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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cousin Invite Dilemma

Hey ladies! I know you'll all give me some honest advise on this, as I'm unsure of how to go.

Our wedding isn't until May 2015, so we've got a long while before we send out invitations, but we're probably going to be sending out our save the dates in the fall, which is coming up.

We've decided we are having an adults-only wedding, and we know that because of this, guests who are invited may decide not to come. We understand and accept that and thanks to the information and advice I've seen given on this forum, I know how to graciously respond once those invites do go out. 

Now, here is the dilemma, and it seems so trivial right now because we're so far out from sending invites! My aunt was talking to my dad on the phone recently and conveyed to him that my cousin (her eldest son) has already decided he's not coming to the wedding because he won't go anywhere without his daughter.  My aunt is furious at him, because they all live far away from us and we haven't seen my dad's family in several years. My other two cousins, who also have kids, are well aware children are not invited and they are both excited and ready to fly up and have a great time. 

I am of the opinion that I should still invite my cousin who is saying he won't come without his daughter, since it's still early and he may change his mind. My fiance, on the other hand, is like "no way! don't invite him, he's already made his choice, let's not waste and invite on him--space is limited and we can invite someone else we want to invite who we KNOW will come!"

What do you all think? Is it too early to even worry about this crap right now?

Thanks so much!

Re: Cousin Invite Dilemma

  • I'd still send the invite to him. He may change his mind. 
  • I'd invite him, he can always change his mind. He might just be setting an ultimatum hoping you'll cave bc he wants to be there, but on his terms. Invite him on your terms.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • If you were originally planning to invite him, send the invite anyway. 
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  • Invite him.  It could damage family relationships later on, when he is the only cousin NOT invited.  And because you didn't hear it from cousin directly, Aunt may be the one who is truly angry about it.
  • You still need to invite him.

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  • I say invite him. I know one of my cousins can't make it because of a work commitment, but I'm inviting him anyways in case his circumstances change.
  • Definitely still invite him. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Invite.  Four or five of my guests I already know won't be able to make it, they told me as soon as I picked the date (two are out of the country, one has MS which makes it EXTREMELY difficult to travel, especially cross country, etc.), but I still want them to know that I cherish them and would like them to be there in an ideal world.

    Besides, like you said, your cousin could change his mind.
    Anniversary

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  • Hey all! Thanks for the advice! It was definitely my haunch to invite him regardless. I'm hoping he does change his mind!
  • Maybe in a year, by the time your wedding rolls around, he'll decide that he can use a break from his daughter. She'll be a whole year older by then. And maybe she'll have a fun weekend planned with some little girlfriends.
  • Send the invite so the ball is in his court about not coming.
  • Just send the invite and if he doesn't come it's really not your problem.
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  • I say invite him anyways, but don't be surprised if people don't want to travel without their children. My parents went to local weddings without us, but travel weddings make childcare much more difficult and they would rather spend the money to travel when they could take us along. 

    Additionally, he might not be throwing a fit. This is hear-say. He could have just said something like "Well, I really don't want to travel without darling daughter so we probably won't go if she isn't invited" Then aunt could have been upset and skewed it. 

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  • Definitely invite him. And as for the pot-stirring aunt, just repeat after me:
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    Shit between cousin and his mom is not your shit to deal with. Or throw, as monkeys tend to do.

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  • You are all right. I will definitely invite him and if he changes his mind, great! If he doesn't, that's okay too. It's totally possible that my aunt is making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. I'll just see how it goes. Thanks again, ladies!
  • Send the invitation, without including his daughter, and let him decline if he's going to.
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