Is This Creepy or What?

flapper2011 · December 2010

My FI and I live in a fourplex. Our current next door neighbor is a bit pushy and can be obnoxious. She's an older woman, up in her 50s, with 2 adolescent sons. She's been known to bang on our door wanting to borrow crazy things like ice, tortilla chips, and gasoline. I've had issues with her overstepping her boundaries and have spoken to her about invading my privacy.
This morning as I was leaving for work, she was outside on our stairs and started singing at me. I thought she was just being weird, as always, but then she announced- rather happily- that she had discovered that there were certain spots in her apartment where if she puts her ear to the wall, she can hear every little thing going on in our apartmant. She then informed me that she had been listening to me and my FI singing last night and started laughing. I was- and still am- horrified. This woman just flat out admitted that she listens in on me and my FI. How long has she been doing this and what all has she heard? This raises all kinds of issues. I was so dumbfounded by this that I couldn't even think of a response. I feel like my privacy has been violated. This woman has mental problems (she has had her sons taken away from her in the past and she talks openly about it,) and she doesn't work, so she is home pretty much 24/7. The thought of her sitting next door with her ear against the wall eavesdropping on us is one I find extremely disturbing. Does anyone else find this disturbing? How would you respond if your neighbor made a similar announcement to you? I am trying to decide on a civilized way to approach this issue and let this lady know, listening in on our private lives is NOT OK. I am pretty upset over this.

Muffin'sMom · December 2010

Short of moving, I'm not sure that there is anything you can do. She is doing this in her own place and is not threatening you in any way. Is it creepy...oh yeah!

artbyallie · December 2010

Play really obnoxious music (polka, maybe?) until she gets the hint and stops listening?

lgrn22 · December 2010

wow, that is definitely creepy. I wouldn't know what to do about that either. I agree and would play music but to drown out noise so she cant hear every word you say. Its sad she has nothing better to do than eavesdrop on you.

byoung0520 · December 2010

Very creepy, especially when someone like me watches stupid crime shows all the time...it would keep me awake at night knowing that she does that. Yuck. There isn't much you can do about it except...move somewhere where you don't have to share walls with neighbors. One of the downsides to living in apartments, duplexes, and such. If it's something you're willing to deal with, that she's just a tad weird but totally harmless...I'm all for the loud polka music ;o) Or something else that is just as obnoxious!

Good Luck!!

ECI1151 · December 2010

Does your foreplex have a management company that owns it or a landlord you could contact? I would seriously consider it if they do. FI works at an apartment complex and I know that this is something they would take very seriously.

flapper2011 · December 2010

We rent through a rental company. I have complained to them about her twice already (she keeps building a trash pile on our shared porch area, which is totally disgusting... she's so lazy she can't even be bothered to make a trip downstairs to the trash can.) This attracts rodents, bugs, etc. My FI asked me to "not cause any problems" with the neighbors and to stop calling in complaints... but this is on a whole different level. I'm seriously debating whether I want to call them up about this. My only reservation is I don't want to be the reason for her being evicted and her boys being homeless. I've already put my gut-instict aside once when she offered to pay me to clean her apartment and discovered it was a total, utter wreck- rotten food everywhere and maggots in the bedroom- I seriously considered notifying the CPS, especially knowing that she's had her sons taken away before. But, I didn't want to put her boys through the trauma of being taken away again and placed in foster homes, so I kept my mouth shut and decided to just keep an eye on the situation. My concern is mainly for her sons, as I don't want them out on the streets. But this is not OK. This woman is also constantly trying to persuade me to come over to her apartment, which I find extremely odd (she'll knock on my door to pay me for baby-sitting or whatever odd-job I may have helped her with, but tell me I have to come over to get it.) Also, for a while it seemed every time I stepped outside my front door, her front door would open- and whenever I would come home from work, she would either be out on her balcony waiting for me or she would come flying out the front door and pounce me on the stairs- for whatever stupid reason. It was like she was tracking my every move... so now knowing that she IS listening in and tracking our every move... is very, very disturbing. But, what to do? Play obnoxious music, make weird noises, randomly bam the wall to startle her on the off-chance she happens to be listening in? Or treat it more seriously, and contact the management company? I feel like I'm being harrassed, and my privacy has seriously been invaded. Also, is it just her listening in, or her sons as well?
And overall... just... what the hell??

tldh · December 2010

I would send a certified letter to the management company detailing everything that this woman is doing. The condition of her unit needs to be known because it could escalate into the building being condemned. As it is, the owners will have one hell of a cleanup bill when she does leave.

Don't do anything that may provoke her. At most, I think I'd move any TVs, speakers or radios that you have against any shared walls. This will drown out her ability to hear what's going on in your apartment. They don't have to be loud because the walls will amplify the sound (had this from some obnoxious neighbors I once had).

(For the future, please use the enter key to form paragraphs. It's much easier to read long posts if there are breaks.)

sb9411 · December 2010

I would definitely contact the management company. I understand that you are worried about the fate of her sons, but I she is being insanely inappropriate and definitely creepy. What did your FI think about her singing episode? Did he still think that you shouldn't ruffle feathers?

Victoria2013 · December 2010

Contact management. I understand your concern for her sons, but at this point you need to be concerned with yourself and your FI. Good luck with the situation!!

KermitTheKitty · December 2010

Yah, if you've seen maggots, you need to contact management immediately! This could become a serious health issue for everyone in the building.

glam70s · December 2010

Unfortunately when you live in an apartment, you don't actually have any control over your privacy. All you can do is move. There is no way that the board could enforce telling her she can't listen at the walls. They *may* be willing to put in some extra insulation in between units, which would mean construction on your apartment.

The disgusting status of her house, on the other hand, is something different. That could infect your apartment with bugs and rodents. That definitely needs to be addressed with the rental company. Please don't allow concerns for her sons to stop you from reporting it. Her sons would be better off for it in the end.

And finally, this woman seems to have an unhealthy fixation on you. Babysitting and doing odd jobs for her will encourage that behaviour by making her think that you want to have some form of a relationship with her. Cut off all that kind of contact except for perhaps a polite neighbourly nod if you pass her in the hallway.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

I understand not wanting to put the kids through being removed again, but if they are in an unhealthy living situation, it's going to have a much bigger impact on them than being in foster care. I'd contact CPS about the state of the apartment and her mental state. You can make an anonymous report.

And I agree with sending a certified letter to management. They can't do anything about her listening to the walls, but the can and should be doing something about her leaving trash out, etc.

megk8oz · December 2010

I understand that your main concern is for the kids here, but when you think about it, as bad as it would be for the boys to be taken out of the house again ... is it really that much worse than them living amongst maggots and rodents with a BSC mother?

I mean, that really isn't a healthy environment for them to be in at all.

ShortandSweet87 · December 2010

She sounds a bit off her rocker. I would definitely let management know, it's a safety and privacy issue that needs to be addressed! Who knows who else has already complained about her.

GekkoK · December 2010

That's creepy. I'd probably contact management and make an anonymous tip to CPS, and in the meantime get white noise machines (or the ones that make wave sounds or jungle sounds while you sleep) and put one, always turned on, next to every shared wall.

& a pile of trash on a shared patio is not okay. Forget not 'making waves' when it's a sanitary issue that can cause pests inside your house!

deepcovejackie · December 2010

What MNIN and Meg said. I'm seriously concerned for her kids. Call CPS.

KermitTheKitty · December 2010

Also when you make a complaint, make sure to put/get everything in writing, just in case your apartment does get invaded by disease carrying pests. That way, if complaints have been made to management and problems don't get taken care of, you will at least have a pretty good lawsuit when you are forced to flee your residence after being infested with god knows what.

As for the kids, you are doing them more of a disservice by not reporting their living conditions.

flapper2011 · December 2010

I have been keeping an eye on the condition of their apartment whenever I happen to see inside it. It hasn't deteriorated too bad since I cleaned it. Now most of her mess gets shoved outside- onto the shared porch area.
I also keep track of any time I hear her yell at her boys, for any possible signs of abuse. For the most part they seem like they are ok, though I can tell they do not like nor respect their mother. But, most kids that age don't, and frankly in their case, I don't blame them.
Thank you all for the advice. My FI's response when I told him about this was "...maybe she means she can hear us play (our guitar and violin) over here..." But her statement insinuated that she had already discovered she could hear everything that was going on over here, and that she had been listening in on us singing the night before... in fact she seemed to be mocking my singing (which she wouldn't have heard had she not had her freaking ear pressed to the wall! It's not like I sit around, belting out songs at the top of my lungs.)
FI and I are planning on moving. We've been looking into buying a house, although unfortunately our current financial situation might put a hold on that plan. We were hoping to be able to buy a house within the next year (it would be nice to have our own house once we're married,) but it might be a little longer than that.

I have noticed that crazy neighbor lady has a sister who checks up on her often. I wonder if she is a conservator, and maybe part of the terms of this women getting custody of her boys back was that she had to be monitored by someone. I honestly think the boys would be better off living with the aunt. I am hoping to have a word with her the next time I see her, both about the sanitary conditions of the apartment and the whole eavesdropping situation. If this "woman" who lives next to me is going to act like a child who can't take care of herself, then I will speak to her "guardian" about it.

Hietaro · December 2010

Ok, I work in an apartment complex as a leasing agent, and this is something you DEFINITELY need to tell management about. As someone said before, the condition of her unit could lead to the whole building being condemned, and that will really tick off the people that own the building. And her filth can cause you and your FI to become very sick, so you two need to be concerned for your health above this woman being taken away or kicked out. Besides that, even though you live in a shared unit, you are still ENTITLED to your privacy. If someone is envading it, you have the right to notify the proper authorities, whether it be the police or the people that own your building. Because it's very obvious that she's using the stuff she finds out against you, no matter if it's only in creepy ways.

As for the kids, don't worry about traumatizing them by having them taken away. These kids NEED to be taken away. While foster homes aren't that great, those kids would be much better off than in that filth. Those kids need a stable environment. I have no idea what she did to get them back once they were already taken, considering it sounds like she's definitely crazy and is disgusting.

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