Wedding Etiquette Forum

Family Drama- Can someone be excluded from walking in processional as family?

My fiancé hasn’t had contact with his biological father for years. He considers his ex-step father his “Dad”. A few months back, a lot of family drama came out of the woodwork. My fiancé and I haven’t had contact with him since. My fiancé says he isn’t sure if he wants to invite him to the wedding. That’s fine-it’s 100% his choice. The problem is, if he does end up inviting him, how do we handle the wedding party situation? My fiancé says if he decides he wants to invite his ex-step father, he doesn’t want him or his wife to walk in the processional as family, that they’ll just attend as guests. I am worried about his ex-step father causing some sort of uproar about it? He’s the kind of guy with a big mouth, so I feel like he’d have no problem embarrassing us on the day of the wedding. Am I silly to worry about this? Should I just roll with the punches, or just have a discussion prior to the wedding so everyone knows what to expect?

Re: Family Drama- Can someone be excluded from walking in processional as family?

  • Have whoever you want to process, process. Or no one at all.
  • GApeaches said:

    My fiancé hasn’t had contact with his biological father for years. He considers his ex-step father his “Dad”. A few months back, a lot of family drama came out of the woodwork. My fiancé and I haven’t had contact with him since. My fiancé says he isn’t sure if he wants to invite him to the wedding. That’s fine-it’s 100% his choice. The problem is, if he does end up inviting him, how do we handle the wedding party situation? My fiancé says if he decides he wants to invite his ex-step father, he doesn’t want him or his wife to walk in the processional as family, that they’ll just attend as guests. I am worried about his ex-step father causing some sort of uproar about it? He’s the kind of guy with a big mouth, so I feel like he’d have no problem embarrassing us on the day of the wedding. Am I silly to worry about this? Should I just roll with the punches, or just have a discussion prior to the wedding so everyone knows what to expect?



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  • Are you Jewish?  If you are not, the family normally is not a part of the processional or the wedding party.
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  • @CMGragain - I am wondering if she is talking about when the parents are seated directly ahead of the bridal party's entrance.  In all the weddings I have ever attended, I have never not seen the parents seated last as a signal the wedding is about to start.
  • There are other brides here who have invited a parent to the wedding, but they attended only as guests.  So they were not seated prior to the WP processional.  There is no need to invite step-dad to the rehearsal, which should help him realize that he won't be seated prior to the WP processional.

    I think that if you feel step-dad will cause a fuss because he is not seated prior to the recessional, then your FI should be prepared to have him asked to leave.  Do you have a wedding planner or anyone at your venue to assist with this?  FYI: If you are having your ceremony in a church, you won't be able to ask step-dad to leave.  Churches are open to all people. 
  • kmmssg said:

    @CMGragain - I am wondering if she is talking about when the parents are seated directly ahead of the bridal party's entrance.  In all the weddings I have ever attended, I have never not seen the parents seated last as a signal the wedding is about to start.

    I've seen this plenty of times. (Seen this not happen? Double negatives, argh. I've been to plenty of weddings where parents just sat as guests and were not formally "seated.")

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  • A friend of mine treated her father and step-mother as guests. There was no drama involved.  I'm pretty sure he knew he was lucky just to be there.  
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  • I've always seen parents, grandparents or siblings (in the case they aren't part of the wedding parties) walking down the isles and being seated as a way to honor and acknowledge them. I think it is a very nice thing to do, but is certainly optional.  I also think that, like the wedding parties it should be up to the Bride and Groom to request whomever they feel closest to.  My brother in law is very close to his mom and not close with his dad, invited him but wasn't sure if he would show at all.  He did and they got a few formal photos with him before the ceremony, but when the time came, his dad sat in the audiance while he walked his mom down the isle to her seat.
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