Maybes after RSVP due

EverAfer · June 2014

What's etiquette re: maybes after RSVPs are due?

For example, rsvps are past due. And you've gotten a bunch of people who opt to tell you verbally maybe, instead of declining.
And there's a host of reason, such as moving within a few weeks of wedding, pregnancy, trying to get time off, etc etc.

I get the reasons, but I don't want to hold 10-12 seats for people who wants the option of deciding that week or that weekend whether they can/want to come to the wedding.

What are your thoughts?

lyndausvi · June 2014

how are out is your wedding?

April192002 · June 2014

I think life happens and you'll always have people who can't give you a yes or no until the last minute, whether it be for work, finding a babysitter, tight money, or whatever else they may or may not share with you. It sucks, but it's best to plan for all of the maybes and those who you can't get in touch with to attend.

tigersgirlgv · June 2014

I'd just say, "We need to turn in final numbers by xyz. We'll need a definite answer by then. We hope you can make it."

Viczaesar · June 2014

EverAfer said:

What's etiquette re: maybes after RSVPs are due?

For example, rsvps are past due. And you've gotten a bunch of people who opt to tell you verbally maybe, instead of declining.
And there's a host of reason, such as moving within a few weeks of wedding, pregnancy, trying to get time off, etc etc.

I get the reasons, but I don't want to hold 10-12 seats for people who wants the option of deciding that week or that weekend whether they can/want to come to the wedding.

What are your thoughts?

When is your wedding? How far out was your STD deadline?

EverAfer · June 2014

lyndausvi, we're about 2 weeks out from wedding. Final numbers are due on Monday.

EverAfer · June 2014

Viczaesar, these folks received Save The Dates at about 6 months out. Invitations went out about 7 weeks out. Wedding in 2 weeks.

Viczaesar · June 2014

Then your timeline is perfect (I was worried you had a ridiculously early RSVP date, like 2-3 months from the wedding, which would make your guests' indecision more understandable). In this case I personally would call all of them one last time and let them know that you need to give the final numbers to your caterer on Monday, so if they don't know by then you'll have to put them down as a decline, unfortunately (or something to that effect).

lyndausvi · June 2014

Viczaesar said:

Then your timeline is perfect (I was worried you had a ridiculously early RSVP date, like 2-3 months from the wedding, which would make your guests' indecision more understandable). In this case I personally would call all of them one last time and let them know that you need to give the final numbers to your caterer on Monday, so if they don't know by then you'll have to put them down as a decline, unfortunately (or something to that effect).

Yep. This^. All of it.

EverAfer · June 2014

Thanks, that's what I thought. But didn't want to come off as demanding or as if I'm taking back the invitation.

Viczaesar · June 2014

EverAfer said:

Thanks, that's what I thought. But didn't want to come off as demanding or as if I'm taking back the invitation.

I understand; it puts you in a sticky wicket. I think the key is to sound apologetic but firm - you were so hoping that they would be able to join you but unfortunately you simply must give your final head count to the caterer Monday and it's out of your hands, but you wish them the best with ____ and look forward to catching up with them soon, etc.

Nymeru · June 2014

I'm sure they'll all understand if you explain the deadline. They're grown-ups. They will deal, knowing full well they've made the decision not to come if they don't get back to you on time. No one is going to feel like you uninvited them.

Weesh · June 2014

Our wedding is next Friday, and I had to give the numbers in on Tuesday. I have a bridesmaid who's going through some personal issues, and I'm not 100% sure if she or her husband will be able to make it. My venue was able to let me not pay for them, but I was able to put them in the seating chart. If they make it that night, I will get an invoice for the two additional guests. Granted it's only 2 people, but if they are close to you, maybe your venue will let you do something similar? Otherwise, I agree with the PP's. Let them know when you need to finalize the numbers, and wish them well with their babies/families/moving, etc.

ashleyep · June 2014

To add on to what @Weesh said - my venue says they'll be prepared to feed 5% over our head count (we would be charged for them, of course). It's worth a try to ask. But I think it ultimately depends on how important they are to you.

photokitty · June 2014

Mine said final numbers 7 days out, but I could add up to 10%. I just could not drop below the final number. If your venue will let you do that I would just put them all at one table, regardless of if they know each other bc actions have consequences, and add as needed.

We had a table the DOC referred to as the "late for dinner table." It was for the vendors and anyone who showed up without RSVPing...luckily we didn't have any of those. But he said it happens at almost half the weddings he does.

EverAfer · June 2014

I think the venue provides 5% over our head count. Good news, the mother-to-be just texted to definitively say No. She's being induced 2 days before the wedding, so that's 4 nos. The few remaining, I will contact today to let them know that the numbers are due and I'll have to start the seating arrangement soon. But at least I won't have a full table of maybes. Thanks!

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