Using Parents' Names

tabathafaye · June 2014

We either want to put "together with their parents" or use our parents' names on our invitation.

Examples show (These are not real names, just the ones on the example)

Together with

Mr. & Mrs. Henry Nakagawa and

Mr. & Mrs. Sean Gallagher

Alyssa Chiemi Nakagawa

&

Stephen Michael Gallagher

However, neither my fiance or I have the same last names as our parents (dads passed away, mothers remarried). Is it ok to have:

Together with their parents,

Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad Lastname and
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad Lastname,

Me Middle MyLast
and
Fiance Middle HisLast

....

And, can I include the moms' names?

Together with their parents,
Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad and MyMom Lastname and
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad and HisMom Lastname,
...

Thanks in advance for the advice!

futuremrsog15 · June 2014

Hi there,
I have seen, in examples while looking for invites myself, the following:

Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad

Request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children

Me Middle MyLast
and
Fiance Middle HisLast

Just another option for you. I had to read your post a couple of times to get how you were wanting to your mom's name in there, but that is confusing, they would be listed twice? Within the Mr. and Mrs. & then again just alone? Am I understanding you right?

Jen4948 · June 2014

tabathafaye said:

We either want to put "together with their parents" or use our parents' names on our invitation.

Examples show (These are not real names, just the ones on the example)

Together with
Mr. & Mrs. Henry Nakagawa and
Mr. & Mrs. Sean Gallagher
Alyssa Chiemi Nakagawa
&
Stephen Michael Gallagher
However, neither my fiance or I have the same last names as our parents (dads passed away, mothers remarried). Is it ok to have:
Together with their parents,
Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad Lastname and
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad Lastname,
Me Middle MyLast
and
Fiance Middle HisLast
....

And, can I include the moms' names?
Together with their parents,
Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad and MyMom Lastname and
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad and HisMom Lastname,
...
Thanks in advance for the advice!

Stuck in box...

Why not do

Together with their parents
MyStepdad and MyMom Lastname and
HisStepdad and HisMom Lastname,
etc. with no "Mr. and Mrs." ?

climbingsingle · June 2014

We did:

Together with their parents

Bride & Groom blah blah blah

we didn't list out everyone's names.

tabathafaye · June 2014

futuremrsog15 said:

Hi there,
I have seen, in examples while looking for invites myself, the following:

Mr. and Mrs. MyStepdad
Mr. and Mrs. HisStepdad

Request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children

Me Middle MyLast
and
Fiance Middle HisLast

Just another option for you. I had to read your post a couple of times to get how you were wanting to your mom's name in there, but that is confusing, they would be listed twice? Within the Mr. and Mrs. & then again just alone? Am I understanding you right?

No not twice, just with the stepdads. So either Mr. and Mrs. John Doe or Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

Or I could do like a PP suggested "John and Jane Doe"

futuremrsog15 · June 2014

Okay I understand now. My stepsister just got married and her father wasn't involved. So they put:

Mr and Mrs. Stepdadfirstname and Momfirstname Lastname

Then included the bride's last name in the middle section.

CMGragain · June 2014

Together with their families
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

or

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Stepfather
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Stepfather
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
(etc.)
"children" do not get married.

Are both sets of parents hosting your wedding? You should not list people on your invitation just because they are your parents. Only the host's names and the bridal couple should be on the invitation. It is not a family tree. It is not an honor to be on an invitation! It is only an honor to receive one.

You may put your late father's names on your program in a brief "In Memory" section.

CMGragain · June 2014

I believe Emily Post uses "Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith".

tabathafaye · June 2014

We are all hosting

All of this is confusing so I think I will just go with

Together with

Mr. and Mrs. Doe and

Mr. and Mrs. Jones

Tabatha _____

and

Nick_____

blah blah blah

Jen4948 · June 2014

StephM161984 said:

I'm trying to figure out wording for divorced parents!

You list each parent or couple on separate lines of the invitation. If all are hosting, you could have as many as four lines if you want to include each set.

Or, you can use "together with their parents/families" and not list any parents.

CMGragain · June 2014

tabathafaye said:

We are all hosting

All of this is confusing so I think I will just go with

Together with
Mr. and Mrs. Doe and
Mr. and Mrs. Jones

Tabatha _____
and
Nick_____
blah blah blah

The bride and groom never take credit for hosting their own wedding. If you were hosting your wedding by yourselves, as many couples do, you use the passive voice to avoid this. Since your parents are also hosting, you should send the invitation in their names. The bride and groom are the focus of the event, and it isn't proper for them to claim credit for hosting it.
I would do either,":together with their families", or name them - not both. That is redundant and looks odd.

CMGragain · June 2014

StephM161984 said:

I'm trying to figure out wording for divorced parents!

Traditional:

Ms. Jane Doe
Mr. John Doe
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's first middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

Non-traditional

Together with their parents
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage

jenijoyk · June 2014

I disagree that it is not an honor to have your parents' names listed. It is definitely an honor! Our parents (both sets of whom were hosting, along with us) were all flattered to learn we were including their names on our invitation.

CMGragain · June 2014

jenijoyk said:

I disagree that it is not an honor to have your parents' names listed. It is definitely an honor! Our parents (both sets of whom were hosting, along with us) were all flattered to learn we were including their names on our invitation.

This is not a matter of opinion. The invitation is a note from the HOSTS (both sets of your parents, in your case) to the guests, explaining who, what, when, and where. If you are not the bride, the groom, or the hosts, your name does not belong on the invitation. The invitation is not a family tree. It honors the guest who receives it, not the names who are on the invitation.
Since both sets of parents are hosting your wedding, it is proper to put both names on your invitation, but this does not mean that everybody should do this. When the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding, they never directly invite people. Instead, the invitation is written in the passive voice to avoid this.

Jen4948 · June 2014

jenijoyk said:

I disagree that it is not an honor to have your parents' names listed. It is definitely an honor! Our parents (both sets of whom were hosting, along with us) were all flattered to learn we were including their names on our invitation.

Not according to etiquette it's not. @CMGragain says it best: The invitation is not a family tree or a playbill. It is not meant to stroke the egos of the bride, groom, or any of their family members but to invite guests to attend an event.

jenijoyk · June 2014

There is huge difference between "stroking someone's egos" and honoring your parents for helping you host your wedding. Etiquette = rules for not offending people. Etiquette has nothing to do with whether your parents are touched that you include them on your invite.

Is it required by etiquette? No. Should anyone expect to have their names on an invite because they are helping? No.

But is it a really nice thing to do and will (many) parents be touched you wanted to include their names? Yes.

jenijoyk · June 2014

And I never said that anyone had to include names of parents, hosting or otherwise. I just said it is an honor (from a parent's point of view) to be included on an invite. And yes, this is an opinion. In my opinion, it's nice and it's thoughtful to do if they are putting a lot of time and money into helping pull of your special day.

I'm not arguing with anyone over etiquette rules here.

CMGragain · June 2014

It is not an honor because you have declared it to be one. You honor parents by including them in your PROGRAM, and by thanking them at the reception. The invitation is a simple note, and it does not honor someone to be on it.
As a traditional MOB, I would have been embarrassed to be on any invitation unless I was hosting the event! It implies that I want attention and credit for something that I did not do! I certainly was not on the rehearsal dinner invitation, as the groom's parents hosted that.

jenijoyk · June 2014

I never was talking about including parents who aren't hosting, nor was the OP. That being said, "hosting" can be defined any number of ways.

Jen4948 · June 2014

No, actually it can't. For purposes of invitations, it means who is actually inviting the guests and making sure their needs are attended to? That's not the same as paying, because one can contribute financially without doing those things. It's also none of the guests' business who is paying for what.

The guests also don't need family trees. What they do need to know is who to communicate with about the wedding, and it wastes their time to list parents as hosts who tell the guests, "Sorry, we don't know anything and can't help you" all because you're trying to use the wrong vehicle to "honor" someone who is not actually performing the functions of a host.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

CMGragain -- can you PLEASE come and educate my mother and aunt on this??? I was just put through the ringer because I didn't name my mother and father on the invitation. They are neither paying (for ANYTHING) nor hosting, and they were greatly offended to not be specifically named on the invitation.

CMGragain · July 2014

My sympathies. Ask them, "Mom, why do you think your name should be on the invitation?" Then shut up and listen. "Do you want to host my wedding?" "Do you want to pay for my wedding?" Phrase everything in the form of a question.
Good luck!

Using Parents' Names

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