Pre-wedding Parties

Last minute wedding, couple lives far away, what do I do?

Hi everyone, I'd love some input here.

My best friend and her fiance are in the military. They just announced that they're getting married next month (which was very last minute). There's one catch - to be "different" they're surprising everyone, so very few people know they're getting married. The attendees will think they're coming to a surprise birthday party for my friend's fiance.

I'm the maid of honor. Even though this is really last minute, I still feel like my friend deserves a shower and a bachelorette. They're both going to be home for a week leading up to the wedding, but my friend has already expressed that she doesn't want to be taken away from her fiance, so a girl's night out is out of the question (he's been deployed for over a year - understandable). The flights are SUPER expensive to visit her, so I wouldn't be able to visit her before they come home for the wedding.

My husband and I had planned a party at our house for the weekend before their wedding (unrelated to them - we have this party every year for the 4th of July). But since lots of people don't know they're getting married, it's not like I can even make the party "bachelorette" themed.

What am I supposed to do?!?!

I would appreciate any input. I'm desperate!

Re: Last minute wedding, couple lives far away, what do I do?

  • Between it being a surprise wedding and your friend saying she doesn't want to spend time away from her FI right now it sounds like she is saying she does not want a shower or a bachelorette party. So no matter how much you think she deserves one it would be rude of you not to respect her wishes in this aspect. Like PP said I hope it doesn't backfire on them. I might not make the trip for a birthday party when I would for a wedding.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's sweet of you to want to do these things for your friend, but a surprise wedding usually means forgoing pre-wedding activities like bachelorettes and bridal showers.

    Why don't you ask her what she'd prefer? "Hey friend, I can't wait to be part of your special day! I know you're only in town for a week and the wedding is a surprise, but would you like me to plan a girls' day or night out?" If she agrees and you don't call it a bachelorette, the surprise won't be ruined and she can still have time with her girlfriends. Maybe beforehand, you can gift her with some lingerie or share a penis cookie (whatever her style is) in private. 

    Oh, wow. That last sentence sounds uber creepy, but I think you get the idea. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It seems like your friend doesn't want a shower or bp, so let go of that idea. If you want to do something special for her, buy her a personal gift. 

    I hope that none of her VIPs decline her invitations thinking they're opting out of a birthday party.
                       
  • You could offer to plan a girls night after the wedding (maybe next time her FI deploys) - it obviously wouldn't be a bachelorette but I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture
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