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Wedding Party

Thoughts, please: 1 Bridesmaid and Flower Girls versus 7 bridesmaids and flower girls.

Hello, ladies. I'm new to the boards. (I've been lurking for about a week.) I would love some thoughts from those of you who have been through the trenches on this one.

Background: We are inviting 130 people to our wedding but due to many of the guests being spread across the country and the time of year for the ceremony (December), we expect about 60 - 70 guests. So it won't be a huge wedding by any stretch of the word. And it will be an afternoon wedding.

Bridesmaid Dilemma: I am blessed to have 7 women I would like to have in my wedding. But with 7 of those women included in the guest list, it might be a bit much to have 14 of the 60 or 70 people (7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen) as part of the wedding party. At least that's what my mom and sister and a good friend (who would be a bridesmaid) have suggested. They've all individually said that it might look like no one is in the pews. 

So, alternatively, I am considering having my sister and three flower girls. I am very close with my sister and none of my friends would be offended by having just my sister. Although some of my friends had hoped and/or expected that they would be a bridesmaid. I am blessed to call these women friends and do want them to be a part of this day. But I don't want to look silly. This is my first wedding. I'm 36. And I don't know that I can see things clearly as the bridesmaid decision (for me) is definitely an emotional decision. Oh, and the youngest bridesmaid is 31 and the oldest is 40. If that adds anything to the discussion. And due to the makeup of the bridal party and not wanting anyone to get hurt feelings, it would have to be all 7 women plus the flower girls or just 1 woman (my sister) plus the flower girls.

Questions for your opinions, etc.:
1) 7 Bridesmaids for a small wedding - is that just plain ridiculous?

2) Does my sister as the maid of honor and three flower girls sound okay instead?

3) Would it be okay to host a brunch the day of the ceremony for these women who would otherwise be bridesmaids? To have them get ready with me? (I have no expectation of them doing any work or any jobs. Just being there, laughing, having fun, getting ready.) And then to have the photographer get pictures of me with the seven women prior to the wedding?  

4) I've seen some posts suggest that friends have all worn the same color dress in this kind of situation or the same color shoes. Is that okay to do? (For example, it is a December wedding. If I do just my sister, we very well might do a red dress. Would it be okay to have these ladies wear black dresses and red shoes? Or red dresses? All of their choosing?)

5) Should I get them all some sort of corsage or something like that for the day?


I appreciate any opinions or suggestions you all have. My hope is that our wedding is as fun as possible. And that these women feel/understand how special and important they are to me. I don't want to give them jobs to do. I want to celebrate with them. So what do you think about any of the ideas above?

Thank you for your thoughts!!

Re: Thoughts, please: 1 Bridesmaid and Flower Girls versus 7 bridesmaids and flower girls.

  • Hello, ladies. I'm new to the boards. (I've been lurking for about a week.) I would love some thoughts from those of you who have been through the trenches on this one.

    Background: We are inviting 130 people to our wedding but due to many of the guests being spread across the country and the time of year for the ceremony (December), we expect about 60 - 70 guests. So it won't be a huge wedding by any stretch of the word. And it will be an afternoon wedding.

    Bridesmaid Dilemma: I am blessed to have 7 women I would like to have in my wedding. But with 7 of those women included in the guest list, it might be a bit much to have 14 of the 60 or 70 people (7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen) as part of the wedding party. At least that's what my mom and sister and a good friend (who would be a bridesmaid) have suggested. They've all individually said that it might look like no one is in the pews. 

    So, alternatively, I am considering having my sister and three flower girls. I am very close with my sister and none of my friends would be offended by having just my sister. Although some of my friends had hoped and/or expected that they would be a bridesmaid. I am blessed to call these women friends and do want them to be a part of this day. But I don't want to look silly. This is my first wedding. I'm 36. And I don't know that I can see things clearly as the bridesmaid decision (for me) is definitely an emotional decision. Oh, and the youngest bridesmaid is 31 and the oldest is 40. If that adds anything to the discussion. And due to the makeup of the bridal party and not wanting anyone to get hurt feelings, it would have to be all 7 women plus the flower girls or just 1 woman (my sister) plus the flower girls.

    Questions for your opinions, etc.:
    1) 7 Bridesmaids for a small wedding - is that just plain ridiculous?

    2) Does my sister as the maid of honor and three flower girls sound okay instead?

    3) Would it be okay to host a brunch the day of the ceremony for these women who would otherwise be bridesmaids? To have them get ready with me? (I have no expectation of them doing any work or any jobs. Just being there, laughing, having fun, getting ready.) And then to have the photographer get pictures of me with the seven women prior to the wedding?  

    4) I've seen some posts suggest that friends have all worn the same color dress in this kind of situation or the same color shoes. Is that okay to do? (For example, it is a December wedding. If I do just my sister, we very well might do a red dress. Would it be okay to have these ladies wear black dresses and red shoes? Or red dresses? All of their choosing?)

    5) Should I get them all some sort of corsage or something like that for the day?


    I appreciate any opinions or suggestions you all have. My hope is that our wedding is as fun as possible. And that these women feel/understand how special and important they are to me. I don't want to give them jobs to do. I want to celebrate with them. So what do you think about any of the ideas above?

    Thank you for your thoughts!!
    First, sides do not have to be even.  So just because you may have 7 BMs does not mean that your SO needs to have 7 GMs.

    The number of people you have in your bridal party shouldn't be matched up to how many people attend your wedding.

    3) Having brunch would be nice and if these women want to get ready with you the day of your wedding then they can.  But honestly, if I were attending as just a guest I would want to get ready in my own home and travel to the wedding with my SO and arrive 15-30 minutes before the ceremony starts.  If you want to get pictures with them then tell them and take a moment either before the ceremony (not too early, like 30 minutes prior) or after the ceremony during the reception to get a picture together.

    4)  No.  If you are inviting them as just guests then you can not tell them what to wear.  They can choose their own outfit for the day.  The only way you can control attire is if they are actually in the wedding party.  I would not be a happy camper if you requested I wear a red dress and then I had to go and buy a red dress when I had a perfectly appropriate blue dress in my closet to wear to your wedding.

    5)  I don't think this is necessary.


    What does your gut tell you to do?  Don't worry about numbers.  Close your eyes and envision your wedding day.  Who is standing up there with you?  If it is all of them then ask them to be in your wedding.  If it is only your sister then just ask her.  But don't make this decision based on the ration of guests vs bridal party.

    But do keep in mind that 7 BMs mean 7 bouquets, 7 gifts, 14+ guests at your RD (if they all have SOs and if some have kids that you are also inviting).  Also if you require a specific shoe or require hair and makeup you need to cover that cost as well.  So take a look at your budget and think about what you want and go from there.

  • Hello, ladies. I'm new to the boards. (I've been lurking for about a week.) I would love some thoughts from those of you who have been through the trenches on this one.

    Background: We are inviting 130 people to our wedding but due to many of the guests being spread across the country and the time of year for the ceremony (December), we expect about 60 - 70 guests. So it won't be a huge wedding by any stretch of the word. And it will be an afternoon wedding.

    Bridesmaid Dilemma: I am blessed to have 7 women I would like to have in my wedding. But with 7 of those women included in the guest list, it might be a bit much to have 14 of the 60 or 70 people (7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen) as part of the wedding party. At least that's what my mom and sister and a good friend (who would be a bridesmaid) have suggested. They've all individually said that it might look like no one is in the pews. You do not need to have even sides.

    So, alternatively, I am considering having my sister and three flower girls. I am very close with my sister and none of my friends would be offended by having just my sister. Although some of my friends had hoped and/or expected that they would be a bridesmaid. I am blessed to call these women friends and do want them to be a part of this day. But I don't want to look silly. This is my first wedding. I'm 36. And I don't know that I can see things clearly as the bridesmaid decision (for me) is definitely an emotional decision. Oh, and the youngest bridesmaid is 31 and the oldest is 40. If that adds anything to the discussion. And due to the makeup of the bridal party and not wanting anyone to get hurt feelings, it would have to be all 7 women plus the flower girls or just 1 woman (my sister) plus the flower girls.

    Questions for your opinions, etc.:
    1) 7 Bridesmaids for a small wedding - is that just plain ridiculous? Not necessarily. Personally, I think 1 is easier to manage but it's completely up to you.

    2) Does my sister as the maid of honor and three flower girls sound okay instead? Either sounds fine.

    3) Would it be okay to host a brunch the day of the ceremony for these women who would otherwise be bridesmaids? To have them get ready with me? (I have no expectation of them doing any work or any jobs. Just being there, laughing, having fun, getting ready.) And then to have the photographer get pictures of me with the seven women prior to the wedding?  It's fine to invite them to brunch and ask them if they'd like to get ready with you. But don't make it a mandate or have an expectation that they will want to do this if they are attending as a guest. 

    4) I've seen some posts suggest that friends have all worn the same color dress in this kind of situation or the same color shoes. Is that okay to do? (For example, it is a December wedding. If I do just my sister, we very well might do a red dress. Would it be okay to have these ladies wear black dresses and red shoes? Or red dresses? All of their choosing?) If they're your BMs, you pick a dress within their budget. If they are not BMs, you get zero say in their attire. It would be rude to even suggest that they wear a certain color. 

    5) Should I get them all some sort of corsage or something like that for the day? If you want to do that, fine. But honestly, it's completely unnecessary if they're attending as guests. 

    I appreciate any opinions or suggestions you all have. My hope is that our wedding is as fun as possible. And that these women feel/understand how special and important they are to me. I don't want to give them jobs to do. I want to celebrate with them. So what do you think about any of the ideas above?

    Thank you for your thoughts!!
    It kind of sounds like you're trying to make them BMs without having them stand up next to you at the ceremony. I would avoid this. Either have them be your BMs or have them as your guests. If you have them as your guests, just give them a good seat at the reception and try to spend time with them. Nothing more is needed.
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  • Thank you both for your thoughts. I appreciate you sharing your opinions to help me navigate this! 
  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you really want the whole gaggle of girls experience for your wedding, ask all of them.  It really doesn't matter how many people you have in the pews.  If you want everything to be simpler, just have your sister as your MOH.  Either way would be fine, honestly.  However, like PP said, if the 7 women aren't in your bridal party, you really can't ask anything of them when it comes to dresses, shoes or pictures before the wedding while you're getting ready.  Just ask yourself what's the most important thing for you.
  • Thanks again, ladies. 

    I believe you all are right and I need to figure out what I truly want.
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