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How To Find a Secular Officiant in a Conservative Community

Wegl13Wegl13 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Hi all- My fiancé and I have hit a wall and my wedding assignment was actually to come to you guys for help. Here's the deal: Both he and I are non-religious, which requires a lot of explaining to come to the point but at the end of the day, we want a non-religious ceremony that will still respect our families' beliefs. I've found some good vows online that seem to meet this, so far so good. But now we've hit a snag. Finding an officiant for the wedding. We are getting married in a very rural community in south Alabama- we chose the site based on its significance to his family and us (it's his grandpas grade school and is just down the road from their farm where he asked me to marry him). We have pastors that are friends of the family, but they are of course not willing to perform a secular wedding ceremony (which I respect). However I am concerned about how to go about finding a justice of the peace or someone else who IS willing to perform the service. My fiancé doesn't want a close friend or family member to perform it, as he wants them to not have a job other than being at the wedding. I am okay with that but I am concerned that just calling up the local people in such a small, historically conservative town will land us a justice of the peace that is ALSO unwilling to perform a marriage ceremony without some mention of a Christian God. Does anyone have any good advice on how to find someone to marry us?
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Re: How To Find a Secular Officiant in a Conservative Community

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    beetherybeethery member
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    I did some googling and found out that there are no JOPs in Alabama. BUT, each county has at least one judge that can perform wedding ceremonies.

    Some will travel to non-courthouse sites, and also allow you to incorporate your own vows.

    If I were you, I would start getting in touch with judges in your county and those surrounding, and see if any of them can work with what you need.

    Best of luck!
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    littlemushroomlittlemushroom member
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    FI and I are using a friend of a friend who was ordained online to officiate our wedding.  If Alabama allows people ordained online to officiate weddings, maybe one of your friends has a friend or family member who would be willing to get ordained in order to perform a secular ceremony.  If I were you, I would also pay the fee for them to be ordained. That way it is someone known (relatively) to you, but not so close that your FI would feel bad making them work at your ceremony.
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    wandajune6wandajune6 member
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    Try Craig's List or thumbtack.com. If there's anyone out there, they're struggling for business.

    Good luck!
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Well sure, an officiant might not be willing to do a secular ceremony but there's really no way to find that out without picking up the phone and asking.
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    daria24daria24 member
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    I would try to find a Unitarian minister in your area-even though they are a church, Unitarians are open to all belief systems, and perform secular weddings all the time. 

    Also ditto asking your county clerk for a list of officiants. Depending on your state laws, elected officials like mayors might be able to perform ceremonies, they might be a good option.
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    hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
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    State of Alabama allows ordained ministers or past/current judges to act as officiants. If you know a judge, I might speak to him/her; they may be willing to do the ceremony. I'm not sure about getting ordained online, but maybe ask the Probate Court of the county you're getting married in. 

    I know they must exist, but I've never ever seen a Unitarian church in Alabama.
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    ediblespryskyediblesprysky member
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    CaitTDid23 said:
    State of Alabama allows ordained ministers or past/current judges to act as officiants. If you know a judge, I might speak to him/her; they may be willing to do the ceremony. I'm not sure about getting ordained online, but maybe ask the Probate Court of the county you're getting married in. 

    I know they must exist, but I've never ever seen a Unitarian church in Alabama.
    Heehee, they definitely do, at least in Tuscaloosa, where I grew up. But I don't know about rural South Alabama--I can see them having a selection of Baptist, Presbyterian, and Methodist ministers and... nothing else. I second the suggestion of finding a judge, or finding someone more liberal from another area in Alabama who would be willing to travel. I don't know if they get ordained with the state or with the county (county would make traveling tricky) but that might be worth looking into. Maybe somebody from Mobile?
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    jenijoykjenijoyk member
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    Good luck. It was hard enough for us to find a secular officiant and we live in California! Granted, we were a little picky, but still. There were slim options once we removed everyone with required premarital counseling, and everyone with either a "I am an athiest and refuse to lead any sort of prayer" or a "I won't marry gay people" statement on their website. I mean, we don't actually want a prayer, and we aren't a gay couple, but being married by someone who felt so strongly about either was a no-go.
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    Wegl13Wegl13 member
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    Hey guys- guess what? We asked his granddad who found us an officiant! Hooray! I have no details other than that the FI says he's booked and will show up at the appropriate time and place. FWIW, there are Unitarian churches in Alabama. I went to one once, but not for church- for a drag show! I think I also went for Halloween once too.
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