Bridesmaid Debating Backing Out-3 Weeks Before the Wedding

Re: Bridesmaid Debating Backing Out-3 Weeks Before the Wedding

• AlexisA01 member

  

  July 2014

  kmtrout said:

  Hi Ladies,

   I received a call last night from one of my bridesmaid-she said that her uncle was sick and just wanted to give me a heads up that she may not be able to make it to the wedding-which is in 3 weeks. My fiance and I had decided to keep our bridal party small so that we could help pay for just about everything since we are having our wedding in a different state. I have paid for all of my bridemaids' dresses-which have now been custom fitted. The bridesmaid who is being iffy just got engaged and I am wondering if she is lying about her uncle's medical problems and is instead wanting to do something different with her fiance or just save money. The wedding programs were at the printer this weekend and I was able to hold off on the printing. But now I don't really know what to do.

  I asked her to please keep in touch with any plans or choices she makes (she has not responded), but other than that I feel like I am sitting on my hands. It would suck to only have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, but I guess it would have to do. Can I charge her for the dress (which she has in her possession) if she doesn't come? And I don't know what to do about the programs- we have about 200 guests coming and so I don't want to be folding programs last minute.

  I am trying not to stress because I am excited to marry the guy of my dreams-but it is eating at me to think she would lie and I don't know how to handle the situation. 

  Thank you for any tips, advice, or suggestions!

  What gives you the thought that she may be lying about her uncle being sick?

  Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  July 2014

  Has she offered to help you fold programs? If not, I world not expect her to do it with you. Also, are you concerned about 2 bms and 3 gm because of uneven sides? That really shouldn't be a concern, as sides don't need to be even, ESPECIALLY if the reason is because of a bridesmaid with an ill (or deceased) family member.
  
  Just take a breath.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• mysticl member

  

  July 2014

  sarahbear31 said:

  Has she offered to help you fold programs? If not, I world not expect her to do it with you. Also, are you concerned about 2 bms and 3 gm because of uneven sides? That really shouldn't be a concern, as sides don't need to be even, ESPECIALLY if the reason is because of a bridesmaid with an ill (or deceased) family member. Just take a breath.

  I think her issues with the programs is that if the bridesmaid is not going to be in the wedding she is going to remove her from the programs (in the op she mentions delaying the printing) and she would rather do that sooner than later so she gets the programs back with enough time to not be folding them the night before.  

  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  July 2014

  mysticl said:

  
  

  sarahbear31 said:

  
  

  Has she offered to help you fold programs? If not, I world not expect her to do it with you. Also, are you concerned about 2 bms and 3 gm because of uneven sides? That really shouldn't be a concern, as sides don't need to be even, ESPECIALLY if the reason is because of a bridesmaid with an ill (or deceased) family member.
  
  Just take a breath.

  
  

  I think her issues with the programs is that if the bridesmaid is not going to be in the wedding she is going to remove her from the programs (in the op she mentions delaying the printing) and she would rather do that sooner than later so she gets the programs back with enough time to not be folding them the night before.  
  
  Ooh, good point.
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• mysticl member

  

  July 2014

  kmtrout said:

  Hi Ladies,

   I received a call last night from one of my bridesmaid-she said that her uncle was sick and just wanted to give me a heads up that she may not be able to make it to the wedding-which is in 3 weeks. My fiance and I had decided to keep our bridal party small so that we could help pay for just about everything since we are having our wedding in a different state. I have paid for all of my bridemaids' dresses-which have now been custom fitted. The bridesmaid who is being iffy just got engaged and I am wondering if she is lying about her uncle's medical problems and is instead wanting to do something different with her fiance or just save money. The wedding programs were at the printer this weekend and I was able to hold off on the printing. But now I don't really know what to do.

  I asked her to please keep in touch with any plans or choices she makes (she has not responded), but other than that I feel like I am sitting on my hands. It would suck to only have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, but I guess it would have to do. Can I charge her for the dress (which she has in her possession) if she doesn't come? And I don't know what to do about the programs- we have about 200 guests coming and so I don't want to be folding programs last minute.

  I am trying not to stress because I am excited to marry the guy of my dreams-but it is eating at me to think she would lie and I don't know how to handle the situation. 

  Thank you for any tips, advice, or suggestions!

  Why would you think she is lying? Does she have a history of this? If not assume the uncle is sick.  'm not sure why you are worried about the programs. Get them printed. Leave her name in. If she can't make it and people ask about it just explain she had a family emergency and could not attend.  You said she called you last night. Why are you expecting her to have all the answers today? It could be days, even weeks before she knows if she can make it.  This sounds like they may be waiting to see if there is going to be a funeral.  I guess you could charge her for the dress but I think it would be pretty crappy to charge someone for a dress when they missed your wedding to be at someones sickbed or funeral.  

  

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• MobKaz member

  

  July 2014

  kmtrout said:

  Hi Ladies,

   I received a call last night from one of my bridesmaid-she said that her uncle was sick and just wanted to give me a heads up that she may not be able to make it to the wedding-which is in 3 weeks. My fiance and I had decided to keep our bridal party small so that we could help pay for just about everything since we are having our wedding in a different state. I have paid for all of my bridemaids' dresses-which have now been custom fitted. The bridesmaid who is being iffy just got engaged and I am wondering if she is lying about her uncle's medical problems and is instead wanting to do something different with her fiance or just save money. The wedding programs were at the printer this weekend and I was able to hold off on the printing. But now I don't really know what to do.

  I asked her to please keep in touch with any plans or choices she makes (she has not responded), but other than that I feel like I am sitting on my hands. It would suck to only have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, but I guess it would have to do. Can I charge her for the dress (which she has in her possession) if she doesn't come? And I don't know what to do about the programs- we have about 200 guests coming and so I don't want to be folding programs last minute.

  I am trying not to stress because I am excited to marry the guy of my dreams-but it is eating at me to think she would lie and I don't know how to handle the situation. 

  Thank you for any tips, advice, or suggestions!
  
  
  
  
  SIB:
  Did you offer to pay for the dresses as a gift?  If so, then you may have to bite the bullet.  If it were any other item, would you think to take it back?
  
  If for some reason, you find out after the fact that she did lie and not attend, I would see that as friendship ending.  Then you might as well ask for your money back, as you would have nothing to lose.  But consider that a "friend" that would lie about something like this, probably would have no qualms about stiffing you for the dress, either.
  

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• Nymeru member

  

  July 2014

  Honestly, I would go ahead a print everything.  If your BM makes it, she makes it.  If she can't, oh well.  It's not the end of the world to have someone listed who isn't there.  Plus, it's a nice gesture to acknowledge that she would be there if she could.  If you honestly think she's lying, talk to her NOW.  This is a suspicion that is going to eat at you otherwise.  I wouldn't make her pay for the dress either.  She went into this with you paying for it, and to change that now would be kind of lame.
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  You don't have to sit on your hands. Print the programs. If she isn't in the wedding, this is no big deal to have her listed, and it isn't going to suck to have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen like you say it will. As for the dress, she should reimburse you, but if her uncle really is sick, I would not push the issue.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• QueerFemme member

  

  July 2014

  I can't believe you asked someone to be in your wedding that you clearly don't trust to be honest with you about a family illness.

  

  Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

  http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
  

  http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
  

  http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  July 2014

  I'm stuck on the part where you think she is lying about her sick uncle. I think we need some more info on this, OP.
  

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  You should assume that she's telling the truth about her uncle being sick. Call her to ask how he's doing. Ask her if there's anything you can do. That's what friends are for. 

  
  

  Tread carefully with the dress. You're not out any more money if she can't come to the wedding, so I'm not sure why you're considering charging her for the dress. You might ask her to return the dress to you, so you can sell it to recoup some of the money.

  
  

  You don't have to wait to print your programs. Your friend can be considered a bm even if she doesn't show up for the ceremony. Lot's of couples have uneven sides. Line them up single file, gm, bm, gm, bm, gm. 

  
  

  I hope your friend is able to make it to your wedding, but if she isn't, don't make her feel bad about wanting to be with her family during a crisis.

                     

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• lc07 member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  This is nutso to me.

  
  

  Why on earth would you think your friend is lying to you about this? If you suspect that of her why is she a close enough friend to be in your wedding party? Leave her in the programs. It makes no difference that you will have uneven numbers on the different sides of your wedding party.

  
  

  You're not out any money since you were planning to buy the dress anyway. Who cares that she isn't going to wear it. It's an expense you've already accounted for.

  
  

  I'd also send her her bouquet in the mail if she cannot make it to tell her you are thinking of her during this difficult time.

  
  

  ETA: OP can you explain more? This isn't making sense to me. You also said it would suck to have 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen.  I'm hoping that just came off poorly and that you meant that it would suck to not have one of your best friends there. Friends are more important than matching numbers but you make it sound like matching numbers is the problem. Also, I would be heartbroken to find out one of my closest friends thinks the worst of me. Why are you thinking so poorly of her?

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• LondonLisa member

  

  July 2014

  You two certainly cannot be that good of friends if she would lie about a sick uncle and/or you accuse her of lying to spend time with her fiance. This sounds like such school frienemy nonsense!

  
  

  Ditto PP, why do you think she is lying?

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