Being Ditched for a Free Trip

Rmoreno1292 · June 2014

Yesterday, my MOH told me that she had the opportunity to go on an all-inclusive, paid-for trip to Florida ( we are in CA). The bad part? It was the weekend of my bridal party that SHE and my mom are planning. She asked me for permission to go, and if it were possible to move the bridal party to the following weekend. I told her I would ask my mom if she wanted to do it. At first, I was really happy for her and excited. So I asked my mom what she thought and she said she didn't want to move the date because it wouldn't be fair to the others in the bridal party to switch their days again (we had already switched the day once). So okay, I relayed that info to her. My mom said she would take over and do it herself, and for her not to feel bad because at least she had helped with the planning. When I gave my MOH the news, I had to tell her through text bc she was at work, and couldnt wait to hear what the verdict was. Okay. So the MOH stated she felt bad because she was presented with two once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, my bridal shower and this trip. She continued to say that she was going to go to the trip. And she would bring me back something from Florida because she loves me that much. After reading that, I was flabergasted. She really chose to go on this trip and ditch my bridal party. I am really hurt, and I dont know if I am over exxagerating because it's my wedding, or if I'm PMSing, or if I am right in feeling this way. I understand that her life is not going to stop for this wedding, but I'm pretty sure Florida will still be there when the wedding is over, maybe not paid, but it'll be there.

bcm4585 · June 2014

Rmoreno1292 said: Yesterday, my MOH told me that she had the opportunity to go on an all-inclusive, paid-for trip to Florida ( we are in CA). The bad part? It was the weekend of my bridal party that SHE and my mom are planning. She asked me for permission to go, and if it were possible to move the bridal party to the following weekend. I told her I would ask my mom if she wanted to do it. At first, I was really happy for her and excited. So I asked my mom what she thought and she said she didn't want to move the date because it wouldn't be fair to the others in the bridal party to switch their days again (we had already switched the day once). So okay, I relayed that info to her. My mom said she would take over and do it herself, and for her not to feel bad because at least she had helped with the planning. When I gave my MOH the news, I had to tell her through text bc she was at work, and couldnt wait to hear what the verdict was. Okay. So the MOH stated she felt bad because she was presented with two once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, my bridal shower and this trip. She continued to say that she was going to go to the trip. And she would bring me back something from Florida because she loves me that much. After reading that, I was flabergasted. She really chose to go on this trip and ditch my bridal party. I am really hurt, and I dont know if I am over exxagerating because it's my wedding, or if I'm PMSing, or if I am right in feeling this way. I understand that her life is not going to stop for this wedding, but I'm pretty sure Florida will still be there when the wedding is over, maybe not paid, but it'll be there.
________________________________________________________ Definitely exaggerating. By bridal party do you mean shower, I guess? I'm inclined to believe this is fake because could someone honestly think that a friend you care about enough to make your MOH should not go on a free trip across the country, in place of spending one afternoon watching you open presents is not a thing worth getting mad over. So unless you want to pay for her to go to Florida for free in the future for her to be at your party, that's a way over the top thing to be flabbergasted about.

And for the love of all that is holy please don't use "PMSing" as an excuse for like, anything. As if we really need to be contributing to the idea women aren't responsible for our feelings because zomg, hormones.

slothiegal · June 2014

Over-exaggerating. I can understand being a little bummed that she won't be there, but seriously--it's a free trip as opposed to a day of watching you open presents. She kept you in the loop the whole time, made arrangements to make sure that the party will still be planned by your mother, she's in the clear.

Now, if this was the actual wedding....then I'd have something else to say. But this is a shower, and no one is required to be there. Deep breath.

bmydesigner · June 2014

Yeah, over exaggerating. Sorry but a free trip to florida trumps your bridal shower.

Be happy for your friend and move on.

ohannabelle · June 2014

If it's just switching the date to another weekend, who cares? If it's happening anyway, so what? Yes, you're being hypersensitive. Free trips don't happen very often. She can't reschedule that, she can reschedule a shower.

Rmoreno1292 · June 2014

@BCM I do get really emotional during that time, its not blaming it. It's happened before where I later realize it was over the top. Like here, I am seeing what you guys are seeing. My feelings were really hurt, but I do realize its a major deal. Thanks for the insight guys. And I found it quite interesting how some mentioned "watch me open gifts'. That's actually the last thing on my mind, my POV was spending time with them, but now that I remembered that I get gifts, it makes it a little better hahaha. Sure glad I got other opinions before addressing it to her.

slothiegal · June 2014

Yup, I'm sure she feels bad about it already (my MOH felt terrible about not being able to come to mine....but it was being held across the country by my FMIL and MOH had just lost her job...even though she knew I would be PISSED if she spent her rent money on a plane ticket just to come to my shower, I think she still feels a little bad she couldn't be present).

Wish her a great time, have a girls night when she gets back to hear about her trip and for her to hear about your shower, and know that she'll be there when it really matters (and the only thing she's truly on the hook for)--standing beside you on your wedding day.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Breath, yes you will miss her but not having there won't be the end of the world. She is still going to help your mom up until she leaves. Plus it sounds like you have other BM that can help out the day of the shower. Let her enjoy her vacation, it's not everyday someone gets a chance like that. Enjoy your shower and when she returns you can tell her all about your shower & she can tell you all about her vacation. A good reason for a girls night out.

bcm4585 · June 2014

Rmoreno1292 said:

@BCM I do get really emotional during that time, its not blaming it. It's happened before where I later realize it was over the top. Like here, I am seeing what you guys are seeing. My feelings were really hurt, but I do realize its a major deal. Thanks for the insight guys. And I found it quite interesting how some mentioned "watch me open gifts'. That's actually the last thing on my mind, my POV was spending time with them, but now that I remembered that I get gifts, it makes it a little better hahaha. Sure glad I got other opinions before addressing it to her.

Not implying that was your issue with it, it's just that most of what a bridal shower is will be that activity. It'd be great to have all of your party there for every wedding activity you want them at, but big picture, this is probably the best thing she could miss. I'm helping one of my besties plan as much of her wedding as she wants me to because I genuinely love love throwing and hosting parties, and I totally passed the bridal shower off to the MOH because it's just not one of the more exciting parts of the process. It can be if you make it so, but I'm putting that energy into the bachelorette instead. So just focus on your next event and make sure you let you party know how much you appreciate their enthusiasm.

As for the PMSing, just a general note I like to make a point of to women, huuuuge pet peeve I've developed through my working life. Associating your emotions with your cycle too often just lends to people dismissing your legitimate concerns and feelings with "it's probably just her time." Or even if you never say that, it's still way to common of a smokescreen people use for addressing real issues and doesn't need help being bolstered. Just own that you feel how you feel because you feel it. Something to just think about.

KatWAG · June 2014

I would take a free trip over a bridal shower in a hot second. And I doubt I would feel bad about it. She is not required to attend any pre- wedding events. I get that its worse because she offered to host but I still dont think its an issue.

And please dont use PMS as an excuse for anything.

climbingsingle · June 2014

Bridal showers are painfully boring. I'd be happy for my MOH and I'd insist she go.

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

KatWAG said:
I would take a free trip over a bridal shower in a hot second. And I doubt I would feel bad about it. She is not required to attend any pre- wedding events. I get that its worse because she offered to host but I still dont think its an issue.

And please dont use PMS as an excuse for anything.

This.

Nymeru · June 2014

I agree. The bridal shower is really not that big of a deal in the scheme of things. If she was choosing this trip over your wedding, then yes, I could see getting more upset. Let her go and wish her well. We should all be so lucky to win an all-inclusive trip. People would be so much nicer to be around if they had more vacations.

pegasuskat · June 2014

If its a way out I don;t see why your mom is so firmly against changing the date? Did you even ask the other BM's if they would mind? I would be more flexable unless invites were already out....

LondonLisa · June 2014

I would hardly call a bridal shower a once in a lifetime event. It is a party where you open presents. Let's get some perspective here!

You are making it sound like she is ditching your wedding ceremony to go out with a guy she just met.

A free trip definitely trumps this! Be happy for your friend and get over it.

ShesSoCold · June 2014

Hell, I'd consider moving my own shower for a free trip.

OP, you're over-reacting.

You said in your post that "Florida will still be there" and then you said that you considered your shower more about spending time together than opening gifts. I would hope that you will still be there for her after this trip.

At the risk of sounding snarky, get over yourself.

alpacalunch · June 2014

Rmoreno1292 said:

Yesterday, my MOH told me that she had the opportunity to go on an all-inclusive, paid-for trip to Florida ( we are in CA). The bad part? It was the weekend of my bridal party that SHE and my mom are planning. She asked me for permission to go, and if it were possible to move the bridal party to the following weekend. I told her I would ask my mom if she wanted to do it. At first, I was really happy for her and excited. So I asked my mom what she thought and she said she didn't want to move the date because it wouldn't be fair to the others in the bridal party to switch their days again (we had already switched the day once). So okay, I relayed that info to her. My mom said she would take over and do it herself, and for her not to feel bad because at least she had helped with the planning. When I gave my MOH the news, I had to tell her through text bc she was at work, and couldnt wait to hear what the verdict was. Okay. So the MOH stated she felt bad because she was presented with two once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, my bridal shower and this trip. She continued to say that she was going to go to the trip. And she would bring me back something from Florida because she loves me that much. After reading that, I was flabergasted. She really chose to go on this trip and ditch my bridal party. I am really hurt, and I dont know if I am over exxagerating because it's my wedding, or if I'm PMSing, or if I am right in feeling this way. I understand that her life is not going to stop for this wedding, but I'm pretty sure Florida will still be there when the wedding is over, maybe not paid, but it'll be there.

SITB

Okay, I get being disappointed. I do. But really? REALLY? Of course the trip is the right choice! I'd probably rather go on a free trip than to my OWN shower! She's not being a bad friend in any fashion. She's being open, forthright, and careful of your feelings. So suck it up, act like a grown woman, and be happy for your friend and this great opportunity she's been given. Yeesh.

lyndausvi · June 2014

I'm fairly certain I would have insisted my MOH got on the trip. Maybe even given her a little spending money. Doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed she wasn't at the shower. Then I again I don't like showers, so there's that.

MyNameIsNot · June 2014

KatWAG said:

I would take a free trip over a bridal shower in a hot second. And I doubt I would feel bad about it. She is not required to attend any pre- wedding events. I get that its worse because she offered to host but I still dont think its an issue.

And please dont use PMS as an excuse for anything.

This, especially the bolded.

When women use PMS as an excuse for behaving childishly, it takes us all down a rung.

AddieCake · June 2014

LondonLisa said:

I would hardly call a bridal shower a once in a lifetime event. It is a party where you open presents. Let's get some perspective here!

So much this. I have never once been excited about attending a bridal shower.

lilacck28 · June 2014

I remember when I was young, and Hilary Clinton was on the cover of Time (or maybe Newsweek?) with the headline "Is American ready for a female President?" and it was actually an acceptable argument to say that "no! of course not! those dastardly female hormones will never allow a female to be a suitable President! What if an international conflict arises and she's on the flow!?!?!" Yeah, that was our lesson plan/ debate for the day in social studies class.

Let's not go back to that. Ever.

Being Ditched for a Free Trip

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