Am I the only one afraid of my thank you notes?

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

Thank you notes ALWAYS scare me. I wrote them for both high school and college graduations, and I am so afraid that I'll either:

- Forget what Bob gave me and piss him off

- Put Aunt Millie's card for a panini grill in an envelope and then promptly address it to Karen from work who gave a blender and piss BOTH of them off

- Write too much and sound fake and piss you off

- Write too little and sound ungrateful and piss you off

- Thank Cousin Jessie for the pizza stone and completely space on the thoughtful recipes she shared and piss her off

- Write a well-thought-out, perfectly-worded, correctly-addressed thank you note to everyone, and then only about half actually get them (had this happen actually) and piss off the people who didn't get them

I am also probably crazy. So there's that.

vsgal · June 2014

You need to start a spreadsheet to keep track of who gave what and if you sent a note. Excel works best, but you can also use word. Do one note at a time--start to finish. Write it, address the envelope, stuff it and seal it. That way you don't mix them up.

No one will get pissed off that you wrote a thank you note. They will get pissed if you don't. So make that a priority. If you fell a bit of writer's block, google samples online until the words come to you naturally. Remember, people will not be comparing TY notes so you probably do not have to worry about that. You can keep it short and sweet.

Most of mine said something to the effect of:

Dearest Mary,

I was a joy to see you at the wedding. Talking to you made the weekend even more special. Thank you for the beautiful picture frame. It will go perfectly in the living room and we have already selected a picture of us to showcase in it.

Hope to see you soon. Much love--Vsgal and hubby

slothiegal · June 2014

Meh, I've been writing thank you notes since I could hold a crayon in my hand and Momma Sloth told me to "sign my name" on cards. I'm like a MACHINE at this point cranking those babies out. Simply stay organized (spreadsheets are your friends) and set out a chunk of time to just get them done and over with all at once. People will appreciate the gesture, not spend half an hour critiquing.

And enlist FI to help out too!

vsgal · June 2014

Definitely enlist FI to help out as well.

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

...have I mentioned that we haven't even GOTTEN any gifts yet?

I'm actually excited that our eeeeeeeensy wedding (as the planning stands right now) will pretty much nix anyone's shower offers. Kind of silly to throw a shower when it's just immediate family!

My super-spiffy guest list spreadsheet is pretty much complete (at least so far as my side of the family goes; FI hasn't gotten me his peeps yet so he's got a grand total of 6 people, compared to my "if we have a normal-person wedding" list of 40ish) (we are currently not planning a "normal-person wedding") and it's got a space for what they gave, what it was used for (if it was a spendy-type gift as opposed to a usey-type gift), when it was received, and whether the thank you note has been sent. Again - we HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANYTHING YET. We are a year out from sending invites at the EARLIEST.

beethery · June 2014

Also, if you've kept things in boxes sans wrapping, write the gift-giver's name on a post it and put it on each box. Then make a spreadsheet JUST IN CASE.

chibiyui · June 2014

I second the spreadsheet.

I kept all of our presents by my desk and put them away as I wrote the thank you cards (this was wedding gifts only, shower gifts I had a written list for) so I never marked down the people who gave what. Which wouldn't be an issue except I have one gift with no name, no card, no nothing and no way of really narrowing it down who it could have been from.

Don't be like me.

And to make you feel better, I had to intercept H's thank you's, cause he wrote "Thanks for the cash" on them. There were maybe 3 sentences in each thank you. You can't do any worse then that.

emmyg65 · June 2014

Oh, dearie. Definitely start the spreadsheet to track who gave what, and ask your FI to write the notes to their family and friends. And remember: Handwritten thank you cards are fairly rare these days, so people will just be tickled to get one!

AddieCake · June 2014

So you're worrying about this over a year in advance?

lyndausvi · June 2014

You are doing something seriously wrong if you are getting all worked up over thank you notes. Like, seriously wrong.

I might be in the minority, but I send out TY when I'm invites to people's home for dinner, birthday gifts, etc. Maybe it's time you start to send them out for other things so when the wedding comes it will not be so daunting?

On another note, I think it's sad that weddings seem to be the first time people write TY notes.

slothiegal · June 2014

lyndausvi said:

You are doing something seriously wrong if you are getting all worked up over thank you notes. Like, seriously wrong.

I might be in the minority, but I send out TY when I'm invites to people's home for dinner, birthday gifts, etc. Maybe it's time you start to send them out for other things so when the wedding comes it will not be so daunting?

On another note, I think it's sad that weddings seem to be the first time people write TY notes.

Oh my gosh, I sent them for EVERYTHING. Like I said, my mom instilled the habit in me from a very young age and I'm so glad she did. Her rule was if you don't write the note in a week, you don't get to keep the gift. Hated it as a kid, but now it's just habit and it's so easy for me. The only difficulty for me is hand cramping and smearing ink (darn left handed-ness).

KatieinBkln · June 2014

I think you're overthinking it a bit. PPs are correct about spreadsheets--I read your earlier post about your wedding, and you seem like a fairly organized person (ahem, understatement alert), so I think you'll probably have it in hand when the time comes.

As for the anxiety of writing too much or too little? Try to put it out of your mind. Anyone who disapproves of the exact wording of a thank you note they receive is a prick, full stop. Trust that if you write from the heart, the message will be received.

And when it comes to the post office losing things, well--there's really nothing you can do, short of hand-delivering or sending via insured mail (which is not something you should do. Signing for a parcel that turns out to be a card would be a very weird thing).

To sum up: Breathe, baby girl. It's going to be okay. The thank-yous don't have claws and sharp teeth, I promise.

lyndausvi · June 2014

slothiegal said:

lyndausvi said:

You are doing something seriously wrong if you are getting all worked up over thank you notes. Like, seriously wrong.

I might be in the minority, but I send out TY when I'm invites to people's home for dinner, birthday gifts, etc. Maybe it's time you start to send them out for other things so when the wedding comes it will not be so daunting?

On another note, I think it's sad that weddings seem to be the first time people write TY notes.

Oh my gosh, I sent them for EVERYTHING. Like I said, my mom instilled the habit in me from a very young age and I'm so glad she did. Her rule was if you don't write the note in a week, you don't get to keep the gift. Hated it as a kid, but now it's just habit and it's so easy for me. The only difficulty for me is hand cramping and smearing ink (darn left handed-ness).

Fellow lefty here. I swear my hand had a permanent ink stain from smearing ink as I write.

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

I'm not worrying about it, I just keep seeing threads about how to do them right and every time I do I get a little bit of a heart palpitation. (So yes. Over a year in advance. I *did* say in my OP I was a crazy person.) It just feels like everything about this whole wedding thing has to be absolutely perfect, you know? And I know me, so I know that I'm going to screw something up.

Thankfully it won't be my FIRST time, but it's damn close. I don't actually get a lot of opportunities. My parents are typically the only ones who give me birthday presents, and Christmas isn't a thank-you note time in my family.

tammym1001 · June 2014

So I mailed out thank you cards a couple of weeks ago from my wedding. My Grandma calls me and says "I got your thank you card. It was beautiful but..... my address is on the outside and someone else's name and gift is written on the inside". So yeah, I put the wrong cards in a couple of envelopes. I called the person whose card my Grandma received and they told me they had my Grandma's card. We got it all worked out and everyone laughed about it. It wasn't that big of a deal.

McCMal · June 2014

Maybe a side track, but I'm paranoid about this too.

How do you say thank you to a cash gift?

What about something you plan on returning?

My FI's handwriting is horrible, like unreadable, so Ill do most the writing but I'm freaked out about writing his family that most of which I've met like once.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

For cash gifts, tell them how you're planning on spending the money, i.e. on home improvement, towards a new couch, for a dinner on your honeymoon, etc.

It's probably not kosher, but one Christmas both my FH's parents and my grandparents each wrote me a check for $100. I told them both that I bought 3 books, an oil lamp, and a sweater with their gift. Which I did. For $100. With the other $100 I paid my phone bill. It's what I needed money for just then, but it didn't seem right to put that in my thank you note to them. So I fibbed. And they were both happy to find out how much I loved the books they bought me.

AddieCake · June 2014

McCMal said:

Maybe a side track, but I'm paranoid about this too.
How do you say thank you to a cash gift?
What about something you plan on returning?
My FI's handwriting is horrible, like unreadable, so Ill do most the writing but I'm freaked out about writing his family that most of which I've met like once.

Thanks so much for your generous gift! We plan on using it toward the purchase of a new bedspread! Don't mention you are planning to return anything. Just say thanks for the toaster.

crackktheskyy · June 2014

chibiyui said:

I second the spreadsheet.

I kept all of our presents by my desk and put them away as I wrote the thank you cards (this was wedding gifts only, shower gifts I had a written list for) so I never marked down the people who gave what. Which wouldn't be an issue except I have one gift with no name, no card, no nothing and no way of really narrowing it down who it could have been from.

Don't be like me.

And to make you feel better, I had to intercept H's thank you's, cause he wrote "Thanks for the cash" on them. There were maybe 3 sentences in each thank you. You can't do any worse then that.

This actually made me laugh because a few years ago, my grandmother showed me the "most spirited" thank you not that she has ever received from a "nice young gentleman" whose graduation party she attended.

It said:

Dear Mrs. V,

Thanks for the cash!!!!!

Love,

James

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

crackktheskyy said:

chibiyui said:

I second the spreadsheet.

I kept all of our presents by my desk and put them away as I wrote the thank you cards (this was wedding gifts only, shower gifts I had a written list for) so I never marked down the people who gave what. Which wouldn't be an issue except I have one gift with no name, no card, no nothing and no way of really narrowing it down who it could have been from.

Don't be like me.

And to make you feel better, I had to intercept H's thank you's, cause he wrote "Thanks for the cash" on them. There were maybe 3 sentences in each thank you. You can't do any worse then that.

This actually made me laugh because a few years ago, my grandmother showed me the "most spirited" thank you not that she has ever received from a "nice young gentleman" whose graduation party she attended.

It said:

Dear Mrs. V,

Thanks for the cash!!!!!

Love,
James

My sister wrote "thanks for the moola" on a graduation thank you note to me one year.

These type of thank you's are funny, if you know the person and their personality. And they are way better than no thank you note at all.

McCMal · June 2014

AddieCake said:

McCMal said:

Maybe a side track, but I'm paranoid about this too.
How do you say thank you to a cash gift?
What about something you plan on returning?
My FI's handwriting is horrible, like unreadable, so Ill do most the writing but I'm freaked out about writing his family that most of which I've met like once.

Thanks so much for your generous gift! We plan on using it toward the purchase of a new bedspread! Don't mention you are planning to return anything. Just say thanks for the toaster.

Im just scared of the idea that I'll get two of something and have to 'white lie' about keeping one of them. Is it ok to say all cash is going towards home remodeling? Which it is.

ETA: adk19 answered that, sorry I didn't read up first.

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

Y'all, I'm going to bookmark this thread. Y'all have made me feel a lot better about them. I'm also going to stay WELL AWAY from all the other thank-you-note threads until it's ACTUALLY time to write them...

I'm just nervous because I have one super judgey aunt (like for real, absolutely the judgiest knottie has ZILCH on her) and it would be my luck that I'd send HER the screwy one and my mother would get some sort of passive aggressive phone call. Which, incidentally, is how I found out that the post office had screwed up.

@McCMal - I'm glad I'm not the only one! I legitimately thought I was the only one who was really nervous about these.

Chipmunk415 · June 2014

You're going a bit overboard right now but at least you are remembering their importance! Whatever you do, dont wait on your photos to come in for photo thank you notes- friend was doung that for her December wedding. Her photographer screwed up, and still no notes.

I am still waiting on thank you notes from my two nieces for the past two years of birthdays. Only way I know the gifts arrived was bc I sent them through amazon.

Older niece had first communion in may. Sent a card with gift card inside. No note. Casually asked half sis if niece got the card. Got a response about sorry, yours was the only one she couldn't thank in person, thought she wrote it, dropped the ball, sorry will try to get it done.

Id be fine with just a phone call, but didnt even get that. Unfortunately, it appears my sister and her husband are raising the girls with something of an elitist attitude (based on other observations, not just notes). Christmas, the girls may get personalized stationaries, stamps, and a book on letter writing- 8 and 9.5 yrs old is old enough for that

AddieCake · June 2014

McCMal said:

AddieCake said:

McCMal said:

Maybe a side track, but I'm paranoid about this too.
How do you say thank you to a cash gift?
What about something you plan on returning?
My FI's handwriting is horrible, like unreadable, so Ill do most the writing but I'm freaked out about writing his family that most of which I've met like once.

Thanks so much for your generous gift! We plan on using it toward the purchase of a new bedspread! Don't mention you are planning to return anything. Just say thanks for the toaster.

Im just scared of the idea that I'll get two of something and have to 'white lie' about keeping one of them. Is it ok to say all cash is going towards home remodeling? Which it is.

ETA: adk19 answered that, sorry I didn't read up first.

But you're not white lying to them. They gave you a toaster. You say thanks for the toaster and leave it at that. You ARE appreciative of the gift, yes? That's what the card is for. To say thanks and that you appreciate the gift. What happens later with it is completely irrelevant to thanking them for it.

vsgal · June 2014

Don't stress about the judgy aunt. You won't please her no matter what. Just thank her for the gift. If she doesn't think your TY is amazeballs, that is on her.

vsgal · June 2014

I don't know why that posted all wonky.

Inkdancer · June 2014

vsgal said:

I don't know why that posted all wonky.

I thought you were writing etiquette poetry.

Which I now want to do.

wandajune6 · June 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

You're going a bit overboard right now but at least you are remembering their importance! Whatever you do, dont wait on your photos to come in for photo thank you notes- friend was doung that for her December wedding. Her photographer screwed up, and still no notes. I am still waiting on thank you notes from my two nieces for the past two years of birthdays. Only way I know the gifts arrived was bc I sent them through amazon. Older niece had first communion in may. Sent a card with gift card inside. No note. Casually asked half sis if niece got the card. Got a response about sorry, yours was the only one she couldn't thank in person, thought she wrote it, dropped the ball, sorry will try to get it done. Id be fine with just a phone call, but didnt even get that. Unfortunately, it appears my sister and her husband are raising the girls with something of an elitist attitude (based on other observations, not just notes). Christmas, the girls may get personalized stationaries, stamps, and a book on letter writing- 8 and 9.5 yrs old is old enough for that

We were raised to write thank you notes for everything and we still got the stationary set from Gramma for Christmas one year. She thought that all proper young ladies should have their own stationary for notes of this sort. I was so proud of the paper that I still have some. I love the idea, even if it is for different reasons!

Am I the only one afraid of my thank you notes?

Re: Am I the only one afraid of my thank you notes?

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