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FI's bachelor party went awry last night

Last night was his bach party with his groomsmen. FI had a big part in stopping one of them, we'll call him Tad, from killing himself 6 years ago. He and his friends had to chase him down, call the cops, and get him put into a psych ward. Both of Tad's parents were schizophrenic and his dad killed himself, and at that point T was drinking a lot and not in a good place. Since then, Tad has met a wonderful woman with whom he had a little girl, they got married, and now she's about 7 months along with their second and Tad really seems to have it together and to have gotten over whatever was going on before. For all the problems he's had, Tad really truly does seem to have a heart of gold and would give you the shirt off his back. 

I told FI to call me if he needed a ride or anything. I got a call at 2:30 last night that Tad had gone off the deep end and FI needed his wife's number. I didn't ask for details and figured he could tell me in the morning, but knowing his history my mind was definitely racing. 

FI and his 5 groomsmen were bar hopping last night in their old haunts and it was getting close to closing time. A young guy that was part of a wedding party came up to chat and was joking with them for a bit. He said something to Tad that no one else heard and Tad gave him a look and asked him wtf was his problem. The guy was apologetic and said he didn't mean anything and would leave, and genuinely seemed to be an amicable enough of a guy. Tad was getting irate and trying to pick a fight so another friend, we'll call him Mo, took him outside to calm down. He told Mo that he was acting that way because the guy was "going to hurt us". 

Then at some point, Tad ran off and Mo ran after him and Tad tried to beat up Mo. Mo is pretty fit, but Tad is huge and I am really surprised that Mo was able to tackle him himself.  In the incident 6 years ago, Tad was tazed by the cops and he just got back up and kept running, so when FI told me something happened I figured it probably took more than one of them to tackle him because he is by far the biggest guy in the group. There was a crowd and people offered to call the cops, but Mo must've calmed him down enough to get him back to the bar and to give Tad's wife a call, who came to get him. 

I guess the "going to hurt us" comment wouldn't be so worrisome with anyone else, we would just laugh it off and say they were drinking too much or were a mean drunk, but knowing his history it sounds really paranoid, and basically the whole thing was like a flashback to 6 years ago.  It's never been confirmed if he is schizophrenic, but genetically it's extremely likely when one, let alone both parents are. 

The situation 6 years ago was never brought up again. FI is nursing a hangover right now, but we are trying to decide whether to call to check in or not. T is probably embarrassed, and our wedding is on Saturday and it might be a bit too fresh in his mind even then and may feel like he's no longer welcome. Even Mo isn't mad, just really shaken up and everyone is just really worried that Tad's life might not be going as smoothly as they appeared to be. 
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Re: FI's bachelor party went awry last night

  • That's pretty scary. I hope he is ok!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I'm sorry things went so wrong. If it were me, it would depend on how close I was as to whether or not I'd call. I'd probably call his wife and just mention my concern and ask if things were alright. I'd probably also offer to bring a meal by. That's usually my go to plan when someone has had a rough time. I usually figure they are in no mood to cook, but still want to eat.
  • Oh. That's rough. I hope everything is okay with Tad.
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  • I also hope you guys both feel better/more secure.
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  • Absolutely give a call just to make sure he's okay.
    My youngest sister is schizophrenic, and absolutely can't drink at all. It plays havoc with her chemistry, and triggers manic/paranoid/delusional behavior. If he's on meds, the alcohol can interact with those as well. 
    So yes, give a call, make sure he knows that you're concerned, and reassure him/his wife that it's okay. 
  • So scary! And ditto PP - I think a follow up "hope all is okay buddy" type of call would be nice. My older half-brother is suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and it is no joke. My heart breaks for people who have to deal with that as their reality, as well as for the loved ones often left to deal with the fall out.
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  • Hes probably MORTIFIED!!!! I agree call his wife and make sure hes ok and reassure her that everything is OK..... people with mental illness will mind f*** themselves about something like this
  • I'm so sorry to hear this. I would say definitely call to make sure Tad is okay. It's a sad and scary situation. I really hope he's okay.
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Call and see if he's okay. Let him know that it's nothing to think about anymore and that everyone has moved past it
  • Oh my gosh. I'm sorry that happened, I hope he's okay! I'd call him.
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  • Ditto all the above - I'd definitely call.  Hope all is well, and not too much of a setback for him! 

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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks for all the good thoughts. FI's parents came over and we didn't end up having time to call, but I'll make sure FI does it tomorrow. I've only hung out with them a handful of times and don't feel it's my place to get involved, though I do like them both very much. 

    He did post today on fb that sometimes you have to fall flat on your face to see the positive changes that you need to make in your life. So hopefully that's a good thing. Hopefully he's referring to stopping drinking or seeing a psych or something. The thing with him is he can drink an absolute ridiculous amount and seem like he's just fine, but clearly that isn't the case. 
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Eesh. I hope everything is okay. 
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  • Wow, that's really scary. I hope he's OK. 
  • Oh no.  I hope he's OK...mental illnesses are so hard on everybody involved.  Hoping for the best for all of you.
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  • I'm sorry to hear this! Hopefully the paranoia is an isolated incident. Sending positive thoughts to you, your FI, and your friend and his family.
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