Second guessing everything...due to MOH

royalwedding2014 · June 2014

I've been planning for months now. Picking out my dress, jewelry, colors, table cloths, center pieces, bridesmaid dresses, food...you know the list. I have just been having a hard time getting support from my MOH. Basically everything I pick out (minus my dress) and get is "not a good decision".

My mother bought me some beautiful jewelry and the only response I got was "those don't go with your dress". *sigh* So then the doubts start to pour in. I second guess everything. I really rely on the professionals to help me but then I go home and look at what I have and start to think. Is she going to tell me this all sucks. I just need some support. She is great in every aspect (i.e. showers, bachlorette party) but it is killing me.

I don't know why I even bother. I was trying to have her look at wedding hairstyles and makeup with me and was told "I'm not that glamorous" so I should not do these looks. I just want to look pretty on my day. I'm more simple on a daily basis because I have no need to look "glamorous" and I know that. But my jewelry does look pretty fancy. There are no returns and now I feel like I am stuck with looking "normal" on my big day with fancy jewelry. Can't I look like the more glamorous version of myself on my big day? Just a little bit more not a ton, I want to look like myself. Thanks for listening. I think I'll go and cry now.

pegasuskat · June 2014

Stop sharing anything with her, she doesn't sound like a very good friend! She actually sounds jealous. This is your wedding, pick what you like and don't rethink it.

Ven&Radio · June 2014

I don't understand how this person deserves to be your friend, much less your MOH.

kerbohl · June 2014

I agree with not sharing anything more with her - she's being a "debbie downer" (no offense to anyone whose first name is Debbie and therefore really hates that term), and that is not something you need. And I mean this in a good way, but you won't be looking normal on your wedding day - you will be wearing an awesome dress and fancy jewelery, and that's all you really need for glamourous.

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

scribe95 said:

Hhmm. My best friend and I are honest with each other and I don't consider it not supporting me.

Maybe the jewelry doesn't go with the dress. Can we see pics? Sounds like she is on board with the shower/bachelorette but doesn't agree with some of your choices. Do you want her to lie?

Also, maybe she could word it different but if you are simple with makeup etc on normal days there is a possibility of going so far that your guests don't see that it's you. You have to find a nice middle ground of feeling beautiful and special but not so over the top that you aren't you.

I disagree. I can't imagine that everything she is picking out is wrong. And who decides what jewelry really goes with what? Maybe it just isn't the MOH style, but is the OPs. My friend and I have different styles, she likes to wear dark jewelry. I don't think dark jewelry looks good, but that is just style and I don't go around criticizing her all of the time.

Also, I'm totally wearing more makeup and doing my hair for my wedding. My friends and used to seeing me in jeans and a tshirt with no makeup and either braids or a ponytail. I can't imagine they would criticize me about wanting to glam up for my wedding. That is just silly. I'm wearing a dress that is fancier than any dress that I have ever worn, of course my makeup and hair is going to be nicer than my daily wear.

NavyBlue143 · June 2014

It's hard to tell without knowing what you look like and what look you're going for, but maybe part of her issue is she wants you to look like, well, you? You CAN be a glammed up version of yourself while still being recognizable, but I have seen some women go completely over the top and they don't look like themselves, and I personally don't like it. Or maybe she's just being ugly.

As for everything else, if no one else is agreeing it's not a good look and it's just her being a CHAD (crusher of hopes and dreams) then stop informing her and if she asks, tell her exactly why. I find it difficult to believe that every single thing you like is ugly or in bad taste. I would just stop sharing details with her. I had to do that with my mom for the same reason, not because everything I picked was ugly or uncoordinated, but because everything I wanted contrasted with what she imagined for me. She wanted her vision of my wedding and couldn't see the validity in the vision of the people getting married. Eventually she shut up, because she wanted to be involved more than she wanted her way.

weddingmcgee · June 2014

I totally understand what you're saying about the doubt- once someone puts the doubt into your mind, it's hard to get past it. My sister, who is my MOH, and I have had very different opinions on some of my wedding choices. For a while, I'd talk about things with her and want her opinion, but when I realized that it wasn't helpful and was just making me feel bad about my wedding, I stopped asking for her opinion. And if she asks, I tell her what decision I've made and if she starts to make suggestions, I let her know that it's already paid for, or my fiance and I have made the decision and will not be changing our minds.

It also sounds like the way that your friend is giving the feedback is not helpful. It may be good for you to say something to her about how it's not helpful, but her tone and the words that she is choosing hurt your feelings. And that you value her friendship and input, but that she needs to be respectful of the vision that you have. She may not even realize she's coming across the way you perceive it. I've decided that if this happens with my sister again, that's exactly what I'm going to do. It takes guts, but it's better than letting resentment build up inside you and potentially hurting your relationship in the long run.

Second guessing everything...due to MOH

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