I became engaged 3 weeks ago (wedding planned for June 2015) and last week asked a friend of mine who I have been very close with since high school (14 years) to be a bridesmaid. She moved out-of-state about 3 years ago but we remain close, though we aren't able to keep up with each other as closely as we'd both like. She said that she would love to, but never expected that I would ask her and has already committed to being a bridesmaid for a friend from college who became engaged the day after me and is also getting married next year. My friend said that she needs to check which month the college friend is getting married because she would be unable to fly to 2 weddings in the same month (money is not an issue, but time away from work is). I told my friend that I would not pressure or expect her to be at anything except my wedding and would completely understand if she cannot attend the bridal shower, bachelorette weekend, etc. I said that the only thing that matters is that she is standing up there with me on my wedding day but if she feels that cannot commit to being a BM, I hope that she can still attend the wedding. She said that she would have to see about even attending because of the other wedding and would get back to me soon.
I am sad because I am having a small wedding party of only the people who are most meaningful to me and she is one of them. I feel as though she's forgotten about all of the times that I have been there for her when she's needed me, but know that it is improper to her say this and make her feel guilty. I've often told her over the years that she would be a bridesmaid when the time came and feel a bit hurt at her response. So, please help: how long should I wait for her response? I want to plan a get-to-know-each-other brunch for my bridesmaids (and Skype her in if she can't attend) but I can't wait forever. How can I ask her for her answer without seeming pushy and what should I say if she can't even attend the wedding? Thanks!