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Wedding Party

Bridesmaid ish

So I've been friends with one of my bridesmaids since 6th grade. I don't have many close female friends and so even though we aren't best friends I asked her to be in my wedding because I care about her a lot and we have a lot of fun together. It is now a month before my wedding and she recently just turned 21 and wile she invited me to her B-day dinner (along with her family, friends and co-workers) she didn't invite me to any of the following partying with her other friends (admittedly I'm not close with them but we have met and got along great and its her birthday not theirs anyways) which lasted all weekend long and I could have easily attended. I'm very hurt and I'm not sure how she could not predict that this would hurt me but since we have never been BFFs we have never gotten in a fight before so I'm not sure how to deal with this (I also hate confrontation and always avoid it at all costs). Of course she is free to invite whoever she likes to her parties but it was flaunted in my face that I wasn't invited and I find this to be really hard to just move on and forget about. So lately we haven't talked. I get the impression that she hasn't even noticed this because she seems very busy with all the friends that she did invite to her parties but she just texted me to ask about the seating arrangements and I responded saying that since we are having a sweetheart table she can sit with her boyfriend. To this she said "Oh he's not coming, I'm having my female friend come with me instead." This is one of the friends she has been so busy having fun with wile excluding me and wile I have met this friend and she seems nice I have only spent time with her twice and she wasn't invited. Should I just excuse all of this and let it go and just focus on the fact that I'm thrilled to be marrying my fiance? Should I say something about all of this to her? As a bridesmaid she of course has a plus one invite but I'm also wrestling with being green with envy over her choosing this friend so blatantly over me this summer and I'm hurt about her not seeming to care about any of it. I don't want this to blow up on my wedding day (I'm very good at hiding my emotions so I don't expect that it would but it could still be very distracting) and I just want to know that everyone standing at the alter with me actually cares about me and my happiness. Please help!

Re: Bridesmaid ish

  • So I've been friends with one of my bridesmaids since 6th grade. I don't have many close female friends and so even though we aren't best friends I asked her to be in my wedding because I care about her a lot and we have a lot of fun together. It is now a month before my wedding and she recently just turned 21 and wile she invited me to her B-day dinner (along with her family, friends and co-workers) she didn't invite me to any of the following partying with her other friends (admittedly I'm not close with them but we have met and got along great and its her birthday not theirs anyways) which lasted all weekend long and I could have easily attended. I'm very hurt and I'm not sure how she could not predict that this would hurt me but since we have never been BFFs we have never gotten in a fight before so I'm not sure how to deal with this (I also hate confrontation and always avoid it at all costs). Of course she is free to invite whoever she likes to her parties but it was flaunted in my face that I wasn't invited and I find this to be really hard to just move on and forget about. So lately we haven't talked. I get the impression that she hasn't even noticed this because she seems very busy with all the friends that she did invite to her parties but she just texted me to ask about the seating arrangements and I responded saying that since we are having a sweetheart table she can sit with her boyfriend. To this she said "Oh he's not coming, I'm having my female friend come with me instead." This is one of the friends she has been so busy having fun with wile excluding me and wile I have met this friend and she seems nice I have only spent time with her twice and she wasn't invited. Should I just excuse all of this and let it go and just focus on the fact that I'm thrilled to be marrying my fiance? Should I say something about all of this to her? As a bridesmaid she of course has a plus one invite but I'm also wrestling with being green with envy over her choosing this friend so blatantly over me this summer and I'm hurt about her not seeming to care about any of it. I don't want this to blow up on my wedding day (I'm very good at hiding my emotions so I don't expect that it would but it could still be very distracting) and I just want to know that everyone standing at the alter with me actually cares about me and my happiness. Please help!
    This is a friend problem, not a wedding problem, so let's treat it that way.

    It is perfectly acceptable to be open about your feelings about not being invited to the entire weekend. Something along the lines of, "I would like to spend time with you and get to know your other friends, and I wish I was included in all of your birthday plans." would get the point across. Remember that her other friends may have planned that and not included you since you don't know them.

    Now, onto your invitations. This is something you didn't ask about, but judging from your post, I think you are confused about. Everyone in a relationship should be invited with their SO, and their SO should be named on the invitation. This is different than a plus one, because you are inviting both parts of the social unit (couples are a social unit, they get invited together, by name). This also buffers you from guests bringing just any "plus one". If anyone RSVPs for themselves and their grandma, you get to say, "Oh, I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was for you and SO, and we can't include grandma, hope you can still make it!" See how nice that is? Now your BM won't show up with the random birthday friend.
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  • Thank you for clearing that up for me. However we did inviter her as "BM and guest" on the invitation because her boyfriend and her had just started dating and we wanted her to feel free to bring a date to dance with since she is kind of a VIP guest. Would that still mean a female friend cant be invited?
  • If you invited her with "& guest", she's allowed to bring whomever she likes. That includes a female friend.
  • Thank you for clearing that up for me. However we did inviter her as "BM and guest" on the invitation because her boyfriend and her had just started dating and we wanted her to feel free to bring a date to dance with since she is kind of a VIP guest. Would that still mean a female friend cant be invited?
    She can invite anyone she wishes since you said "guest".  
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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes, she can absolutely bring anyone she likes as a guest at this point.
  • . Should I just excuse all of this and let it go and just focus on the fact that I'm thrilled to be marrying my fiance?
    Yes absolutely.
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