how can i incorporate my niece?

hanckypanky · June 2014

my s/o and I have 2 little girls, who will be 8 and 3.5 by wedding time and will be our flower girls and then join us for our vows. We have a nephew who will be a month shy of 4 who'll be the ring bearer, and his sister will be just barely 2. Is that too young to be a flower girl? are 3 too many? eould it be rude to have our nephew but not our niece? I don't want to exclude her from the party but idk how else to have her. My future sister-in-law is one of my bridesmaids and her husband is a groomsman as well.

QueerFemme · June 2014

Personally, I think 2 years old is way too young to be a flower girl. You are asking for a meltdown. Just have her sit in the front row a family member, and incorporate her into the family photos.

hanckypanky · June 2014

I'll have to talk to them about who could hold her if we do that, their dad passed away and their mother isn't welcome. They have no other family

Someone on another forum suggested I have FSIL wear her in a matching wrap, which I think could work.

QueerFemme · June 2014

Maybe you should consider letting your FSIL walk up the aisle with her, and have her immediately seated in the front row with the baby. Holding a 2 year old baby standing still for 15-45 minutes, the length of your ceremony, and trying to keep her quiet and somewhat still is going to be a huge pain in the ass. And, I imagine, very distracting while you are trying to save your vows.

There is a reason that kids (flower girls, ring kids) are usually seated right after walking up the aisle.

hanckypanky · June 2014

We're having a very short ceremony because we'd rather have a longer reception, and there will be a lot of kids there. definitely no more than 15 minutes and probably less. And I already asked FSIL to be a bridesmaid, wouldn't it be rude to now as her to sit through the ceremony?

QueerFemme · June 2014

She can still be a bridesmaid if she sits down. Lots of people who are in the wedding party sit down after walking up the aisle for various reasons. She can still be in the program, still wear the dress, still walk down the aisle. She would just be seated in the front row with her kid.

I still think wrangling a toddler right before walking down the aisle, and then trying to convince them to be quiet while standing in one spot for 15 minutes, directly next to the bride while she is trying to say her vows is a bit much to ask of a 2 year old. And, have your tried standing in one spot for 15 minutes holding a 15 pound kid, in a dress, and possibly heels? that is going to be uncomfortable for your FSIL.

If you don't want to have her sit after walking down the aisle, I would work on alternatives. Are there seriously no other family members or friends that your FSIL knows that is coming to the wedding that could hold the baby for 15 minutes? A a close friend?

hanckypanky · June 2014

She wouldn't be holding her, she'd be in a wrap on her back. We're both experienced babywearers and have worn our toddlers for a lot longer than that, she even wore her son through her whole pregnancy. She won't be in heels either.

If it's not rude to have her sit I'm ok with that too. I'll just ask her which she'd rather do and I'm fine with either one. Thanks for the advice

lilacck28 · June 2014

Wait.. if the father passed away, and the mother "is not welcome" who will be taking them to the wedding/ responsible for them to begin with? Is your FSIL their guardian?

And I agree about the wrap thing. I think standing for a ceremony while "wearing" a two year old is a recipe for disaster. But if your FSIL says she prefers that, I guess let her, but I would have a chair in the front row ready for her if she or the niece starts to get tired.

QueerFemme · June 2014

lilacck28 said:

Wait.. if the father passed away, and the mother "is not welcome" who will be taking them to the wedding/ responsible for them to begin with? Is your FSIL their guardian?

And I agree about the wrap thing. I think standing for a ceremony while "wearing" a two year old is a recipe for disaster. But if your FSIL says she prefers that, I guess let her, but I would have a chair in the front row ready for her if she or the niece starts to get tired.

I think the OP meant the FSIL's dad passed, and mom isn't welcome. As is, there are no grandparents of the 2 year old to attend and hold the little cherub, since FSIL's husband is in the wedding as well.

I get that she is an experienced baby wearer. But, I still think a 2 year old on the back of a bridesmaid is going to be ridiculously distracting for you and your guests.

lilacck28 · June 2014

ahh, okay.

Jen4948 · June 2014

If I were you, I'd incorporate your niece just by including her in photos. A 2 year old is just too young to go down the aisle and back on her own or be carried by someone else, even in a wrap.

Don't worry. She'll still be cute.

mysticl · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

She wouldn't be holding her, she'd be in a wrap on her back. We're both experienced babywearers and have worn our toddlers for a lot longer than that, she even wore her son through her whole pregnancy. She won't be in heels either.

If it's not rude to have her sit I'm ok with that too. I'll just ask her which she'd rather do and I'm fine with either one. Thanks for the advice

But when you wear them are you just standing still or are you moving around? If I hold still while wearing my son he starts trying to escape, I have to keep moving.

hanckypanky · June 2014

I wear my youngest while doing the dishes and never have a problem. Idk about fsil.

I just emailed her and asked what she'd like. Haven't heard back yet but no mater what I'll just have a chair reserved in the front for her even if she chooses to wrap. I feel better having a few options depending on the mood of the day

how can i incorporate my niece?

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