Huge gap in cousin's wedding.

climbingsingle · July 2014

Ugh. Just received the invitation. Ceremony starts at 3pm and the reception starts at 6. No info on anything being hosted. The church and the reception venue are across the street from each other. It's a 45 minute drive from my house (without traffic) and I have to cross a bridge and pay a hefty toll, so driving back home isn't really an option. I guess we'll have to find a bar or restaurant that we can hang out at.

My parents will also be traveling 2 hours one way to attend. I feel worse for them. None of us will be staying at the hotel where they have a room block, as we have pets to return home to. I really can't justify dropping $$$ on a hotel room and $$$ to have our dog boarded for the night. I'm so irritated and disappointed.

vk2204 · July 2014

That stinks. Do you know of anyone getting a hotel room that you could hang out there? Or even see if the hotel has a lounge area that will be open?

climbingsingle · July 2014

I don't know of anyone getting a hotel room. All of our family members attending are mostly local. I could see if the hotel has a lounge.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

Uhg. That sucks. Why do people have gaps? Like legitimately, what is their reasoning? We took pictures for 45 and at the end of our ceremony/reception had like 800 images. I don't understand why anyone needs that many pictures of themselves.

AlexaF2014 · July 2014

My mother's response to this was always "Well, I guess we'll only attend the reception." I always thought that was rude, since you were invited to attend a wedding and the reception is a thank you for attending said wedding... but, that's neither here nor there. I'm assuming you're close enough to the cousin that you can't outright decline and your presence would be missed at the ceremony? Hypothetically, would it be any better if something were hosted during the gap and they're just trying to get it out via word of mouth? Might be worth a shot to ask, or if they have any recommendations on what to do in the area at least.

pinkcow13 · July 2014

That blows. I would definitely see if the hotel has a lounge, I would think they would. Or maybe there is a bar or restaurant in the area that you could go to. That is just so irritating. I would hate to just sit around waiting while I'm in my fancy clothes.

climbingsingle · July 2014

We're definitely close enough that I wouldn't want to miss the ceremony. That was FI's suggestion too, but I'd honestly feel bad about that.

JMalettas · July 2014

I don't mind a bit of a gap, as I usually like to change before the reception, but your situation definitely sucks! I wouldn't want to pay the toll twice either. As the PPs mentioned, your best bet is to find a bar/restaurant, and hang out for the afternoon. Although, depending on the cost of gas/toll, it may be cheaper to go home too. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll do a really early cocktail thing, and for some odd reason, didn't throw it on the invite, and you'll wait like an hour-ish. Which still isn't exactly fun, but more ideal than option #1!

*J

kmmssg · July 2014

I am antigap all the way and am with your mom. If you invite me to your mega gap wedding I will decide which one (ceremony OR reception) works better for my schedule and will attend that. When it comes to gaps I have absolutely no remorse about attending reception only. If you wanted me at both you shouldn't have scheduled a 3 hour gap!

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

My cousin had an hr gap, and we weren't sure what to do (H and his brothers were IN the wedding so I was with his parents and grandparents during said gap). FIL and I wanted to go to a bar to catch the Bruins game, but MIL was worried about her parents. We figured we would drive to the reception site and then figure it out. Well a lot of people did that and they ended up opening early to host the guests (vs leaving us all standing outside) no idea if the couple got charged extra or not, but the [cash] bar and the fruit/cheese plate was out so we could eat/drink and start socializing.

SBmini · July 2014

AlexaF2014 said:

My mother's response to this was always "Well, I guess we'll only attend the reception." I always thought that was rude, since you were invited to attend a wedding and the reception is a thank you for attending said wedding... but, that's neither here nor there. I'm assuming you're close enough to the cousin that you can't outright decline and your presence would be missed at the ceremony? Hypothetically, would it be any better if something were hosted during the gap and they're just trying to get it out via word of mouth? Might be worth a shot to ask, or if they have any recommendations on what to do in the area at least.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest you do. In my husband's culture, gaps are actually expected. Getting married in the afternoon and having a reception that starts at 8 pm is the norm. (We did NOT do this for the record!) As such, people who aren't close family just come to the reception because it is too inconvenient for them to take all day and deal with a 3-6 hour gap.

I would call to ask about if there is something hosted between the ceremony and reception to confirm, but when it comes back that it isn't hosted, I would be honest as to why you won't be at the ceremony. It will give your cousin a chance to adjust if she realizes that her lack of consideration for her guests will mean that people won't attend both portions of her wedding.

JennyColada · July 2014

Maybe you can discuss getting a hotel room for a half-day and splitting the cost with your parents. At least you'll be able to sit and watch TV or something.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

OMG, are we going to the same wedding?!?!? I have a similar invite. Whole thing is at a resort, but there is a 3 hour gap. I anticipate arriving to the reception *pretty* drunk, because we are staying off-site.

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

Ugh, gaps suck so hard.

Our ceremony ran a little shorter than we anticipated, and most of the guests walked over to the reception site (100ish yards away) about 15 minutes before the cocktail hour was set to start. H and I managed to get all of our posed pictures done so we were actually there for almost our entire cocktail hour with such a teeny, tiny gap that I don't think anyone minded. I don't know what in the hell we would have done if we had even more time in between!

climbingsingle · July 2014

I have her shower this weekend, so maybe I'll ask my aunt what she suggests.

My parents have shelled out $$$ for my wedding (they're not paying, but they bought/rented attire, booked their room at our resort, my mom is attending my bach party in two weeks) so there's no way they'll pay for a hotel room, even if we split it with them. Also, they're driving us to the cousin's wedding since they're passing our house on the way. My mom is insistent on attending the ceremony. So I can either suck it up or drive ourselves. And if my parents were in attendance for the ceremony, I'd feel shitty if I wasn't.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

God that's so annoying. I'm a BM in a wedding next year that's a lot like this: ceremony at 2pm, reception at 6pm about an hour away. Bride wants to take photos with the WP at a third location and of course her dream/vision was an evening reception, so there ya go.

I tried to gently ask about the gap and she said, "Well, only the important people come to the ceremony anyway."

Okay then. Glad I'm important enough that you can drag me around with you for pictures all day?

theexactlee · July 2014

I said it once I'll keep saying it. People need to hire a magician.

kaitlynmichelle · July 2014

My cousin's wedding was at 12:30, cocktail hour at 6:00 and dinner at 7:00 years ago. I was starving by 6 and the apps they had were all shellfish. My mom and I are allergic. I was so happy when dinner was finally served!

Luckily we were able to hang out at my uncle's house for a bit but I remember being really bored after a few hours. I'm fine with a gap but that was excessive.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

kmmssg said:

I am antigap all the way and am with your mom. If you invite me to your mega gap wedding I will decide which one (ceremony OR reception) works better for my schedule and will attend that. When it comes to gaps I have absolutely no remorse about attending reception only. If you wanted me at both you shouldn't have scheduled a 3 hour gap!

This. Sorry, but if the B&G prioritize other things (pictures, usually) over their guests, I see no beef with guests prioritizing other things over them. Seriously.

Last year, we were invited to a 1pm wedding with 7pm reception. We only attended the reception. I think a lot of people did this because the bride flat out asked people at the reception if they came to the ceremony...

lyndausvi · July 2014

I would skip the ceremony if I could. If I'm going to invest in the time and expense to get over there I want it for the event that is the longest and I can actually hang out with the couple. There's a good chance they would not even miss me at the ceremony.

Not sure what bridges you have to go over, but to get to MIL's house we normally take the Verrazono-Narrows ($15 cash or $10.66 EZpass which we have) and Goethals Bridges ($13 cash, $11 EZpass). That shit is expensive.

Don't get me started on the randomness of traffic flow. I've been on there for hours at midnight on a random Saturday night in Oct and smooth sailing at 9am on a Monday morning. Most of the time is some sort of delay. No way I would risk making more than one round trip.

Huge gap in cousin's wedding.

Re: Huge gap in cousin's wedding.

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