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"Save your $ for the honeymoon!"

saiiawaysaiiaway member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Chit Chat
My FH has been talking to many of our married friends, and they are all telling him to save his money for the honeymoon instead of a nice wedding. We ARE paying for it ourselves, unless I can get my father to chip in. Very cheap ceremony site, free officiant, but then $3k for our "dream" reception venue. Then we will have to tack on cheapy food (he quite literally wants pizza,) linens, plates, silverware, DJ, photog, ALCOHOL, and any DIY decorations. That's not too too much- I don't think?

BUT he wants to pour any money he has saved into our honeymoon and go bare bones on anything else. What would/are you doing?
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Re: "Save your $ for the honeymoon!"

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    saiiaway said:
    My FH has been talking to many of our married friends, and they are all telling him to save his money for the honeymoon instead of a nice wedding. We ARE paying for it ourselves, unless I can get my father to chip in. Very cheap ceremony site, free officiant, but then $3k for our "dream" reception venue. Then we will have to tack on cheapy food (he quite literally wants pizza,) linens, plates, silverware, DJ, photog, ALCOHOL, and any DIY decorations. That's not too too much- I don't think?

    BUT he wants to pour any money he has saved into our honeymoon and go bare bones on anything else. What would/are you doing?
    We're doing exactly the opposite.  Spending the savings on our wedding, no plans for a big expensive honeymoon.  We might delay the honeymoon and take a big fancy honeymoon in about six months after the wedding; or if we get unexpected financial help on the wedding from our families, we can use those savings for a honeymoon.

    Whatever you do, just make sure you properly host your guests at the wedding.  Saving money is admirable, but don't do it at the expense of your guests' comfort: you need enough food for the time of day and your guests shouldn't have to open their wallets for anything.
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  • MamaAlly89MamaAlly89 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    First of all, you and your FI should talk about get on the same page about what is most important to the both of you. If you really want to put all of your money into the honeymoon, you could just have a simple ceremony and cake/punch reception after.

    For my FI and I having the wedding we wanted was more important so that's what we put our money into. Our honeymoon will be a laid back, low key trip to cape cod for 4 days.

    No matter what you decide to do it will be great! Just make sure you and your FI agree so neither one of you is disappointed :)

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The two of you have completely different visions of your wedding day.

    YOU:  Traditional wedding with dancing, food, alcohol, done inexpensively, but still a full evening wedding.
    HIM:  Elopement with lavish honeymoon.

    You both need to compromise.  This requires communication.  I would suggest an afternoon ceremony with sandwiches, cake and punch, no dancing, no alcohol, then a special honeymoon.  Talk to each other, and listen!

    Personally, we just had a small wedding and a mini-moon of three days in a nearby city.  We were both concerned with our finances, and wanted to buy a house as soon as practical.  That was OUR compromise. 
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    What exactly is your "dream wedding venue"? I love pizza, but I would definitely side eye a wedding in an expensive venue that saved money by serving pizza.
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    afox007 said:
    What exactly is your "dream wedding venue"? I love pizza, but I would definitely side eye a wedding in an expensive venue that saved money by serving pizza.
    I'm wondering this too.

    Don't get me wrong... Pizza at a wedding reception actually sounds great to me... but not in a fancy venue of any sort.  Pizza belongs in a more casual, relaxed kind of venue.  

    Definitely figure out your must-haves.  We saved money on some things so that we could have a really great honeymoon, BUT it was still important to us to have a nice venue and good food for our wedding.  We wouldn't have given that up for a better honeymoon. 

    You really just need to figure out what you both want... there's no right answer here.  But like JCbride said, make sure you're still properly hosting your guests!

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I definitely think you guys need to get on the same page. It's OK to spend less on the wedding and more on the honeymoon (like a PP said, as long as you host your guests properly). We're splitting it about 50/50. But the first thing we had to do we agree on what we wanted to do. FI and I both wanted different kind of trips (me tropical, him mountains). We compromised on our location. 
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    saiiaway said:
    My FH has been talking to many of our married friends, and they are all telling him to save his money for the honeymoon instead of a nice wedding. We ARE paying for it ourselves, unless I can get my father to chip in. Very cheap ceremony site, free officiant, but then $3k for our "dream" reception venue. Then we will have to tack on cheapy food (he quite literally wants pizza,) linens, plates, silverware, DJ, photog, ALCOHOL, and any DIY decorations. That's not too too much- I don't think?

    BUT he wants to pour any money he has saved into our honeymoon and go bare bones on anything else. What would/are you doing?
    1) This insinuates that you're going to bully him into help. If you're adult enough to get married, you're adult enough to pay for it. 
    2) I'm all for vacations, but do you live in a nice place? Have the home items you need? Have an emergency fund? I knew a couple who spent a ton on their honeymoon, they came back and realized they couldn't afford their lifestyle anymore. 

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    We're taking a nice honeymoon (8 days in Spain) but we determined what we could afford for that AFTER budgeting how much it would cost to adequately host 250 of our nearest and dearest the way we wanted to (his grandpa's country club for the venue, plated dinner, upgraded open bar). This is technically the first event we'll host as a married couple, and we wanted to make a good impression and give our friends and family a party they'll remember (for good reasons!) for a long time. The honeymoon will be great, but it only affects us.
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You and your FI need to get on the same page. To us, it was more important to spend money on the wedding and reception to have a good time and properly host guests rather than an extravagant honeymoon. We are still having a honeymoon but going to Florida (driving distance) and using my mom's timeshare (awesome gift to us) instead of an AI vacation in the Caribbean. 

    Note: My parents are paying for the majority of my wedding (very thankful for this) so the money FI and I save is our spending money for the honeymoon

    Also, "getting you dad" to give you money for the wedding? No. He will offer you the money if he wants to, otherwise you are completely responsible for paying. 

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  • BreMRBreMR member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My FI is also the type that would have said to go cheap on food, in fact, if we were going to have a local wedding he wanted to cater Chipotle.  I effin' LOVE Chipotle, but it just didn't make sense to spend that much money on a venue to serve fast food.

    I personally decided that a vacation was more important than a lavish wedding, so that's what helped us make the decision about a destination wedding.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We did what most people don't do, but it's because we didn't have any guests and we both agreed on what we wanted. We dumped all of our money into our travel arrangements for our DW/HM and kept the wedding part somewhat simple. It's not that we couldn't afford the big wedding or the wedding and HM, but we really had no desire to host anyone. We wanted a drama free day.

    My parents paid for the majority of my first wedding, so I was able to have a big wedding that I partially contributed to AND a really nice HM. Had I had to pay for the wedding itself, I would have had a private wedding on a beach. Travel is more important to me.

    PPs are right, though- there needs to be a discussion and a compromise. But, the compromise has to allow you to properly host your guests!! Once you invite people, that is what comes first.

     







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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Something's kind of "off" to me with the way the original post is written.  It sounds to me like your Fiance wants to cheap out, and I mean that with a negative connotation.  If someone hosted me with pizza (and I love pizza) and took a lavish vacation to Bora Bora, I'd feel slighted, especially if I personally had to travel to get to that wedding. 
    There are casual, lovely affairs on small budgets, and then there's just plain selfish cheaping out. Please don't do the latter, or you may as well just elope.  Don't host anyone if you don't care about them.  
    If he really wants to save money on a wedding, you could also just go really tiny with only immediate family and the very closest friends present, say 20 people or so. Brunch weddings are also a hit and a good money-saver if you want larger groups.   
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My friend took an around the world cruise for her HM and had a cash bar at the wedding. Definitely the talk of the wedding (behind her back of course).
     
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  • lizandmark2014lizandmark2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    We were offered my grandparents vacation home. So all we paid for was food. We started out planing to go to Hawii. When the option to go to the vacation home arose, we talked.
    We decided on the vacation home. We spent less and still had fun! ( free excet for food)

    Just talk to each other and decide what is best for you as a coupel.
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  • littlemushroomlittlemushroom member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    My dad offered FI and I $5000 for a honeymoon if we went to the courthouse to get married.  We would have jumped at that offer, but my mom put her foot down and said we were having a "real" wedding.  My parents are paying for a wedding instead.  I said if we are going to do the whole wedding thing, then we are going to do it right.  No half-assing the wedding and reception. 

    If you are going to do it at all, do it right.  Don't spend $3000 on a venue and serve pizza.  If you want a budget wedding, that is fine.  Do a cake and punch reception, hold the reception at a park or in a backyard, have an early morning or lunch reception, etc.  But if your elements don't match (venue v food, time of day v food, etc), it is going to look like you half-assed your own wedding.  If you don't care, why should anyone else.  And if you don't care, then you should skip all the wedding trappings and elope.
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