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My Idea For Asking Bridesmaids--Good or No?

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Re: My Idea For Asking Bridesmaids--Good or No?

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hey!

    I got these cute designed boxes for each of the girls and when you open it, it is a pop up message saying "I couldn't say "I Do" without you. Will you be my bridesmaid? Please say YES! Love, Rachel". My plan is to invite them all to brunch at one of my favorite restaurants and have the boxes sitting on each of their place setting. I imagine them opening them up, being excited, and us celebrating with mimosas, wedding talk, etc. I am planning on having 5 bridesmaids, and I am pretty sure they will all say yes. One of them is actually my personal trainer who became a very close friend and I want her to be a bridesmaid, too. I am 25 and she is in her 50's, (is that weird/okay?) but I think she will say yes.

    1) Is this a cute idea?
    2) Should I ask my trainer separately and if she says yes have her join the brunch with everyone?

    All advice welcome and thanks!


    I would not ask them as a group. Why not spend some time, lunch, dinner, cocktails, wine and bad tv, with each one, and ask then? You can use the boxes, I think it's a bit...much, but if you already have them and are set on it, it's not terrible. 

    Like @ashely8918 said, asking in a group puts pressure on people. It's very hard to say no if everyone else is super excited. Don't put that pressure on your friends.


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I don't like cutesy ways of asking, either, but go for it if that's your thing. It might put pressure on them. I know if it were me, I would feel bad saying no if you had gone to so much trouble. I would not ask them as a group. That definitely puts the pressure on.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    Fi's cousin asked me to be her HM in almost an identical way-- she got the idea for the boxes off Pinterest, invited us out to dinner, and gave everyone the boxes.

    It was really sweet, and she obviously put a lot of effort into it.  But everything in the boxes was themed to what she wanted for her wedding, not personal to each BM.  And she didn't say anything individually to each BM about what is special about her relationship with each of us.  It would have been nice to just have a conversation with her one-on-one.

    I just called my BMs individually and asked them.  It's more important that you recognize your friendship with each girl, rather than make a big production.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm really not a fan of this. It puts unnecessary pressure on a person to say yes. Ask each person individually. It doesn't need to be a big production. Just ask, simply. And then maybe after each one says yes, you can all go out for brunch. 

    doeydo
  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think it is a waste of money. I would not want or keep something like that. Also, please don't ask them together. That can be very uncomfortable for someone who might not be able to stand up in the wedding.
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  • kebebbkebebb member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I say ask them individually. I did a message in a bottle for my MOH and BM (because I'm one of those cheesy people that likes spending money on unnecessary crap haha), but I had lunch with them individually and talked to them about our relationship and why I love them, then dropped the bomb.
  • Another vote for asking individually and without props. 

    I've been asked both ways and valued the individual/conversational approach a lot more than the "you're all gathered here because I'm about to propose, *ring pop*!!" I also agree with others, asking in a group puts a ton of pressure to say yes. Sometimes people may really want to say yes but they simply can't swing it financially. No one wants to bring that up in a group of squealing, excited women.


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  • stphboyd said:
    I say ask them individually. I did a message in a bottle for my MOH and BM (because I'm one of those cheesy people that likes spending money on unnecessary crap haha), but I had lunch with them individually and talked to them about our relationship and why I love them, then dropped the bomb.
    Yeah, I'm a huge packrat when it comes to sentimental stuff. A box like that would be hard to justify holding onto, but I love to scrapbook. If you wanted to give them something, maybe something small and flat, like a photo or letter that if they did want to save it, would be easy to frame/scrapbook/pin somewhere, and then if they don't want to hold onto the box they still have something. 

    I agree with asking in a more one on one setting as well. Then, if you want to do the brunch idea, you can do it once they've accepted so they aren't put on the spot. But overall, cute general idea, it's nice that you want to put that effort in!
  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    The idea you have on how to ask them doesn't bother me so much, but I would definitely ask them all individually. I know if I was in a group that got asked, I would feel a lot of pressure to say yes if everyone else does!


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  • Another vote for asking them individually. I did that with my WP. I asked my MOH first after we got manicures one random night, asked my one BM at a NYE party we were attending and asked my other BM when we were over her house (it was the same time FI asked her BF to be his BM so it was a fun moment!). But I didn't do any cute Pinterest things.

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  • I would maybe mail each box to their homes. That way they don't have to feel pressured to say yes in a group setting. After everyone answers, then you can all enjoy a nice brunch together.

    I asked my girls by composing a little letter to each of them, describing why I would want them by my side. They all thought it was really cute, and one even hung it up in her bedroom.

    Also, age doesn't matter. I'm 22 and one of my bms is 33 lol.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would maybe mail each box to their homes. That way they don't have to feel pressured to say yes in a group setting. After everyone answers, then you can all enjoy a nice brunch together.

    I asked my girls by composing a little letter to each of them, describing why I would want them by my side. They all thought it was really cute, and one even hung it up in her bedroom.

    Also, age doesn't matter. I'm 22 and one of my bms is 33 lol.
    This is something that varies from person to person. I'll be 34 this year. I've been a bridesmaid 7 times. I'm kind of over it. Sure, I'd do it for my best friend. But for other's I'd probably decline. 

    schellzinatorPrettyGirlLostholyguacamole79
  • I would maybe mail each box to their homes. That way they don't have to feel pressured to say yes in a group setting. After everyone answers, then you can all enjoy a nice brunch together.

    I asked my girls by composing a little letter to each of them, describing why I would want them by my side. They all thought it was really cute, and one even hung it up in her bedroom.

    Also, age doesn't matter. I'm 22 and one of my bms is 33 lol.
    This is something that varies from person to person. I'll be 34 this year. I've been a bridesmaid 7 times. I'm kind of over it. Sure, I'd do it for my best friend. But for other's I'd probably decline. 
    True, I didn't consider that.

    My BM has never been in a wedding before and is really excited!

    OP, you know your friend better than we do. If you feel like she'd like to be one, then go for it!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ask them individually, without trying to be cute.

    Even if they turn out to be excited for you and happy to do it, asking them in each other's presence, in a "cutesy" way, makes them feel pressured and possibly uncomfortable.  And if one or more of them have to say no for financial, scheduling, or any other reasons, it makes them feel worse to have been asked in an over-the-top theatrical manner rather than just a direct, "Joanne, I'd love it if you could be one of my bridesmaids.  Would you be willing to be one?"
    doeydo
  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    It definitely doesn't matter how old the BMs are.  They'll let you know if they're comfortable with the idea of it, or if they feel *done* with being a BM for life.  My BMs are 23, 24, 32, 33, 42 and 43.  They're friends from different walks in life, but were all happy to be a part of my wedding.  If you want your friend, just ask her.
    doeydo
  • Ditto PPs.

    If I were having a wedding party, I would have definitely come to a potential bridesmaid and asked her individually. I would never want it to feel like a burden or put pressure on her to say yes. It can be a lot of money to participate in weddings as a bridesmaid and it's a highly individual choice.

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  • lil81lil81 member
    Knottie Warrior First Comment
    Having coordinated organized decorated bridesmaid asking boxes is kind of terrifying. Put yourself in the poor maid's shoes... what kind of Bridezilla are you going to be, if just asking someone to be a bridesmaid is this much of a production? plus - were you planning on paying for lunch, or is this where you're already asking the girls to start forking over $$?
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  • I'm with everyone else. I think the cutsie way of asking is just another way to get brides to spend money on shit people don't want or need.  And it takes any level of personal touch out of the asking. 

    Pinterest should be banned.

    Maybe just the wedding section ;)  
    If we are banning Pinterest - I agree with just the wedding section.  I get some SUPER recipes and pictures of dream remodels on there :)

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    lil81 said:
    Having coordinated organized decorated bridesmaid asking boxes is kind of terrifying. Put yourself in the poor maid's shoes... what kind of Bridezilla are you going to be, if just asking someone to be a bridesmaid is this much of a production? plus - were you planning on paying for lunch, or is this where you're already asking the girls to start forking over $$?
    Good point.  I have some BZ fears about the friend who asked with the boxes which are already partly true (long gap, multiple picture locations with long drives).  And then we all split the check after she asked us. O_o
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  • Love the idea of boxes :) but I may be biased because I'm doing the same idea with my MOH. I agree with others about asking them all seperatly, but the boxes are cute and in no way says any thing about your wedding or you as a bride! For me it's a special, creative way! It's also a $10 box, not a pair of earrings.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Love the idea of boxes :) but I may be biased because I'm doing the same idea with my MOH. I agree with others about asking them all seperatly, but the boxes are cute and in no way says any thing about your wedding or you as a bride! For me it's a special, creative way! It's also a $10 box, not a pair of earrings.
    I'd prefer a pair of earrings over a box. OP, I agree with the PPs. I'd ask them separately to avoid putting pressure on them. Also, I get that you envision everyone sitting around and talking about your wedding ... I'd caution you from having these expectations during the course do your engagement and planning. It's something you see in the movies but doesn't always happen IRL.
  • I personally like the idea - I crafted vintage handkerchiefs for my girls.  (see post in DIY board).  
    I included a letter to them each asking them to be in the bridal party, and then providing some details so they could understand the full financial commitment if they decided to stand.  I made it clear that if it wasn't feasible for them, to let me know, they would still be receiving an invite and I want to see them there.  
    I am sending this all via mail to their homes, so hopefully it takes the pressure off them. 

    :) Good luck
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    arosboro said:
    I personally like the idea - I crafted vintage handkerchiefs for my girls.  (see post in DIY board).  
    I included a letter to them each asking them to be in the bridal party, and then providing some details so they could understand the full financial commitment if they decided to stand.  I made it clear that if it wasn't feasible for them, to let me know, they would still be receiving an invite and I want to see them there.  
    I am sending this all via mail to their homes, so hopefully it takes the pressure off them. 

    :) Good luck
    And as we told you on your thread, this is inappropriate.



    ashley8918
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @arosboro‌, I don't understand why you are mailing this question to them. What's wrong with a phone call or meeting in person for coffee? Also, what financial commitment is there?
  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    arosboro said:
    I personally like the idea - I crafted vintage handkerchiefs for my girls.  (see post in DIY board).  
    I included a letter to them each asking them to be in the bridal party, and then providing some details so they could understand the full financial commitment if they decided to stand.  I made it clear that if it wasn't feasible for them, to let me know, they would still be receiving an invite and I want to see them there.  
    I am sending this all via mail to their homes, so hopefully it takes the pressure off them. 

    :) Good luck
    And as we told you on your thread, this is inappropriate.
    INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE! If I had a friend do this to me, I'd be like, "ummmm...no."


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  • I texted my bridesmaids.... clearly I suck.
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