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My wedding dress

hopel22984hopel22984 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I made an appointment to look for my dress. I asked my mom and moh and another bridesmaid what day would work for them . And then I booked it I planned it a month in advance so everyone could come. A couple of hours before the appointment my moh called and said see couldn't come. I was sad but i understood.

Now I was in her wedding when she got married. I ran around crazy doing everything I could for her. I changed my work schedule because she said she needed me.

I ended up finding my dress that day and I've tried to show her it 5 times now and every time she either cancels or we end up shopping for and running around doing stuff for her.

I love her like a sister we've been best friends 20 years. I couldn't wait to do stuff with her . My feelings are hurting and I don't know how to tell her.
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Re: My wedding dress

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    NymeruNymeru member
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    What kind of stuff are shopping around/doing for her?  It seems strange that she's able to sidetrack you so easily when the mission at hand is just to look at your dress.

    While you can't expect your  MoH to do what you did for her (dropping everything anytime she wanted you, just because not everyone necessarily has that luxury), you're right, it is odd that she hasn't taken the time to even see your dress.  Maybe there's some trouble in paradise, and seeing you get excited for your wedding is making her feel inferior somehow.  Has she taken the time to do any other sort of wedding stuff with you since you bought your dress?

    I would just sit her down and tell her how you feel.  If she's truly your best friend, you ought to be able to 1) be totally honest and 2) expect her to make some time for you when it comes to things that matter.  When you try to show her the dress, are you inviting her over to your house, or do you bring it with you?
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    chibiyuichibiyui member
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    Is this normal for her? Like, does she normally tend to make stuff about her? If so, don't expect your wedding to change that. That's how she is. Your best bet is to lower your expectations. Maybe re evaluate your friendship.

    Or is this a recent development? Has your friend gone through a big life change? New job, new kid, divorce, family or financial trouble? If it's something new, meet with her for coffee or lunch and talk with her, don't bring your wedding up, just talk and see where she is.

    Best of luck.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    chibiyui said:
    Is this normal for her? Like, does she normally tend to make stuff about her? If so, don't expect your wedding to change that. That's how she is. Your best bet is to lower your expectations. Maybe re evaluate your friendship. Or is this a recent development? Has your friend gone through a big life change? New job, new kid, divorce, family or financial trouble? If it's something new, meet with her for coffee or lunch and talk with her, don't bring your wedding up, just talk and see where she is. Best of luck.
    This. Also, why are you so desperate to show her your dress? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    Thank you
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    My dress is still at the store. I'm set it up for payment plan. She had twins in September but they go to daycare 830am-5pm she takes days to her self and will go hang out with other people.
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    Abdicate when I got engaged we talked about it. I was so excited.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I see. Well, everyone pretends they are exciting about other people's wedding stuff, but when it actually is happening, they aren't always. Just b/c you talked about the dress with her when you got engaged doesn't mean she's really into it. 

     There must be something going on precluding her from wanting to meet up with you and go see it. I'm confused how you end up going and doing things for her if you get together to go see your dress? Why don't you just say, "Hey, why are we going to Barnes and Noble? I thought we were going to see my dress." 

    Any chance you talk about your wedding too much?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    I didn't bring up my wedding unless someone asked. A lot of people tell me I do to much for other people. And I really do need to say no a lot more.
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    *don't*
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    mysticlmysticl member
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    hopel22984 said:
    My dress is still at the store. I'm set it up for payment plan. She had twins in September but they go to daycare 830am-5pm she takes days to her self and will go hang out with other people.
    But she still has infant twins.  There is probably a lot she tries to cram into the time they are at daycare.  And hanging out with other people is probably keeping her sane.  

    Does she always drive?  Is that why you can't get to the store? I know you're excited to show her the dress but don't stress about it in the end she'll see the dress.  And like others have said just because you changed your schedule around don't expect other people to.  When my BFF got married I did what I could but I couldn't change my work schedule.  I had specific hours I worked and it was not possible for me to change them.  I didn't get vacation time so if I took off I didn't get paid.  
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    Thank you. She does always drive. I offer but she says she wants to. We work at the same company so I know everything she does. And a lot of the time I wish I didn't
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    There is absolutely no reason why your MOH needs to be with you when you shop for YOUR dress.   This is your decision.  I shopped for my dress alone.
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    I know she doesn't have to be with me. I didn't say she had to . I just wanted to show her. I never expect anyone to do anything me .I figured she would want to. We've always had a sister bond.
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    beetherybeethery member
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    Send her a picture of you in the dress? That would suffice for most people.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    OP, I think you need to get over this.  Your MOH obviously has a lot of responsibilities in her life, and your wedding does, and should come far down on her list.  There is no reason for you to feel hurt.
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    jnissajnissa member
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    Having multiples is extremely hard - even with daycare (it seems from your post that when they're in daycare she's at work) and days blocked to yourself. Just look at the statistics on how many marriages break up after twins. Things get crazy with just one newborn, it's way worse with two. I'd say her unavailability seems to be pretty obvious. Just remember that just because you see her having the twins in daycare and getting some time to herself (which I can guarantee you is much needed) you don't really have an insight into how insane her daily life with infant twins likely is. 

    Definitely tell her how you feel (if you're as close as you say she'll be open to it), but say that you understand how busy and stressed her life is right now. Tell her that it's important to you that the two of you have memories of your wedding though, and you really want to try to find a way that the two of you can spend a special girls' afternoon together doing wedding things. 

    She may be as frustrated as you are - wishing she could do more and feeling like she's letting you down. Infant twins are not easy. 
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    LittlePeachBlossomLittlePeachBlossom member
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    Wait, so she works too? Putting the bits and pcs together,  it seems as though your bff works part or full time along with you and also has a spouse and twin babies. If this is true, I think you need to step back and put things into perspective.  She has many obligations and it's not up to you to decide what she should be doing with her free time. She already sees you at work... it makes sense she'd want to pprioritize seeing others she doesnt get to see as often. 

    Even if I'm wrong about her working, you should still be understanding and respectful of her responsibilities.  She may not have as much free time as you think.   
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    hopel22984 said:
    I made an appointment to look for my dress. I asked my mom and moh and another bridesmaid what day would work for them . And then I booked it I planned it a month in advance so everyone could come. A couple of hours before the appointment my moh called and said see couldn't come. I was sad but i understood. Now I was in her wedding when she got married. I ran around crazy doing everything I could for her. I changed my work schedule because she said she needed me. I ended up finding my dress that day and I've tried to show her it 5 times now and every time she either cancels or we end up shopping for and running around doing stuff for her. I love her like a sister we've been best friends 20 years. I couldn't wait to do stuff with her . My feelings are hurting and I don't know how to tell her.
    JIC
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    We work at different houses and she works when whatever hours she wants. I spent the first 7 months after the twins where born at her house helping take care of them. With her mom and mother in law we made sure there was always 2 people there to help.i would go before I would go to work and spend my days off there. I know having kids is hard I have a 12 year old that I've raised by myself until I met my fi
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    lilacck28lilacck28 member
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    hopel22984 said:
    We work at different houses and she works when whatever hours she wants. I spent the first 7 months after the twins where born at her house helping take care of them. With her mom and mother in law we made sure there was always 2 people there to help.i would go before I would go to work and spend my days off there. I know having kids is hard I have a 12 year old that I've raised by myself until I met my fi
    It's great that you helped your friend, but if you are always helping her, and she is always taking your help, and never vice versa, then you really can't expect her to change her behavior and display a ton of interest in your dress. I'm not saying that's being a good friend, but personalities do not change just because someone gets engaged. I think the most you can do is send her a picture of your dress the way PP suggested. And maybe after your wedding you will want to reevaluate your friendship if there is a significant pattern of all give on your side, all take on hers. 
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    Thank you
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    goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member
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    Cant you just email her a picture of the dress?
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    hopel22984hopel22984 member
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    I ended up doing that today.
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