Wedding Etiquette Forum

Just one more kid question-I actually want them :)

So we were discussing the guest list and FSS mentioned a few friends of his that he would like there. These three boys are great and spend a lot of time here so I would be happy to have them. The only concern is that while I like the mom of one of the three boys, the other two have parents and siblings that drive me crazy. One mom is an alcoholic that never shuts up and regularly flirts with FI I'm front of me. The other mom is just trashy as all hell. Both have 3 year old brothers who regularly throw tantrums.

Is there anyway to manage to invite these boys who I would love to celebrate with FSS without their parents and siblings?
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Re: Just one more kid question-I actually want them :)

  • afox007 said:
    So we were discussing the guest list and FSS mentioned a few friends of his that he would like there. These three boys are great and spend a lot of time here so I would be happy to have them. The only concern is that while I like the mom of one of the three boys, the other two have parents and siblings that drive me crazy. One mom is an alcoholic that never shuts up and regularly flirts with FI I'm front of me. The other mom is just trashy as all hell. Both have 3 year old brothers who regularly throw tantrums. Is there anyway to manage to invite these boys who I would love to celebrate with FSS without their parents and siblings?
    How old is your FSS and his friends? That might change my answer. Might.


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  • FSS and his friends range from 10-12 at the moment, but by the wedding I think we are looking at 11-13.
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  • afox007 said:
    FSS and his friends range from 10-12 at the moment, but by the wedding I think we are looking at 11-13.
    Can the boys not attend without parental supervision? By that age, my classmates and I were attending Bar and Bat Mitzvahs without parents, but I can't speak for everyone, of course. Then again, there is that weird trend now where the parents stay for everything and expect to be fed. o.0 My friend's keep throwing parties for their kids and end up having to order extra pizzas last minute because the parents end up staying with the younger siblings in tow lol.

    Anyway, if you think the boys are old enough and mature enough, I think it's fine to extend the invitation to just them.





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  • I would think it would be ok to just invite the boys without their parents. I went to my best friend's parents' wedding when I was 12 without my parents. They dropped me off, and when they picked me up, she came with us for the night.
  • I don't know what the "rule" is on this but I would find it strange that my 12 year old was invited to a wedding without any of his family.

    I know it's not ok to just verbally invite someone but I think in this case it may be alright. Maybe just mention to the parents. "Hey FSS would like to have someone to hang out with at the wedding, would it be alright if young timmy came with him?"


    Gah, I don't know about this one. I see your reasoning but weddings are such mature functions, inviting children alone just feels, I don't know, not right.

    charlottesmom0626luckysnorkelAprilH81
  • I think it's odd, but I do like Senecaf's verbal wording if you had to. I definitely wouldn't invite 8+ people just so little Timmy has a friend to hang with. 
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think it is fine depending on where it is, how late they plan to be there, how far the parents are away, and how much time the kids already spend with your family.

    When I was that age, there were people/places that my parents would have let me do this without thinking about it. But there were also people/places that they would have said "no way".
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    luckysnorkel
  • Maybe invite the mom you like as a chaperone for the boys? You probably don't want to be responsible for 3 other kids.
    Anniversary
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Honestly I think its weird. Itd be one thing if they were attending with someone. Like if they were friends with your sisters kid, so your sister was going to be keeping an eye out for them. But at your wedding, your the one who is going to be responsible for them. Bar mitzvahs without parents are different, because there is a large group of children and the event celebrates the children, so people kind of have an eye towards the children, you know? I think Senecaf's wording may be the way to go if you do invite, but I just think you don't really want to be responsible for them on your wedding day.

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Hmmmm... when I was that age, I was never allowed to go anywhere there would be alcohol if my parents weren't there. I would probably keep the same rule with my own (future, hypothetical) children, especially if there won't be any one particular person there chaperoning. I also wouldn't let them stay out that late, unless it was a sleepover. Obviously that has nothing to do with whether you invite them or not, but with whether the parents say yes. Food for thought. :-p

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  • I'm not a parent but I could see myself thinking this was a little odd. If you do this, I would use @Senecaf's wording because it makes it seem more like a play date than a formal invite to a wedding sans parents. 
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  • Hmmmm... when I was that age, I was never allowed to go anywhere there would be alcohol if my parents weren't there. I would probably keep the same rule with my own (future, hypothetical) children, especially if there won't be any one particular person there chaperoning. I also wouldn't let them stay out that late, unless it was a sleepover. Obviously that has nothing to do with whether you invite them or not, but with whether the parents say yes. Food for thought. :-p

    It would most likely be a sleepover. My mom was in on the guest list discussion and suggested she get a suite at a nearby hotel so she can have the boys stay with her and my dad. All of them have spent the night with FSS at my parents so they do know them.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Maybe don't give them a formal invitation, but have them be the guests of your step son. I don't think it's that big a deal to have your SS say, hey Timmy my parents are letting me invite a guest to their wedding, want to come? 

    Then if their parents have questions, they can always call you, just like any other outing.
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  • ashleyep said:

    Maybe invite the mom you like as a chaperone for the boys? You probably don't want to be responsible for 3 other kids.

    And that mom does? If she's working as a chaperone, shouldn't she get paid?
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Maybe don't give them a formal invitation, but have them be the guests of your step son. I don't think it's that big a deal to have your SS say, hey Timmy my parents are letting me invite a guest to their wedding, want to come? 

    Then if their parents have questions, they can always call you, just like any other outing.
    This is how I would go about it, just because it seems less weird if they are your SS's guests than if you invite them without the rest of the family.


    NikiHaley2Be
  • I like the idea of having FSS invite them as his guests.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Maybe don't give them a formal invitation, but have them be the guests of your step son. I don't think it's that big a deal to have your SS say, hey Timmy my parents are letting me invite a guest to their wedding, want to come? 

    Then if their parents have questions, they can always call you, just like any other outing.
    This is how I would go about it, just because it seems less weird if they are your SS's guests than if you invite them without the rest of the family.
    This is probably the best way to go about it.
  • Another vote for skipping the formal invites & maybe having your parents call their parents & say "we would like to invite Johnny to our daughter's wedding so Timmy has someone he knows that he can hang out with. Also if it's ok with you we'll keep Johnny overnight and just drop him off at home in the morning. "
    afox007[Deleted User]
  • Erikan73 said:
    Another vote for skipping the formal invites & maybe having your parents call their parents & say "we would like to invite Johnny to our daughter's wedding so Timmy has someone he knows that he can hang out with. Also if it's ok with you we'll keep Johnny overnight and just drop him off at home in the morning. "


    *SITB*

    This definitely!

  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Erikan73 said:

    Another vote for skipping the formal invites & maybe having your parents call their parents & say "we would like to invite Johnny to our daughter's wedding so Timmy has someone he knows that he can hang out with. Also if it's ok with you we'll keep Johnny overnight and just drop him off at home in the morning. "

    Yes, this! Knowing who would be responsible for them the whole night would be really key, I would think.

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