Two receptions but not really

Re: Two receptions but not really

• Dutch Jessica member

  

  October 2013

  I know in the USA many people will say it is a big no no to do what you suggest. Here in the Netherlands it is very common to have like a cocktail reception or evening event for a bigger crowd and dinner for a more intimate group. I really like your idea. Could you sweeten the deal by calling the bigger group the reception and the intimate setting an after party?

  Report0 Reply
• doeydo member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  juggiesgirl said:

  I have a small budget and a large family/community base that I would like to share in my day ( approx. 200+) My thought was to do a cookie and punch reception at the church after the ceremony where we could greet everyone and then for immediate family and wedding party (approx 30-40) have the formal reception at another location about an hour and a half later. this would allow me to see those that came only for the wedding and yet they still have a token of appreciate from us for sharing our day. What I'm hearing is that I'll hurt people feelings or they will feel less than or slighted if they are not at the "main" reception. I'm aware I can't please everyone but is there a problem with what I have planned? I'm starting to have panic attacks about it and ready to do the JP and leave everyone out but I want my wedding. Help!

  That's called a tiered reception and is quite rude.  Either have a wedding with a large guest list and just do the cake/cookies and punch reception (providing it is not in a meal time) or have a small guest list for the wedding.  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Kbastis member

  

  November 2013

  Caution. Yes tiered receptions are bad form but I think there is a way around it. Have the wedding early do a cake/ dessert reception with the dances, cake cutting, tosses if you are doing them etc etc. make the reception long enough to talk to everyone that came to celebrate with you. Then after a several hour break, a quiet dinner with just immediate family and wedding party. But the dinner is just that, a fancy dinner, it is not the "main" reception. Good luck.

  Report0 Reply
• QueerFemme member

  

  January 2014

  juggiesgirl said:

  I have a small budget and a large family/community base that I would like to share in my day ( approx. 200+) My thought was to do a cookie and punch reception at the church after the ceremony where we could greet everyone and then for immediate family and wedding party (approx 30-40) have the formal reception at another location about an hour and a half later. this would allow me to see those that came only for the wedding and yet they still have a token of appreciate from us for sharing our day. What I'm hearing is that I'll hurt people feelings or they will feel less than or slighted if they are not at the "main" reception. I'm aware I can't please everyone but is there a problem with what I have planned? I'm starting to have panic attacks about it and ready to do the JP and leave everyone out but I want my wedding. Help!

  
  don't do this. It is rude and offensive.  The "main" reception needs to be for everyone.  If you can't afford to host a meal for everyone, host your wedding at a non-meal time and provide appetizers and desserts for everyone.  And that's it.   People WILL feel slighted and their feelings will be hurt.   Can you imagine this conversation:

  Bob - "Ok Jane, see you in a couple of hours at the reception"

  Jane - "we weren't invited to that one. We weren't good enough".

  It's tacky, and rude.  If you invite someone, you invite them to all events. Either cut your guest list, or figure out a way to properly host your guests.

  

  Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

  http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
  

  Report0 Reply
• thedivav member

  

  January 2014

  Doing a destination wedding with family big party for everyone couple. Months later party... Not sit down dinner

  "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History" ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich~
  
  

  Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• BeyondHappy member

  

  January 2014

  You have the wedding and then some kind of reception for EVERYONE, and then you and your new husband leave the reception for your honeymoon.
  
  You do not circle back and go to some secret dinner.
  
  You LEAVE the reception and START your honeymoon.
  

  Report0 Reply
• ctrnjchick member

  

  March 2014

  There's one main thing that most people forget. Its you n your fiancee/husband's day.
  
  I've worked in wedfings for 15 plus years. Don't drive yourself nuts making sure everyone is happy. Its Inevitable someone is going to complain. And if they complain you definitely don't need to pay $ 50+ a plate!!
  
  Like I said before... IT'S YOUR DAY. these are your memories. Enjoy the day and do it your way.
  
  Good luck

  Report0 Reply
• DanaLemon6 member

  

  June 2014

  I'm sad to hear such harsh responses.  Everyone's situation is a bit different and their resources unique, sometimes limited.  My guy and I have been together for over 17 years, have 6 kids - that are all OURS - have lived through a 40 foot fall off a roof, a devastating fire and all the other day to day trials that a working class family faces these days...and am a first time 40+ year old bride.  I cannot, realistically, sink loads of money into the "perfect" wedding to meet EVERYONE elses desires and still honor the needs and priorities of our children and family.  However, at this point in our family lives, there are just TONS of people who will expect to be a part of this day.  I got the estimate on our food costs after initially planning a traditional wedding format, and frankly, it was outrageous (over $14,000).  I have always wanted to get and be married and I would like to do it in a classy...even if unique...way.  We have decided to do a three tier wedding...actually, as a matter of respect to our guests:  My fiancé's family, will not attend any of the festivities due to the fact that we are having alcohol at our event.  So we are planning to have a group of guests, that include his family and an addition group of guests who are closer to us and our family attend the ceremony.  Pictures with his family will immediately follow the ceremony and serve as a transition period, while the other guest who came for the ceremony will begin dinner.  A bit later, a third set of guests will begin arriving for the introduction of the Bride/Groom and family and the cake cutting ceremony will serve as the "kick-off" event....after which, the party will begin!!  I will do my best to explain the day's formats in a way that other's will understand, but if the guests are so put off by our plans, I suppose they don't need to be at our wedding...and what a shame if they don't and "talk" about us behind our backs, because I planned the guest list with great thought of those who we would want to share a part of this day with us.  The world would be a better place if more of us could truly honor our differences and uniqueness...then maybe this format would be considered "creative" rather than "rude"

  Report1 Reply
• LondonLisa member

  

  June 2014

  DanaLemon6 said:

  I'm sad to hear such harsh responses.  Everyone's situation is a bit different and their resources unique, sometimes limited.  My guy and I have been together for over 17 years, have 6 kids - that are all OURS - have lived through a 40 foot fall off a roof, a devastating fire and all the other day to day trials that a working class family faces these days...and am a first time 40+ year old bride.  I cannot, realistically, sink loads of money into the "perfect" wedding to meet EVERYONE elses desires and still honor the needs and priorities of our children and family.  However, at this point in our family lives, there are just TONS of people who will expect to be a part of this day.  I got the estimate on our food costs after initially planning a traditional wedding format, and frankly, it was outrageous (over $14,000).  I have always wanted to get and be married and I would like to do it in a classy...even if unique...way.  We have decided to do a three tier wedding...actually, as a matter of respect to our guests:  My fiancé's family, will not attend any of the festivities due to the fact that we are having alcohol at our event.  So we are planning to have a group of guests, that include his family and an addition group of guests who are closer to us and our family attend the ceremony.  Pictures with his family will immediately follow the ceremony and serve as a transition period, while the other guest who came for the ceremony will begin dinner.  A bit later, a third set of guests will begin arriving for the introduction of the Bride/Groom and family and the cake cutting ceremony will serve as the "kick-off" event....after which, the party will begin!!  I will do my best to explain the day's formats in a way that other's will understand, but if the guests are so put off by our plans, I suppose they don't need to be at our wedding...and what a shame if they don't and "talk" about us behind our backs, because I planned the guest list with great thought of those who we would want to share a part of this day with us.  The world would be a better place if more of us could truly honor our differences and uniqueness...then maybe this format would be considered "creative" rather than "rude"

  Sorry, but this is incredibly rude. No matter how much qualifiying and explaining you do, tiered receptions are rude. Would you host a dinner party and then invite people to come over for only the dessert portion? 

  
  

  Limited resources? Get married in the afternoon and have a lovely cake and punch reception for everyone. Don't use budget and "uniqueness" to mask your rudeness. 

  
  

  At least own the fact that your wedding "vision" was more important than how you treat your friends and family. 

  Report0 Reply