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bumblebee615 · July 2014

mysticl · July 2014

bumblebee615 said:

Right after I got engaged, I told one of my friends that she would be in my wedding party through conversation..Now, she is still my friend but we are not as close as we used to be and I would like to ask her to step down. Is there a right way to do this? No, because it's rude.or since I had told her informally, She is a bridesmaid, it doesn't matter how "formal" the conversation was she is your bridesmaid is there a need to ask or would it be best to just not include her in the planning? All my other bridesmaids have shown how excited they are to help in the wedding planning and this friend has not contacted me about any of it. Because she isn't supposed to help plan your wedding. You and the person you are marrying plan the wedding. If you need additional help hire someone. My wedding is next June You are 11 months out, of course she isn't thinking that anything needs done for your wedding yet, and again she doesn't have to do any planning. She's probably only expecting to be involved in picking out her dress and you would contact her about setting up a time for that ...Any advice is appreciated!

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

bumblebee615 said:

Right after I got engaged, I told one of my friends that she would be in my wedding party through conversation..Now, she is still my friend but we are not as close as we used to be and I would like to ask her to step down. We have grown apart over time and are living our own lives. Is there a right way to do this?? All my other bridesmaids have shown how excited they are to participate in bridesmaid "duties" and simply be in the wedding. This friend has not contacted me about any of it..Any advice is appreciated!

I agree with @mysticl‌ ... Your BM has no "duties" and you should not expect her to do anything besides purchase the dress, wear it to your wedding, and smile for pictures. You'll essentially be ending your friendship with her by asking her to "step down".

JCbride2015 · July 2014

There are no bridesmaid duties except showing up on time in the appropriate dress (selected with her budget in mind).

If you ask her to step down, not only is there no polite way to do it, but it will completely end the friendship. I guess if you never want to speak to her again, you could ask her to step down, but it would be a pretty mean thing to do.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Set her car on fire. That should do it. But seriously, don't un-ask a girl because she's not pooping her pants in delight over your wedding. And if you're going to turn it into a job, you better sign some paychecks.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Why don't you contact her and just simply be her friend and ask her how she is doing? Presumably you were close once, so why don't you work on the relationship, without all the wedding talk?

mysticl · July 2014

1.5 hours to delete, not bad

NYCMercedes · July 2014

Damn, and she did it while I was posting. Hope she sneaks back to see all the good advice she asked for.

chibiyui · July 2014

beachyone15 · July 2014

You guys! How come so many people think that it's their BM's "duty" to help plan a wedding that's not theirs?! I can't imagine planning our wedding without my FI. I just don't understand this...

Maggie0829 · July 2014

beachyone15 said:

You guys! How come so many people think that it's their BM's "duty" to help plan a wedding that's not theirs?! I can't imagine planning our wedding without my FI. I just don't understand this...

Because they have been watching too many David Tutera shows and SYTTD Bridesmaid shows and too many wedding movies.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

After lurking for over a year on these boards, I can't help but wonder if there should be a sticky about "the roles and duties" of being a BM and that being that they show up sober and smile for the pictures.

AddieCake · July 2014

crabbylucy said:

After lurking for over a year on these boards, I can't help but wonder if there should be a sticky about "the roles and duties" of being a BM and that being that they show up sober and smile for the pictures.

Nobody would read it. Plus, TK puts out articles saying otherwise, so they probably wouldn't permit a sticky contradicting them.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

[Deleted User] · July 2014

AddieCake said:

crabbylucy said:

After lurking for over a year on these boards, I can't help but wonder if there should be a sticky about "the roles and duties" of being a BM and that being that they show up sober and smile for the pictures.

Nobody would read it. Plus, TK puts out articles saying otherwise, so they probably wouldn't permit a sticky contradicting them.

That's a good point. I hadn't thought about that.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx

I just read this and was all

[Deleted User] · July 2014

sarahbear31 said:

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx

I just read this and was all

I'll admit, that's the first time I've read that list of duties from TK and I'm floored. I've been in three total weddings where two of the brides didn't ask a thing of their bridesmaids but pick up dresses and show up sober to the wedding, and those were the best weddings.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

scribe95 said:

I think everyone agrees that it is nice when your bridesmaids want to be involved, even if it's just a sounding board. But when brides expect them to do all this stuff and then get mad it drives me crazy. It is your wedding! Not theirs!

Agreed. The last wedding I was in, the bride called a table meeting with her bridesmaids when the MOH told her that we didn't want to throw this extravagant destination bachelorette party because of our budget concerns and that night was so sad that it was comical. She was very demanding of everyone's time and money. And you know what? None of us had a lot of fun or wanted to be excited for her after all that.

mysticl · July 2014

scribe95 said:

I think everyone agrees that it is nice when your bridesmaids want to be involved, even if it's just a sounding board. But when brides expect them to do all this stuff and then get mad it drives me crazy. It is your wedding! Not theirs!

Exactly. My MOH did stuff for mine and I did stuff for hers. But that's who we are. And it wasn't like "I need you to do A, B, & C". It was "Ok, what needs done?"

banana468 · July 2014

AddieCake said:

crabbylucy said:

After lurking for over a year on these boards, I can't help but wonder if there should be a sticky about "the roles and duties" of being a BM and that being that they show up sober and smile for the pictures.

Nobody would read it. Plus, TK puts out articles saying otherwise, so they probably wouldn't permit a sticky contradicting them.

There WAS a sticky that was posted at the top of this forum page for a few years. Then the board got spammed over a weekend and in the process of deleting 3+ pages of spam threads for pharmaceuticals, the stickies were deleted as well.

I asked @KnotPorscha‌ at least two times if they would be reposted and this far I haven't received an answer.

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