How to deal with bridesmaids who are more stressful than they should be...

bellerose963 · July 2014

So I have asked my best friend of 10 years (middle/high school bff) to be one of my two my bridesmaids. She has done nothing but complain or make excuses about me asking her about things wedding related. My wedding will be held on a cruise ship in Galveston, TX, which i will say is not idea unless you have almost no guest attending (more than 8 people and it gets to be stressful beyond what it should be). Almost all our guest are from Dallas, while we live in Galveston. I have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own shoes, hotels, and transport. I have already paid for skirts for them and i have asked them to buy nice shirts to wear with their skirts, i asked them to buy whatever shirt they want because i do want them to feel unique still. She has bought a crop top shirt and i told her "it's my wedding and just because its causal does not mean we don't have a dress code on broad", she has asked to bring a plus one even though i have told her we can't paid for extra people because it cuts into our 48 max guest list and it cost 40$ per those 48 guest. I gave her a plus one and her boyfriend and her broke up after i sent invites, but now she is dating another guy. She has told me she can't pay for a hotel because she is broke, but she is going to at least four 70 dollars a ticket music (rave) festival this summer up to a week before the wedding. Bottom line i have no idea how to deal with her without going total b*&ch mode on her. Also she was never acted like this when we lived close to each other but since i have moved (which was 2 years ago) she has changed to this person i don't even know. I don't want to be mean and i don't really want to lose her as my friend but I'm already stressed out to the point of being diagnosed with hypothyroidism due to over-stress earlier this year. I am at a point I would be happier with her not even being a maid in my wedding, but i don't want to offend her. What do I do?

AddieCake · July 2014

bellerose963 said:

So I have asked my best friend of 10 years (middle/high school bff) to be one of my two my bridesmaids. She has done nothing but complain or make excuses about me asking her about things wedding related. My wedding will be held on a cruise ship in Galveston, TX, which i will say is not idea unless you have almost no guest attending (more than 8 people and it gets to be stressful beyond what it should be). Almost all our guest are from Dallas, while we live in Galveston. I have asked my bridesmaids to pay for their own shoes, hotels, and transport. I have already paid for skirts for them and i have asked them to buy nice shirts to wear with their skirts, i asked them to buy whatever shirt they want because i do want them to feel unique still. She has bought a crop top shirt and i told her "it's my wedding and just because its causal does not mean we don't have a dress code on broad", she has asked to bring a plus one even though i have told her we can't paid for extra people because it cuts into our 48 max guest list and it cost 40$ per those 48 guest. I gave her a plus one and her boyfriend and her broke up after i sent invites, but now she is dating another guy. She has told me she can't pay for a hotel because she is broke, but she is going to at least four 70 dollars a ticket music (rave) festival this summer up to a week before the wedding. Bottom line i have no idea how to deal with her without going total b*&ch mode on her. Also she was never acted like this when we lived close to each other but since i have moved (which was 2 years ago) she has changed to this person i don't even know. I don't want to be mean and i don't really want to lose her as my friend but I'm already stressed out to the point of being diagnosed with hypothyroidism due to over-stress earlier this year. I am at a point I would be happier with her not even being a maid in my wedding, but i don't want to offend her. What do I do?

If she has a new boyfriend, she should be allowed to bring him. I agree a crop top is not appropriate. It's not your place to judge how she spends her money. Tell her the top is not appropriate per the ship's dress code and that she needs to get something else, but other than that, there is nothing you should do. Does she need a hotel? It is her responsibility to take care of her lodging, and if she cannot, then she will likely remove herself from the wedding.

Nymeru · July 2014

If she broke up with her boyfriend AFTER you sent out the invites, that means you already budgeted for her bringing a guest. There's no reason that you shouldn't be able to accommodate the new boyfriend in this case. He's the +1 you planned for to start with. Be blunt about the dress code, and politely let her know that she's responsible for her own costs, and you'll be sorry to not have her at your wedding if she can't afford to come. If she's truly broke, you're off the hook having her as your bridesmaid.

ginger2431 · July 2014

I might be wrong, but from what I've read on these boards, an invitation isn't transferable. I thought that if a person was invited by name (in this case, the girl's boyfriend) that he is the guest she should bring, not whomever else she starts dating at a later time. I guess my question is, was she given a +1 originally, or was she invited with her specific boyfriend? If it's the former, then I think you have to let her bring the new guy, but if it's the latter, doesn't etiquette dictate that guests can't swap out their dates?

lc07 · July 2014

ginger2431 said:

I might be wrong, but from what I've read on these boards, an invitation isn't transferable. I thought that if a person was invited by name (in this case, the girl's boyfriend) that he is the guest she should bring, not whomever else she starts dating at a later time. I guess my question is, was she given a +1 originally, or was she invited with her specific boyfriend? If it's the former, then I think you have to let her bring the new guy, but if it's the latter, doesn't etiquette dictate that guests can't swap out their dates?

Invites are not transferrable. If OP sent out her invite to BM and BMs boyfriend those are the people invited. However, if BM broke up with her boyfriend after the invites went out, and started dating someone new, though, why on earth would OP decline to allow her to bring this person? Like PP stated, the other person had already been accounted for space wise and budget wise. Etiquette says that after invites go out if you are able to accommodate someone's significant other that they entered into a relationship with after invites go out, that you should.

jneen101 · July 2014

bellerose963 said:

, she has asked to bring a plus one even though i have told her we can't paid for extra people because it cuts into our 48 max guest list and it cost 40$ per those 48 guest. I gave her a plus one and her boyfriend and her broke up after i sent invites, but now she is dating another guy.

She has told me she can't pay for a hotel because she is broke, but she is going to at least four 70 dollars a ticket music (rave) festival this summer up to a week before the wedding.

If you had already planned for her to bring her boyfriend, why can't you pay for her new boyfriend now?

Not sure how the rave is relevant here either.

AddieCake · July 2014

ginger2431 said:

I might be wrong, but from what I've read on these boards, an invitation isn't transferable. I thought that if a person was invited by name (in this case, the girl's boyfriend) that he is the guest she should bring, not whomever else she starts dating at a later time. I guess my question is, was she given a +1 originally, or was she invited with her specific boyfriend? If it's the former, then I think you have to let her bring the new guy, but if it's the latter, doesn't etiquette dictate that guests can't swap out their dates?

If she has a new boyfriend, she gets to bring the new boyfriend, regardless of what the envelope said.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

ginger2431 said:

I might be wrong, but from what I've read on these boards, an invitation isn't transferable. I thought that if a person was invited by name (in this case, the girl's boyfriend) that he is the guest she should bring, not whomever else she starts dating at a later time. I guess my question is, was she given a +1 originally, or was she invited with her specific boyfriend? If it's the former, then I think you have to let her bring the new guy, but if it's the latter, doesn't etiquette dictate that guests can't swap out their dates?

The reference to "non-transferable" means she can't bring her friend if the boyfriend can't make it. It doesn't mean new boyfriend can't replace the old one.

mysticl · July 2014

scribe95 said:

So you told her to get whatever shirt she wanted and now you don't like the shirt. Since when do cruise ships have dress codes?

Also, you should be paying for her shoes if you want specific shoes.

If she can't afford the hotel then I guess she won't come, which solves your problem. But leave that up to her. Her finances are her business.

This depends on the type of cruise. There are some "cruise ships" that do dinner cruises and can be rented out for events. You only go out for a few hours, it's not a vacation cruise. Those may have dress codes like any other venue.

How to deal with bridesmaids who are more stressful than they should be...

Re: How to deal with bridesmaids who are more stressful than they should be...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards