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Registry taboo? Already married, just the party!

FavouritecakeFavouritecake member
Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
My husband and I got married in Thailand last year and we are having a big 'reception' in the States (we live in England) for all of the friends and family who couldn't come to Thailand, about 100 people.  We did not register for gifts when we actually got married because firstly we didn't expect the people who did fly to Thailand to buy us anything, and second, a gift registry isn't as common in England, especially if you're not having a traditional ceremony.  

Anyway!  We want to register for this American reception we're having, but can't decide if it's a bit presumptuous.  It's still going to be a big wedding-style reception, only difference is that we're not having a ceremony beforehand.  In short, we would have registered anyway had we had the wedding in either the UK or USA, we're just doing it 6 months later...thoughts?  
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Re: Registry taboo? Already married, just the party!

  • gothic_fairy60gothic_fairy60 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I would frown on it. Since your already married there should be several differences between what you are planning and a "big wedding-style reception" as you put it. No ceremony, no wedding dress, no first dance, no cut the cake, no bridal party. This should simply be a party to celebrate your marriage,not to indulge on things you may have missed when you got married and didn't have a large reception.

    That being said, I would not be likely to buy you a gift if you registered. It seems a little presumptuous to me, but many may not agree with me.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't think it is such a good idea.  This is not a wedding this is just a party to celebrate the fact that you got married a year ago, basically an anniversary party, and people don't register for an anniversary party.  You should never expect gifts ever, but as a guest I would find a registry for just a celebratory party for something that happened a year ago as pretty presumptuous and gift grabby.

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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If I was planning to get you a wedding gift I would have done it when you got married.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You're having a party.  You don't register for parties.  I would side-eye it big time if you did.  It comes off as awfully gift grabby.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, you're married, therefore no wedding registry. Congratulations on your marriage and have a kick ass party.
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    A wedding registry is for a wedding. You are already married so you don't need a registry now. If I was invited to a post wedding party, not a reception because that ship has sailed, I probably would not bring a gift, maybe just a card. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agree with PPs.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Don't register.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would seriously side-eye a gift list for a party. Also, please don't make this a wedding part 2. Throw a great party and get a great dress but don't do a wedding gown/first dance/ bridal party and certainly no gifts.
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  • FavouritecakeFavouritecake member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    (oops and I just realised that in my first post I said wedding-style reception....errr ignore the blonde moment!!) :/
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    Registering would come off as very presumptuous since you got married 5 years ago (not last year) and then had a redo last year. If you didn't get married for the piece of paper you definitely shouldn't be getting married for the presents. Just have a party and leave the wedding out of it, since the wedding was years ago.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • EllieAugustEllieAugust member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I am going to disagree…just a little. I don't think it would be terrible to do a small registry. I would not announce it to anyone or put it on your website. However, if someone asks or (if you are me) looks for it online, they will be able to find it. That way, I have the option of buying you something if I want to, but it won't come off as gift grabby because it won't be announced anywhere.
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper

    Favouritecake said:
    Thanks for the replies.  I think we will end up not registering, I do agree that it does come off a bit presumptuous.  Main reason we thought about registering was that a lot of the Americans were confused as to what to get us - some people don't want to give cash and others know that we can't carry gifts back with us to the UK.  We aren't expecting anything but didn't want people to stress over it.  

    It just means that we won't have been given any wedding gifts at all, but in the end that's not what it's about of course!  

    And yes, we are having a 'reception' which I meant as 'party'...reception just means that the guests are received by the hosts.  Probably bad word choice on my part.  It's going to be a rocking party with nothing resembling a wedding other than lots of booze and delicious food!  
    If you can't take the gifts back with you, what would you be registering for?

    One more reason not to register.
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  • FavouritecakeFavouritecake member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    (We'd be registered at a department store in the UK that the Americans can buy online)  

    I'm a little on the fence still but am too worried about offending anyone so I think we are going to leave it.  The thing is, it's actually less about wanting the actual gifts/money and more about the fact that I hate to make people feel awkward who do want to give us a gift.  We can't carry any gifts back to the UK, can't cash American cheques, can't use American gift cards, and converting American dollars into GBP is pointless. 

    I think maybe the only solution I think is to say on the invite 'no gifts please'...
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    Favouritecake said:
    (We'd be registered at a department store in the UK that the Americans can buy online)  

    I'm a little on the fence still but am too worried about offending anyone so I think we are going to leave it.  The thing is, it's actually less about wanting the actual gifts/money and more about the fact that I hate to make people feel awkward who do want to give us a gift.  We can't carry any gifts back to the UK, can't cash American cheques, can't use American gift cards, and converting American dollars into GBP is pointless. 

    I think maybe the only solution I think is to say on the invite 'no gifts please'...
    You are making this more complicated than it needs to be. Just don't register and if asked say no gifts please.

    Most UK banks will cash US cheques. I have been given American and Canadian cheques and cashed them in my UK bank account easily. Are one of you American? You can easily cash them in a US account and transfer that to the UK. HSBC, Citibank, and BofA (Barclays partner) all do free transfers. 

    People will be smart enough to realise you cannot use gift cards.  Shipping usually isn't too expensive, and I actually have purchased US gift cards for stores that aren't in London yet so I can order online and have them shipped here (often require a US billing address so gift cards are the way to get around this). 

    Honestly, most people will assume this is a non-gift giving event as it is just a party, not a wedding. No one will feel awkward. They WILL feel awkward if they find out you have a gift list.

    Definitely do not put "no gifts please" on your invitation. When someone asks where you are registered, you should say "That is very kind, but we don't want any gifts, just your attendance."

    I would seriously side-eye if I found you did a John Lewis gift list for a party.
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  • FavouritecakeFavouritecake member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Yeah, LondonLisa you're probably right, I'm definitely over complicating things. We've just had a bunch of people asking us already and weren't sure what to say -  I think we'll just leave it as a grey area and to those who do inquire, we'll politely say it's not necessary.


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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I read the title and expected it to be all cray cray in this thread.

    Instead, I get an OP who listens to advice, doesn't take it personal and is reasonable through and through?

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