Matron of honor mistake

Re: Matron of honor mistake

• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  Mollygman said:

  I got engaged in December of last year. I was working at a job where my friend worked (whom I asked to be my matron of honor) at the time. I've known her for a couple of years. A few months after being engaged I quit that job and got a different one. I came to sadly realize that her and I were way better work friends then I thought, and our out of work relationship is not close to where I thought it was. I have tried multiple times reaching out to her, but everything is SO forced. I am really regretting asking her to be my matron of honor. I'm getting married in early October. To add to this, she is going through financial issues and I feel bad that I want to do an out of state batchelorette party. She doesn't seem excited about it at all. So overall, things are very difficult. And I'm really disappointed in myself that I can't fix our friendship. I don't know what to do. Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid instead? Take her out of the bridal party all together? I just don't know. I do know that this process is Not fun at all - I feel like mainly because of my trouble with her. Help please!!

  You do nothing. The only thing she is required to do is show up sober and on time to your wedding. Everything else, including attending parties, is optional. This is true for all bridesmaids, not just the MOH, which is really just a courtesy title. If she doesn't want to be in your wedding party, she will drop out If you kick her out, you will risk ending the friendship completely. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  July 2014

  Mollygman said:

  I got engaged in December of last year. I was working at a job where my friend worked (whom I asked to be my matron of honor) at the time. I've known her for a couple of years. A few months after being engaged I quit that job and got a different one. I came to sadly realize that her and I were way better work friends then I thought, and our out of work relationship is not close to where I thought it was. I have tried multiple times reaching out to her, but everything is SO forced. I am really regretting asking her to be my matron of honor. I'm getting married in early October. To add to this, she is going through financial issues and I feel bad that I want to do an out of state batchelorette party. She doesn't seem excited about it at all. So overall, things are very difficult. And I'm really disappointed in myself that I can't fix our friendship. I don't know what to do. Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid instead? Take her out of the bridal party all together? I just don't know. I do know that this process is Not fun at all - I feel like mainly because of my trouble with her. Help please!!

  Once you ask you cannot un-ask.  You also cannot demote.  Doing either will really hurt your friends feelings.  Unless you wish to completely ruin the relationship, you need to keep things the way they are.

  
  

  Did you request an out of state bach party or did your wedding party discuss it and plan an out of state bach party?  It would have been rude of you to request such a thing.  If your friend is having financial issues then it is up to her to decline the party or state to the other hosts what she can offer towards it.  Honestly, not many people are excited about out of state bach parties because they know that it will cost them a good chunk of change.

  
  

  Make sure that you ask each person in your bridal party their budget before you pick out a dress.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  July 2014

  Mollygman said:

  I got engaged in December of last year. I was working at a job where my friend worked (whom I asked to be my matron of honor) at the time. I've known her for a couple of years. A few months after being engaged I quit that job and got a different one. I came to sadly realize that her and I were way better work friends then I thought, and our out of work relationship is not close to where I thought it was. I have tried multiple times reaching out to her, but everything is SO forced. I am really regretting asking her to be my matron of honor. I'm getting married in early October. To add to this, she is going through financial issues and I feel bad that I want to do an out of state batchelorette party. She doesn't seem excited about it at all. So overall, things are very difficult. And I'm really disappointed in myself that I can't fix our friendship. I don't know what to do. Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid instead? Take her out of the bridal party all together? I just don't know. I do know that this process is Not fun at all - I feel like mainly because of my trouble with her. Help please!!

  You made a choice and you must now live with it.  To adjust her "status" or kick her out would be a friendship ending move.  If you don't care about the friendship, then ease her misery and yours and tell her you rescind the offer.
  
  However, the MOH or any BM, for that matter, is NOT obligated to host any parties.  The bride to be should not dictate the type of party offered, either.  You may want an out of state bachelorette party, but you cannot make any demands for one.  If would be the choice of the hostess to determine the  type of party.  Her decision would be based on what she, and the other invited guests, could comfortably afford to host.
  
  No one will be as excited as you are about your wedding.  It is not a requirement for a BM.
  

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