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Wedding Woes

My wedding dilemma

My SO and I have been together for 7 years and have planned on getting married for the last few years (we wanted to buy a house first, which we did). I have always pictured myself having a traditional wedding in a church with the big reception afterword, but also can't see myself spending the kind of money it would cost to have that kind of affair. He knows about what I've wanted and wants me to just deal with it and spend the money. He thinks a few extra house payments aren't worth me not having a big wedding.

Here's my dilemma.

While I always imagined having a big wedding, when I picture marrying my SO it's always somewhere just the 2 of us, like eloping but were still in formal wear.

Another reason I think I'm hesitant about a big wedding is that I don't have any close enough friends to be bridesmaids. (Think 'I love you man' but the reverse) I have actually suggested not having bridesmaids or groomsmen but my SO has at least 4-5 people he wants as groomsmen, and has said that it is something that makes a wedding a wedding for him.

We've also discussed eloping and having a reception later but he doesn't like the idea because he knows we'd come back and I'd find other things to put that money towards instead of a reception, like car payments or other bills.

He keeps telling me if we don't have it like I pictured I'll regret it later, and I feel like I should be psyched he wants me to have the wedding I've always talked about, but I can't help but feel like even a $3000-$4000 wedding is just too much to spend on 1 day.

Any advise or suggestions would be helpful.

Re: My wedding dilemma

  • Have you thought of having your big wedding in the middle of the afternoon?  You would only need to serve cake & punch, since it's a non-meal time.  So ceremony at 2 PM, then reception would be 2:30 to 5/6 or so (in the church hall).  You could also serve some veggie trays, etc.  This would allow you to invite as many people as you want, but be an inexpensive party.

    Overall, you first need to have a discussion with your FI about the type of wedding you both want.  Somewhere in between will be the wedding you will both be comfortable with.  That's the wedding you plan.

  • It's ok if your wedding vision has changed! I always wanted to elope, but it was very important to FI that we have an "actual" wedding with guests and a reception. I was annoyed at first, but now I'm excited for our upcoming, 90 guest event. I also DREAMED of a flowy, organza gown...on a beach, of course. Well, now I fell in love with a lace gown, and my beach has been traded for a country club. We are only having a MOH and BM as attendants. And, all of that is ok! We compromised, and I got a beach honeymoon instead of beach wedding.
    Point being, in this process, I have changed my "vision" from what I always wanted to what works best for FI and me. Speak up about what you want, compromise, and decide on a "vision" that suits you both :)
  • Thanks ladies, I was beginning to think I was crazy for not wanting the wedding I always said I wanted.
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