OK. So I was at a wedding last month and I can't seem to shake it off. Sorry if this is long
I was invited to a wedding from a girlfriend of mine who moved out of state, but decided to have her wedding 'near the city' so she could invite her city friends.
The wedding was actually nowhere near NYC, but out of state. While is was within 'taxi' distance of a Metro North station, due to it being a holiday weekend no trains would get guests there in a reasonable time without waiting around for several hours. Car was really the best option, so my FI offered to drive. He was going to borrow a car from his parents since we do not own a car.
Since my invite did not include "and guest" or and "Mr. Lauramae", I was told via Facebook message that my FI was invited from the bride. I had another friend that we planned to carpool with who lives in NJ and was looking forward to getting a ride from my FI. I confirmed with my NJ friend that I would say yes to go if she did so we could drive in together. My NJ friend was panicking about this distance to Conn. for the wedding and only wanted to go if I was going since it was such a long trip, so I assured her I would say yes and we could go together.
Unfortunately, two days after I sent back the RSVP, my FI got cast in a show - he is an actor and this was an Off-Broadway show- that had a performance the date of the wedding. I contacted the bride via FB (which is how we primarily chat) and apologized for using FB to message, but didn't know how else to reach her. I informed her that my FI could not come. She assured me that it was ok and not a big deal via message.The wedding was two months away, so I had RSVP'd very early.
Now I had an issue of getting to the wedding. I don't drive and was depending on FI, plus had promised my friend that we would carpool. Long story short, we ended up getting a zip car, she drove and I paid a great deal of money I had not planned on to get us a car from NJ (where I had to take two trains to meet my driving friend and get us three states away), plus I bought gifts from the registry on behalf of myself and my FI. I don't begrudge the money as it was my fault for saying yes to the RSVP too soon. If I had waited longer to RSVP I could have said no.
Anyway, fast forward to the wedding day and my FI has a seat and a table assignment. At the head table with the bride. I was horrified. She has never met my FI. I knew I told her he couldn't come months ago, plus we are friends, but not THAT close, where I should be at head of table. I double checked my messages with her and confirmed she had been told (and responded to me) that he couldn't come.
Now, I won't get into how the ceremony went on for over an hour in the hot sun at noon (no water offered), with multiple religious messages about Jesus to the point where most guests were quite uncomfortable with the heat and religion. Or how the DJ played terrible music and how nobody wanted to dance. Or how it was a rental for 200+ guest and only 80 showed because most of the city folk could not attend due to the train situation, so there were 4 tables total, including the kids table.
I will say that when the bride sat down with her husband, she zeroed in on the empty chair next to me, and said loudly "Where is ____?" and when my other friend piped up "On stage in NYC!" she got this pissed look on her face. I quickly reminded her that we had spoken a couple months ago about my FB not attending. She denied it, again loudly, saying "No! No you NEVER told me!". She denied it a few times and I did not want to argue with a bride on her wedding day. My NJ friend patted my hand and said that the bride was just 'so busy and stressed'.
Then the speeches started, right behind my chair (and the empty one beside me) and for the 20 min(!!!) MIL speech (again, more Jesus) I felt like crying. At a point, the bride leaned into me and said "Are you OK? You look awful." and so I realized I must be showing how I felt and for the rest of the wedding wore this big, stupid smile.
The worst part is, after the speeches, she asked in front of a large group about my wedding and said "We are invited, right?" and I quickly said yes, even though they were not, because I was still reeling from my earlier embarrassment. I have now sent them a Save the Date, but now my guest list is over. The funny part? I still didn't have her address, so again I had to turn to FB message to get it from her. She replied within minutes of my asking for the address, and there were the April messages about my FI not coming,. She never acknowledged that this existed.
I'm upset and can't shake this feeling.
I'm not super close to this girl. I find her to be a bit too materialistic (she doesn't approve of my sapphire engagement ring, said I should insist on a big diamond). I think she can be a bit jarring socially. But now she is invited to my wedding, when I have other friends in the city who are not and to whom I am much closer.
Was I in the wrong for the RSVP snafu? Should I have reminded her more times about this? I didn't have her address after I sent the RSVP and message was the only way too reach her, but I still feel declining the RSVP for my FI via Facebook was tacky. I can't get this off my mind. It's really bothering me.