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Bridesmaid Refuses to Order Dress

amishchick81amishchick81 member
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in Wedding Party
I went shopping with my bridesmaids over the weekend and we found a dress that looks phenomenal on all three girls and they all really liked it.  The only problem is two of the girls fit perfectly into the sample size 8, the other would need a 10 (12 at the most) and she couldn't zip the dress up but she could get it on.  Now she is refusing to order the dress unless she can find a sample in a larger size and doesn't trust the store's measurements.  I've called over 25 stores in three states in a 200 mile radius that carry the line and not one carries anything other than the 8.  She's even insisting that I call the shop and demand that they order her a larger sample before she will order it.  I found one listed on ebay in a size 10 but it costs $65 which is half of the cost of the dress.  I know she is feeling self conscious around the other girls since they are both thinner so I don't know what to say.  She's been in lots of weddings and she knows this is how dress shops work.

I don't want any of my girls to be unhappy but this seems really ridiculous. I'm almost inclined to tell her she can pick out her own dress, but the other two want the strapless one that we picked out.  I'm really bad at confrontational situations.  Any advice on what to say/how to say it?
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Re: Bridesmaid Refuses to Order Dress

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I'd let her find the sample in a larger size that she's happy about and leave it alone.  If she doesn't by the time of your wedding, then she's decided not to be a bridesmaid.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    I think your BM is being a tad bit ridiculous.  She is demanding that you call up the shop and have them order a larger sample so that she can try it on?  Can't she just do that herself if she is so insistent on trying on a larger size before ordering?  And if you found the dress in her size on ebay then why doesn't she just buy that one?

    Also, if she doesn't trust the shops measurements then why doesn't she get measured by a local seamstress that she does trust and use those measurements when purchasing her dress?

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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Yeah, she's being a bit ridiculous.  Tell her it's on her to figure out the measurements and step away.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    What exactly are her concerns that are causing her to "need" to try on a properly-sized sample?

    If she's bigger and the dress is strapless, is she worried about excess cleavage? It not staying up?  Add spaghetti straps. (I saw this at a wedding; about half the women had it totally strapless and the bustier girls had straps added.)  Add a matching wrap perhaps for coverage.  

    Is she worried about it not being flattering on her perceived problem areas?  That's a whole other issue that may warrant a different dress completely in the same color.  Different dresses in the same color palette is very popular right now and that could be an option for your group. 
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    phiraphira member
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    She's being ridiculous. Given the number of BRIDES who order dresses after trying on a smaller sample, I would tell her that she can either order it in her correct size, or she can attend as a guest.
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    lilacck28lilacck28 member
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    phira said:
    She's being ridiculous. Given the number of BRIDES who order dresses after trying on a smaller sample, I would tell her that she can either order it in her correct size, or she can attend as a guest.



    STUCK IN BOX

    THIS! Seriously! 
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    amishchick81amishchick81 member
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    Update: we went to a different dress shop that had a similar dress in the same fabric but different designer.  It was a size 16 so I pulled it tight and it looked great on her.  It's ruched so it hides any flaws she feels like she has and the bust is straight across so there are no cleavage issues.

    I think the bottom line is she wanted to loose weight before ordering the dress and is now pitching every fit in the book (I've left A LOT of them out of this post).  I wanted to look for dresses months ago but she insisted that I put it off until this summer to give her time to loose about 20 pounds.  It's been 4 months (8 since I asked her to be a bridesmaid) and she hasn't lost any weight at all.

    Finally I just said that I don't know what to tell her, July 1st is the deadline to order the dress or we won't get them in time for the wedding.  I told her she can either order a smaller size (not recommended) or order the correct size and have it fitted.  I don't think I am being unreasonable at this point.
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    amishchick81amishchick81 member
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    Or also tell her that she can attend as a guest but I'm not a fan of that option. 
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    lilacck28lilacck28 member
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    amishchick81 said:
    Or also tell her that she can attend as a guest but I'm not a fan of that option. 



    STUCK IN BOX

    I wouldn't go there. That's friendship ending. 

    I think you've done all you can. You told her the last date to get the dress. Tell her she's beautiful, that it doesn't matter what the number of the size is, and that you love her. After that, you enjoy the months until your wedding comes and leave the dress up to her.  
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    amishchick81amishchick81 member
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    That came out badly, I don't want her to not be in my wedding at all and I would never say that to her.  That was my frustration talking. I've done nothing but tell her how great the dress makes look and I am in no way exaggerating, it really does!  I've just had enough of her blaming me and the dress and the dress shop because she hasn't lost the weight that she wanted.  I have enough to worry about right now without all of the negativity she is sending my way.

    Either way she decides to go, the deadline is July 1st.  There really isn't anything else I can do.  I guess she could get her own dress which, quite honestly, would really irritate me because the girls got to pick out the dress themselves and the only thing I asked is that they all have the same dress.
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
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    I get where she's coming from, because getting a dress that you have no real idea how it fits is pretty scary. However, it's her job now to find the sample or order the right size or whatever. 
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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    Agree with PPs. Girlfriend needs to build a bridge and get over it.
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    elfi919elfi919 member
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    I had a bridesmaid who told me that the fabric of the dress was bad for curvy girls.  I picked a J Crew fabric which has 12 styles that the girls can pick from and I figured I was being a very laid back and easy bride.  The dreses are all pretty flowy and my friend is concerned about her hips and butt.  For about a week she sent me a number of links to other dresses that were sort of a similar color, but not at all what I wanted.

    I went to a J Crew store and talked to the manager who told me their dresses are very "generous" on the bottom.  I relayed this info to her and stopped talking to her about it. A month later I asked my sister who is my maid of honor to ask her if she bought her dress yet.  She said she hasn't but her plan is to order a few in a few styles and see which one works for her.

    So what I'd say to do is 2 things: 1.) have one of the other girls talk to her about it and maybe she won't be as hasty to complain (especially to your sister) and 2.) see if the shop can exchange the dress if she orders it and finds that it's too big  (or if they can tailor and approximately how much it would cost).

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    fall2015bridefall2015bride member
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    I could understand her concern wanting to try it on first. Its tough though because the shop says her measurements will fit into the dress. Maybe try to tell her if its the wrong size once it comes in that it can be exchanged(?) for another size?
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    mellyD2014mellyD2014 member
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    I guess I'm surprised to hear she's putting up such a stink, especially if she's been in other weddings. Every single wedding I've been to or been a part of has entailed some sort of alterations from the bridal party. It's basically a given.
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    amishchick81amishchick81 member
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    Update to the whole saga: I got a call from my Matron of Honor this afternoon who thought that she was the last person to order her dress.  Today is the deadline.

    The lady at the dress shop told her no, the bridesmaid who has been throwing a fit called to order one size (two sizes at the waist) too small and the dress shop wouldn't let her do it.  So she refused to pay for it.  On top of all of it she is trying to get pregnant and I would have to say she's off her rocker if she thinks she can order a dress two sizes too small when she's not pregnant and hope that it fits when she is.

    I'm about 48 hours from asking her if she really wants to be a bridesmaid.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    If she's not going to get the dress and pay for it (the only thing she has to do besides show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits), it sounds like you already know whether or not she wants to be a bridesmaid without having to ask her.
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