Wedding Party

Flower Girl(s) and Ring Bearer

I'm working on figuring out my child attendant situation. I have a very small family, just two first cousins. They're married and each have two little girls (no boys). All four of them are blond and look like sisters. For my wedding, two of them will be 4 yrs and one will be 6. The other will be 1.5, so I'm not planning on including her. I'd like to find a way to include the other 3 girls, partly so nobody feels jealous or left out, but my fiance says he only wants one flower girl. My aunt (their grandmother) had suggested I have the eldest one hand out programs or something of the like, but my fiance doesn't like that idea either. I thought having three flower girls would be just fine, I thought having the 6 yr old would help keep the 4yr olds on task.

My only sister (my matron of honor) is about to have her first child, a boy. My wedding is next August so he'll be a little over a year. I really want to include him as the ring bearer, so I was thinking of having my brother-in-law carry him down the aisle (making him the ring bearer bearer). I also thought about having the flower girl(s) pull him in a wagon, but I like the idea of including my brother-in-law.

My fiance's family is very large and he's not really close with any of his cousins so doesn't feel the need to include them. (Especially since he can't even name all of them)

Any suggestions? 

Re: Flower Girl(s) and Ring Bearer

  • edited June 2014
    Have you considered not having a flower girl or ring bearer? That would solve all of the "family politics" problems. We didn't have either and I don't think anyone really noticed.

    If you really want child attendants:
    I think a one-year old is too young to be a ring-bearer, even if your BIL carries him. Would you be open to having 2 of the four kids could carry the rings? I know boys traditionally carry the rings, but there's absolutely no reason girls can't do it. It's just a ring on a pillow. One girl could carry yours, one could carry his and the could walk side by side. The other girl could toss the petals and your FI would be happy because you only have one FG.

    ETA: the 1.5 year old is also too young (IMHO) so she'd be with her mom. She won't know the difference anyway.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    I don't understand why you think the little girl of a year is too young but not the little boy. I am not a fan of kids under 3 in wedding parties or kids who have to be carried down the aisle to be in the wedding party. 

    It sounds like your fiance doesn't want all these girls in the wedding, so I think you should compromise and just have one flower girl and the others will just have to learn that not everybody gets to participate in everything. Either that, or do as SouthernBelle suggested and have one of them be ring bearers. I would say 2 of them, but I think if your fiance doesn't want 2 flower girls, he won't want 2 ring bearers, either. 


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't understand why your fi would decide that there should be one flower girl, without consideration to your relationship to them. 

    Since you've agreed to one flower girl, choose the six year old, because she's the oldest and sometimes older children get to do things that younger children don't. You can still get pictures with all the children, which should make them feel special.
                       
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I find it odd your FI cares about the number of flower girls, but thats between you two.

    1 is too young to be in your wedding party. My ring bearer was my three year old niece, so you could certainly have one of the girls be a ring bearer, but you still have an odd one out unless your FI budges on the 1 person per unique role.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, first, skip the wagon.  Many venues don't allow them, and a child who can't get up and down the aisle without being pulled in one isn't big enough to be a flower girl or ring bearer and has no clue what's being asked of them.  Nor should small children be pulling even smaller children in a wagon up and down and aisle for safety reasons.  Nor should 6 year olds be expected to "keep 4 year olds on track."  

    Just take photos with any children under about 3 and let it go at that.  They will be "cute" and "included" just being in photos.  For the older children, why is it up to your FI who are flower girls?  Just pick who you want (over about age 3) and let it go at that.

    And why do you want a ring bearer "a little over 1 year old" but not a flower girl who's 1.5 years old?  The inconsistency stands out.

    I agree with not asking kids to hand out programs.  
  • I want my nephew to be the ring bearer because he is literally the only male in my family who is not older than me. He's also the first grandchild for my parents, so he's pretty special right now. I'm well aware that he may cry or yell, but that's fine. I'm not going to be upset, not everything will go perfectly. I just want to try to include him. Having my brother-in-law be the ring bearer's bearer seemed like a good way to include him as well. I only have one sister so her family is very special to me. I wasn't going to be particularly fancy, my nephew can wear one of those cute onesies with the picture of a tux on it (outdoor wedding in July) and my brother-in-law can wear the black suit he already owns and a tie that matches the groomsmen.

    As for flower girls, I'll probably go with the oldest as the only flower girl. I didn't think excluding the youngest cousin was that big of a deal. I know my family, and nobody's going to feel slighted about not including her, but including my nephew.

     

    Thank you for your suggestions.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your nephew will be "included" just by being there.  You don't have to do more than that.
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