NWR: Did I just receive this work baby shower invite?

May14TXbride · June 2014

So today, I received this Outlook baby shower invite (names have been changed):

"Hi everyone,

Please disregard if you don’t know Matt Jones.

The rest of you, please read. Matt & his wife Julie are expecting their first baby, a boy, on August 7^th. Please join us in a baby shower for Matt on July 15^th at the Dallas Colorado Conference room. They are registered at Babies”R”Us & Target. If you are interested in a group gift, please give your contributions to Receptionist Name (at the reception) and sign the greeting card. Those of you outside the Dallas office, if interested, feel free to mail your contributions to Receptionist Name, we will sign the card for you J. Contributions will be collected thru July 10^th.

Please reply and let us know if you will be attending.

Thanks."

Seriously - there were about 100 people on this invite. I have never heard of this person - don't even know if they actually work IN this office. And then for them to say, if you are not here locally, go ahead and mail your contribution to the receptionist.

When I received this, I was in a conference room with two other men, and they did not quite get why I thought this was SOOO incredibly tacky. I mean, it's awesome to have a shower for someone at work, but please, please - only invite the people you know that they know.

EverAfer · June 2014

I find that so tacky...but you're right FI wouldn't.

It would be different if you knew the person, otherwise this is rude and tacky.

Quite frankly, I think people get sick of these things-work related that is, baby showers, bridal showers, retirement party, cards/flowers/food basket for people on medical leave.. Yes, if someone knows the person and genuinely is interested sure, but are you really going to ask 100 people-some strangers- to chip in everytime?

Wegl13 · June 2014

Being new to the "real work world" I find the showers etc incredibly awkward, and it's evident that everyone at my work place does too. We normally just quietly go around and ask "should we do something for xyz?" And sometimes if someone wants to do something nice for a baby/retirement/wedding, it basically goes "hello I am getting Abigail a present for her Amazing Accomplishment. Feel free to chip in (aka feel free to grab a piece of my thoughtfulness)". If no one chips in, that person gets to be the only Thoughtful One and everything is still swell. I feel like that is the best no pressure answer to such things.

monkeysip · June 2014

I think this works much better in small work environments. I work at a small private school, with maybe 30 teachers. This year we threw a joint bridal shower for 3 teachers getting married, and then the other teachers threw me a "book" baby shower since I'm expecting (everyone who came brought a children's book for my daughter).

Not everyone bought anything or attended, but I think people are fine with it because we all know each other pretty well AND since there's not that many of us, these big life events don't come up all that often. 3 weddings in one year was kind of an anomaly.

I can imagine in a work environment of 100+ this would get super annoying. Constant showers for people you don't even know? Yeah, not going to participate in that.

AddieCake · June 2014

Yeah, that's a bit odd to include people who are not even in the building or even know him. Several times this year, we got whole-building invitations to donate for gifts for people who are leaving or retiring. I don't mind those, but I didn't participate b/c I am new there, and most of the people these were for I really didn't even know. But I still felt guilty about it, like there was that pressure that I really SHOULD contribute. By the end of the year, I was thinking, "This would really be adding up if I were participating in all of these," so there's that to consider with whole-work invitations, too.

blabla89 · June 2014

I work in a smaller office within a close-knit department, but this is a huge pet peeve for me. There's always pressure to give because someone is tracking who gives (and who doesn't) which becomes fodder for gossip and office politics.

climbingsingle · June 2014

So tacky.

mellyD2014 · June 2014

Eh, I work in a large bank and we have members in our 60-person group that are scattered around in 6 or 7 different locations. I wouldn't side-eye this - I think it's just one of those things that happen when you have group members in multiple locations.

charlottesmom0626 · June 2014

I work in a very small department (10 of us total). Two have been married since I started working here 4 years ago. We all were "expected" to go to the showers and weddings. I put expected in quotations because the department is so tiny, if you declined it was assumed you had another function and would send a gift. If you didn't send a gift, the gossip train got going. Ridiculous in my opinion, I was just out of college and not only didn't know these people well, but I was broke, and ended up spending more than my budget for monthly bills on these events.

gmcr78 · June 2014

It might be tacky, but it's common. I wouldn't have been terribly put off by this, personally. Maybe because I'm sort of used to it.
I work in a large corporate office with several hundred (maybe thousand, never thought about it) people. Usually for these kinds of things, they go department wide, but they are entirely voluntary and nobody is pressured to .
We have a married couple here expecting a baby this summer-the husband is in my department, the wife in another, so a work shower invitation went out to both entire departments, which is probably about 100 or so people. When I got married, my 30-something person department did the same thing (they combined it with a baby shower for another employee in the department).
Nobody is required to donate or participate. I can't speak for anyone else but I've never felt pressured. Typically everyone goes in on a gift card or something, and usually the managers or department heads get it with or without contributions from others.
That said, it's probably not great etiquette. I don't side-eye it because I'm used to it and I think in general the intention is good.

manateehugger · June 2014

I wouldn't really side-eye this, actually. It happens in our office tons - we have 16 offices nationwide and about 200 people in our office - for weddings and babies. I don't find it to be a big deal; I just don't reply if I don't really know the person.

I generally think work-related showers get a pass on most etiquette rules. As long as there isn't ridiculous pressure to contribute, I think it's fine. For a lot of work stuff, I throw in $5 or so and call it a day.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I just started working here officially last week, but have been a temp here for a few months now. My first week I went to a potluck baby shower for two girls in the department. I bought a $4 bowl of grapes and didn't bring a gift.

Then a few weeks back there was a wedding shower for one of the girls. Basically our whole floor shut down while the bride and groom opened their gifts and the rest of us drank and ate. This one, the department paid for the food, which was great. And letter did get sent around inviting us to participate in the group gift. I actually kind of liked it, because you could donate a mere $10 and get "credit" for giving a pretty substantial group gift. Or you could do your own thing, which several people did, mostly those who would be invited to the wedding itself. Now, I like this girl and would have participated regardless, but we were all kind of guilted into attending the shower whether we wanted to or not.

Kauris · June 2014

What you were sent OP, I would side-eye as well.

I declined a work shower from a co-worker because four of the women I work closest with are already invited to my shower this weekend and I don't want to seem greedy.

short+sassy · June 2014

This post actually brought up a happy memory for me. At a previous job, even though our office was small (about 15 people), there were three employees having babies at around the same time. We held a joint shower for all three of them and asked for monetary contributions for gifts. Another coworker and I pooled together the money and put together three identical baskets. It was a lot of fun. We also had a card for each coworker, but sent it around to have everyone sign it, whether they contributed money or not. We chose to do it that way because we wanted it to be a group effort/congratulations and didn't want to single out in the card who had/had not contributed. The other coworker and I were the only ones who knew who had contributed what, so it didn't become office fodder.

Inkdancer · June 2014

It does weird me out when the office is very large. I used to work on a campus with over 300 people. Sending something out to everyone would have been completely ridiculous. Why not just do something for that department?

CSunshine76 · June 2014

I would side eye the hell out of this. Perhaps because I've always worked for huge corporations in large offices, but a blanket invite doesn't sit well. Invite the person's direct department and any close work friends, but that's it. In my opinion, if an invite starts with "if you don't know so and so, delete", you're sending it to the wrong crowd.

May14TXbride · June 2014

What bothered me with most is that it was sent to everyone, without thinking about who was actually in the person's department/team or who the person knew. I have no problem participating in work showers with the people I know or are in my dept/team - but the way this one was sent, it felt like they were sending to EVERYONE just to get more money.

OnionBreath · June 2014

I don't find this to be a negative. I'm close to the people I work with and we've had showers before for employees.

I don't think its necessarily possible for organizers to know everyone who has a relationship with the couple so I don't fault the e-mail. There was a donation pool for someone who lost her husband 2 years ago and I know some people felt bad they weren't invited to it because $5 looks silly by itself but it is nice when it adds up.

I would've done it as a bcc though, I guess.

NWR: Did I just receive this work baby shower invite?

Re: NWR: Did I just receive this work baby shower invite?

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