I thought maybe they just forgot...

Re: I thought maybe they just forgot...

• hikebikebemerry member

  

  July 2014

  KBiggs1987 said:

  Hello all,

  I'm a bride to be and one of my friends is getting married out of state and unfortunately  I won't be making it to the wedding. I already stated this to the couple and they understand as it is quite far away for me to travel. Nonetheless we have been going back and forth about wedding planning and what she is doing/what I'm doing etc. Anyway, I just got their invitation in the mail and when I opened it there wasn't a RSVP card, so in a panic for her I sent her a quick text message asking if she meant to forgoes the card in invites for people she knew wouldn't be coming to save on postage. She replied that no, she was leaving out RSVPs for everyone as she expects an email or phone call from everyone so she can make sure that they know how many people in their parties are invited, and to reiterate that they either want cash/check or nothing at all in the form of gifts...

  I mean, what are they thinking? They managed to include a picture of themselves, a separately printed note giving details on why they only want cash/checks for gifts, but somehow convinced themselves it was a good idea to not include RSVP information. She didn't even include email/phone numbers that they could be contacted at. I just don't get it...

  Then again I don't understand why I still haven't received a thank you card from another one of my friends who got married last year for the $250 gift card I gave to her and her spouse.

  Maybe I just put too much on etiquette, maybe I'm outdated.

  /rant

  
  

  *Stuck in the box*

  1. Fixed this for you.  I am sure that the invitation thing will be the first of many etiquette blunders.  Better that you can't go than spending hundreds to thousands on travel only to be poorly hosted.

  2.  No RSVP card used to be standard practice.  (Someone please correct me if I am wrong here)

  3.  What asshats.

  4.  Clearly, they aren't thinking.  Or they are only thinking about themselves rather than how they are making loved ones around them feel.

  5.  Why did they need to explain that they wanted cash?  What was their reasoning?  Did it include a cutesy poem?!

  6. No RSVP date even?  That is just silly.  Most likely people will be confused about no RSVP card, or respond by mail the traditional way (by writing a letter noting if you are coming or not, once again, someone please feel free to correct me here).  If people respond by snail mail, how could they "reiterate" what they want for gifts?  

  7.  I don't understand why you haven't gotten a thank you either.  Some people are mistaken in believing that they have a full year to send out Thank Yous... that's really all I've got other than suggesting that the next thing you get for all of your friends is a book on etiquette from Miss Manners.

  8.  No being rude as fuck will never be outdated.

  

  
  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  July 2014

  Your question posed: What were they thinking? Pretty clear they were taking care of number one and not thinking of anyone else.

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  I can't imagine being on the other end of that phone call and being reminded to bring them money. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 member

  

  July 2014

  
  

  
  

  Let me guess, Princess will start complaining that no one RSVP'd and she has to track down a ton of people closer to the date.  Like, c'mon gyuz, you're supposed to be able to read my thoughts, guyz!  Send her a toaster.

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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• izza2 member

  

  July 2014

  AddieCake said:

  I can't imagine being on the other end of that phone call and being reminded to bring them money. 

  If I was on the other end of that phone call it'd be with a swift decline to the invitation.

  
  

  
  

  Giving money as a "gift" is a given. No one should ask for money outright. If someone asks what you'd like, it's one thing to say you're not looking for any material gifts, and one thing to maybe hint that you're saving up for X event. But to outright ask for money and say material gifts aren't welcome? That's tacky and actually seems rude.

  If someone brings an actual gift, are they going to ask them to leave?

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• ohannabelle member

  

  July 2014

  Actually, RSVP cards are never required, and not including them is 100% correct formal etiquette, though they've become standard over the past twenty years, and nobody else really cares anymore. 

  
  

  Good etiquette was (is) that on receiving an invitation, you actually picked up a pen and paper, and wrote a polite acceptance or decline. It was expected that the guests knew how to do this.

  
  

  Honestly, the first time my mother received a fill in the blanks RSVP card, she held it like a dead mouse and said "What the hell? They sent me a form letter? What is this crap?"

  
  

  Some older people consider the fill in the blank cards a little insulting, as if it implies they don't have the manners and skills to properly respond to an invitation. (Which is sadly true, and why RSVP cards were invented.) 

  
  

  Yep. I'm a dinosaur.  I throw my RSVP cards away when I get them and sit down, and actually write a polite letter, that I am happy to accept, or regretfully decline. Don't give a damn if I'm the last person in the universe to do it. 

  
  

  The correct etiquette aside, if your friend is doing this so she can ask for money, she's crass and should be ashamed. Gross.

  
  

  
  

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• monkeysip member

  

  July 2014

  I know that not including RSVPs is perfectly acceptable, traditional etiquette... but I don't think this couple did it because they wanted traditional etiquette.  Sounds like it's all just part of their scheme to get more money.  

  
  

  Just gross.

  
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• ohannabelle member

  

  July 2014

  monkeysip said:

  I know that not including RSVPs is perfectly acceptable, traditional etiquette... but I don't think this couple did it because they wanted traditional etiquette.  Sounds like it's all just part of their scheme to get more money.  

  
  

  Just gross.

  Oh, absolutely agreed. 

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• mysticl member

  

  July 2014

  KBiggs1987 said:

  Hello all,

  I'm a bride to be and one of my friends is getting married out of state and unfortunately I won't be making it to the wedding. I already stated this to the couple and they understand as it is quite far away for me to travel. Nonetheless we have been going back and forth about wedding planning and what she is doing/what I'm doing etc. Anyway, I just got their invitation in the mail and when I opened it there wasn't a RSVP card, so in a panic for her I sent her a quick text message asking if she meant to forgoes the card in invites for people she knew wouldn't be coming to save on postage. She replied that no, she was leaving out RSVPs for everyone as she expects an email or phone call from everyone so she can make sure that they know how many people in their parties are invited, and to reiterate that they either want cash/check or nothing at all in the form of gifts...

  I mean, what are they thinking? They managed to include a picture of themselves, a separately printed note giving details on why they only want cash/checks for gifts, but somehow convinced themselves it was a good idea to not include RSVP information. She didn't even include email/phone numbers that they could be contacted at. I just don't get it...

  Then again I don't understand why I still haven't received a thank you card from another one of my friends who got married last year for the $250 gift card I gave to her and her spouse.

  Maybe I just put too much on etiquette, maybe I'm outdated.

  /rant

  I can't even deal with the other stuff so I'll touch on the thank you note.  Some people just don't do them.  Of the last 4 weddings I've been to I received one thank you note and that was from the PPD who included registry information and a request for cash in the invites. We also sent a gift to a wedding we did not attend and DH received a FB thank you for that.  I have a friend who does not do thank you notes, calls, anything. If you hand them something in person they will say thank you but that's it. She won't even let people know if she received a package they sent her unless they ask about it. 

  

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• pinkcow13 member

  

  July 2014

  That is incredibly tacky on your friends part.

  
  

  And I actually had no idea that not including RSVP cards was proper ettiquette. You learn something new every day!

                               

  

  
  

   

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• Chipmunk415 member

  

  July 2014

  I foresee a metal chicken in your friend's future

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