Guest E question

Simply Fated · July 2014

My friend is getting married soon and her cousin (one of my very close friends) is throwing her the shower. In all my excitement I went ahead and found her registry info online. I picked out what I wanted to get her and waited patiently for my invitation.

Well, the invitation came in the mail yesterday and with it, registry information in the form of a card insert. It was not the same place I had found online. The thing is, both registries are on the smaller side, something that I noticed right away because her shower is supposed to be on the larger side. Also, none of the items on both registries overlap.

I'm guessing that she registered at both places and some guests are being directed to one registry while other guests are being directed to the other. Or perhaps the second registry card didn't make it into my envelope by accident? Either way, nothing on the registry I was given really interests me. It's mostly a budget thing, partly an item thing. The other registry, how ever, has a few things on there I was really looking forward to choosing from. They fit my budget much better, too.

Is it okay for me to mention any of this to the cousin when I RSVP, though? Just a, "Hey, I noticed she was also registered at X. Is that a registry I can use or should I stick with the one you directed me to?" Or should I just forget I ever found that second registry online?

Edited for paragraphs, hopefully it worked.

gothic_fairy60 · July 2014

I don't know what E would say, but I would stick with the gift from the registry you found. While it is possible that the other card is missing from your invite, it is also possible that it just wasn't given to you. If the second is the case then it would give me more reason to gift the original gift. I hate being told what to buy or where to shop and I feel like it would be similar to that. "This is the registry you should shop off"? No way.

rsbloom · July 2014

I think E says you aren't supposed to put in registry cards in any invitation, even in shower invites. So, you chose to get them a gift and chose to see if they were registered somewhere, when you were under no obligation to get anything. They can't tell you that you chose the wrong registry. edited for spelling

LondonLisa · July 2014

There is no etiquette on this as it is incredibly rude to include any sort of mention of gifts in a wedding invitation, especially with registry inserts. Buy any gift you would like to buy them (it needn't even be on one of her registries). Gifts are never required and should therefore never be expected.

HauteRoxy · July 2014

I'm so far past this in my own wedding planning (I never even had a shower) so forgive me, but don't couples and/or hosts usually include the wedding website on any wedding related activity invites? That's where the registry info is . . it's normally the first place I look when I am invited to a wedding/shower/etc.

MobKaz · July 2014

rsbloom said:

I think E says you aren't supposed to put in registry cards in any invitation, even in shower invites. So, you chose to get them a gift and chose to see if they were registered somewhere, when you were under no obligation to get anything. They can't tell you that you chose the wrong registry. edited for spelling

Because showers ARE gift giving events, it is appropriate to include registry information. It is NOT appropriate to include registry information in wedding invitations.

MobKaz · July 2014

LondonLisa said:

There is no etiquette on this as it is incredibly rude to include any sort of mention of gifts in a wedding invitation, especially with registry inserts. Buy any gift you would like to buy them (it needn't even be on one of her registries). Gifts are never required and should therefore never be expected.

OP says the invitation is for a shower.

schellzinator · July 2014

I'd stick with the gift you already purchased. I don't think that registries always have to be adhered to. I know some of the best gifts I received were off registry purchases. And in your case - it is on one of her registries.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

I would just stick with what you bought, assuming you think it's something the bride would want.

OliveOilsMom · July 2014

Maybe she is having two showers? And one registry was for one shower and the other registry was for her other shower. I would just get the gift you want to give her from the other registry. She obviously wants that gift. It fits into your budget too. And registries are just guidelines on what a B&G want, so if you feel comfortable you could even purchase off registry. There really is no wrong answer as to what to buy her, just include a gift receipt.

LondonLisa · July 2014

MobKaz said:

LondonLisa said:

There is no etiquette on this as it is incredibly rude to include any sort of mention of gifts in a wedding invitation, especially with registry inserts. Buy any gift you would like to buy them (it needn't even be on one of her registries). Gifts are never required and should therefore never be expected.

OP says the invitation is for a shower.

My mistake- I thought it was for the wedding.

Go ahead and buy whatever you would like to buy her regardless of what registry it is on.

emmyg65 · July 2014

A registry is not a mandate. You're always free to go off it.

MandyMost · July 2014

I'd go with your original plan, and if somehow someone realizes you bought something off of a registry that wasn't the registry card you got (seriously--how would ANYONE realize this?) then you should just play dumb and say you never even looked at the card(s) in the invite, you just went online and searched the name.

It's also completely possible that only one of the stores gave those little cards, so that's why they're in there and not the other one--essentially, there could be no thought behind this.

EllieAugust · July 2014

Just a thought, she may have originally registered somewhere and changed her mind. Some places make it difficult to delete your registry. She may have thought she closed it, but it was still active. Just a thought.

Either way, she will most likely graciously accept whatever you give her. That's what gift receipts are for! I always tape them to the bottom of gifts I give.

luckysnorkel · July 2014

Are you 100% sure the registry you found is for her and not for another bride with the same name? I bring that up just because I remember a post from a while back where OP was concerned guests would google her name and accidentally buy off of the stranger's registry by mistake.

Assuming it's actually her registry, I see no problem with buying her the gift you were planning on.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

luckysnorkel said:

Are you 100% sure the registry you found is for her and not for another bride with the same name? I bring that up just because I remember a post from a while back where OP was concerned guests would google her name and accidentally buy off of the stranger's registry by mistake.

Assuming it's actually her registry, I see no problem with buying her the gift you were planning on.

All of this. As long as you're absolutely sure it's her registry and not another person with the same name, shop wherever you want. On registry, off registry, metal rooster, box of quarters, whatever. I wouldn't even bring up the card question with anyone.

csuave · July 2014

If you have verified the other registry is for the intended bride then go with the original gift. I recommend including a gift receipt any time a gift is given. Since there is a little uncertainty here with the registry the bride may need to use the gift receipt.

If it makes you feel better, you may want to watch the other registry. If it disappears before the shower then maybe it wasn't something the bride intended to be a finalized version of her registry.

KickAssMOH · July 2014

I've known a few people who set up registries at certain stores just to recieve the "free gift(s)" that that particular store may offer for registering for a certain dollar amount of a certain brand...and then they delete the registry later on and don't advertise it to anyone.

annathy03 · July 2014

I agree with PPs, go with the original gift you wanted to get (assuming of course it is the right bride!).

Also it's fine to go off registry, honestly about half the women that came to my shower gave me off registry gifts they thoughtfully chose for us (beach towels, cookbooks, lingerie), and I was just as thankful to receive those as I was with the china settings and bakeware.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I never look at registry cards from inside invites. I'm a google queen. I'll google 'name' + registry as soon as I find out you're engaged or expecting. I secretly judge if you have what I think are stupid things on your registry, and I'll buy you one of the cool items super early so I'm not expected to go to a shower. I'd say stick with what you found (though google it again to make sure that registry still exists), and have fun!

Simply Fated · July 2014

Oops, I should have been more clear. It's for a shower, not the wedding. And I haven't bought anything, yet. I was waiting to hear from you guys lol.

I'm 100% positive that the registry I found online is her's, their names aren't that common and it even lists the town.

There is a chance she is having two showers or that she specifically requested I buy from that exact store, so it might come as a surprise to her if I show up with a gift from the "wrong" place. Ugh this sucks.

annathy03 · July 2014

Simply Fated said:

Oops, I should have been more clear. It's for a shower, not the wedding. And I haven't bought anything, yet. I was waiting to hear from you guys lol.

I'm 100% positive that the registry I found online is her's, their names aren't that common and it even lists the town.

There is a chance she is having two showers or that she specifically requested I buy from that exact store, so it might come as a surprise to her if I show up with a gift from the "wrong" place. Ugh this sucks.

It's just as likely the place you want to buy from didn't give her inserts (or not enough, the Target packet I got had like 10 and a web link to print more), she forgot to give them to the hostess, or it just missed your envelope on accident.

Don't limit yourself to the one registry if that's not what you want to get her, and as PP said there is no "wrong" place to get a gift.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I wouldn't care what registry you bought off. I probably wouldn't even remember which registry I had the vacuum sealer on. If you found a gift you want to buy her, buy it.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

You're not even required to buy something from any of her registries, so I think what you have is fine.

WildMagelet · July 2014

Registries are just suggestions. If you think she'll like the other gift, you prefer it, and it's in your budget then go for it.

huskypuppy14 · July 2014

adk19 said:

I never look at registry cards from inside invites. I'm a google queen. I'll google 'name' + registry as soon as I find out you're engaged or expecting. I secretly judge if you have what I think are stupid things on your registry, and I'll buy you one of the cool items super early so I'm not expected to go to a shower. I'd say stick with what you found (though google it again to make sure that registry still exists), and have fun!

So if a friend has a pineapple peeler and you think that's a stupid item, you'll judge her? What a nice friend you are. Also, no one is expected to go to the shower, and you're certainly not expected to get a gift if you don't go. Honestly, I wouldn't want someone with your attitude at my shower.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

adk19 said:

I never look at registry cards from inside invites. I'm a google queen. I'll google 'name' + registry as soon as I find out you're engaged or expecting. I secretly judge if you have what I think are stupid things on your registry, and I'll buy you one of the cool items super early so I'm not expected to go to a shower. I'd say stick with what you found (though google it again to make sure that registry still exists), and have fun!

So if a friend has a pineapple peeler and you think that's a stupid item, you'll judge her? What a nice friend you are. Also, no one is expected to go to the shower, and you're certainly not expected to get a gift if you don't go. Honestly, I wouldn't want someone with your attitude at my shower.

Oh, chill out. I said I secretly judge. And I judge the item, not the friend. I don't tell anyone how I feel about the gravy boat or the giant metal chicken on their registry. And when I hate the ugly ass picture frames they've decided to use to decorate their house, I keep it to my damn self. I just don't buy it for them. I buy the Forman grill or blender instead. Really? You've never judged someone else's taste in things?

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