal · June 2014

allison91685 said:

Thanks so much. It's fine to disagree with how I feel but you went way to far and should be ashamed of yourself.

So you can dish it, but you can't take it.

climbingsingle · June 2014

OP, if anyone is to be ashamed of themselves, it's YOU.

manillabar · June 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Wow, OP deleted, what a shocker *sarcasm

It is just horrible that she actually thinks the way she does. She talked about her SIL giving birth to twins 4 months early like it was no big deal. WTF?

yeah I was done with her once I read that part... the way she wrote that just sounded so flippant and insensitive

Rebl90 · June 2014

allison91685 said:
Thanks so much. It's fine to disagree with how I feel but you went way to far and should be ashamed of yourself.

The only person who should be ashamed of herself is you.

STARMOON44 · June 2014

I don't see why this is upsetting. A man you dislike and have no respect for can't make your wedding. Shouldn't you be pleased?

ashley8918 · June 2014

HOLY. SHIT. People actually think this way?

babs0726 · June 2014

WOW! What is wrong with people??

My first question is..if he is such a "terrible person" why the HELL is he the best man??

And I don't care how bad of people they are, you should never wish things upon an unborn child and it's family ESPECIALLY for the benefit of yourself!!

Wow, wow, wow don't even have anything more to say about this, it's just complete fuckery. Smh.

AddieCake · June 2014

I don't even have words for this.

slothiegal · June 2014

babs0726 · June 2014

UGHHH

lkristenj · June 2014

I think it's crazy that my best girl friend is even planning to be at my wedding.

She's pregnant and her due date is 3 days after our wedding. She swears that short of being in labor, she will be there. While I appreciate that thought and know that she would genuinely love to be there, I just cannot believe that she will be. At 9 months, she'll probably be tired and not feel very well regardless of if she's in labor. Plus, babies are notorious for not going along with our "plans" and she may actually give birth a month early or something. In that case, while she's certainly welcome to bring her newborn to the ceremony and reception, I don't think she'd want to have the baby around so many people and germs, not to mention she'd likely be completely overwhelmed and tired. I completely understand all these things. She can make her own decisions based on her circumstances, of course, and I would be thrilled if she could make it. I just understand that pregnancy and babies are unpredictable and if she can't be there, it is still okay! I didn't even think about how her pregnancy would affect our wedding when she told me until she brought up that she still wanted to be there no matter what.

I can't believe that anyone could be that insensitive toward a pregnancy, best man's wife or not. If I was having a wedding party (we chose not to) this person would definitely be my MOH, hands down. I'm much more concerned about her happiness and wellbeing and having a healthy baby than forcing her to attend my party. She'll be in our lives for more than just that one day and we can celebrate and show her pictures later.

Best man man probably not coming to the wedding

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