Should I go with the dress I love or the one they love?

rubytuesday256 · July 2014

I am having a 1950's themed wedding (my dress, veil, hair, and make-up are all 50's) and I don't know if I should have my bridesmaid dresses match the theme. There is a dress that fits the theme but I seem to be the only one who absolutely loves it (they like it but don't love it). Everyone else likes another dress that is light and fun (which is also something I want in the wedding) but it doesn't match my theme. Is it enough that they do their hair and accessories with the theme or would it look strange? Any ideas? I don't want to be a bridezilla who sticks them in dresses they don't like!

ohannabelle · July 2014

Your friends are always more important than your theme. Give them what makes them happier, or find something else that's a nice and happy compromise.

mysticl · July 2014

rubytuesday256 said:

I am having a 1950's themed wedding (my dress, veil, hair, and make-up are all 50's) and I don't know if I should have my bridesmaid dresses match the theme. There is a dress that fits the theme but I seem to be the only one who absolutely loves it (they like it but don't love it). Everyone else likes another dress that is light and fun (which is also something I want in the wedding) but it doesn't match my theme. Is it enough that they do their hair and accessories with the theme or would it look strange? Any ideas? I don't want to be a bridezilla who sticks them in dresses they don't like!

Don't make them have 1950's hairstyles. They have 2014 haircuts that may not work with those styles.

rubytuesday256 · July 2014

1950's hairstyles can be done with 2014 hair cuts without any change to their hair it is all about styling. I am just wondering if the hair and accessories would be enough to show that its 1950s or if it would look out of place with the dresses not being the same 1950s style.

mysticl · July 2014

rubytuesday256 said:

1950's hairstyles can be done with 2014 hair cuts without any change to their hair it is all about styling. I am just wondering if the hair and accessories would be enough to show that its 1950s or if it would look out of place with the dresses not being the same 1950s style.

It's also considered rude to dictate their hairstyle.

Without actually seeing the dresses we can't really tell you if it will look out of place. But what's more important? The theme or the bridesmaids being comfortable?

rubytuesday256 · July 2014

They said they are comfortable in both but I can tell which one is their favorite because it is their style not mine. I'm not dictating their hairstyle to the point of exactly which style and length and color. I'm just asking for a 1950s-ish hairstyle (to be styled by the hairstylist on the day not cut, colored, or all match) because it is my theme.

Viczaesar · July 2014

Please don't try to dictate their hairstyles. They're people, not props.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Pictures of the dresses might help.

If you want to dictate hairstyles, shoes, accessories, etc. you should pay for that. But as a BM I generally wouldn't mind as long as it wasn't coming out of my pocket and I had some veto power over crazy hair or makeup.

Nymeru · July 2014

If you like the dress that they love, I'd go ahead and let them have the one they like best. There are many ways to accessorize a dress to help it go with your theme. Ultimately it's up to you though. Do you care more about the "look" of your wedding, or the happiness of your bridesmaids?

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

Your friends are more important than your theme. Don't make them spend their hard earned money on a dress you know they don't love just because it "fits your theme". Incorporate your theme elsewhere - decor, music choice, food, venue, transportation, etc.

Also, you get to dictate their dress and that's it - not their hair, nails, etc. If you want to dictate anything outside the dress, you need to pay for it. And if your choice makes them uncomfortable for any reason (i.e. a 50s beehive they hate), they can say no to these additional things.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

rubytuesday256 said:

They said they are comfortable in both but I can tell which one is their favorite because it is their style not mine. I'm not dictating their hairstyle to the point of exactly which style and length and color. I'm just asking for a 1950s-ish hairstyle (to be styled by the hairstylist on the day not cut, colored, or all match) because it is my theme.

This is dictating their hairstyles. I hate 1950's style hair and would never voluntarily have it done for a wedding I was in. But since you are wanting them to match your theme you are thus dictating that they must have 1950s style hair, even though they may not be happy about it.

You can certainly choose the dress you prefer. The dress is really the only thing you can have complete control over, but if I knew my friends were leaning more towards a different dress I would tell my theme to go fuck off. If you want 1950s style hair on your girls then you need to pay for it and same for anything else that you require.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

scribe95 said:

If you are paying for the hair you can insist on a 50s theme. But only then.

I think she would need to OFFER to pay for it if she wants something particular. However, if a BM doesn't want some hairstyle from the musical Hairspray for any reason, she can say "that's ok, I'll do my own hair" and the bride needs to be ok with it.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Let them have the dress they love, because at the end of this whole shindig, they're stuck with that dress. It would be better if they can get more use out of it in the future.

Then pay out of your pocket for them to have the 1950's hairstyles (though I would just give the theme, and not the exact hairstyle. Not everyone can pull bumper bangs or victory rolls or ratted hair). Personally, I find that you don't have to have those more insane pinup styles to look from the era. Nearly no one actually wore big rolls and enormous flowers. Ponytails and french twists were just as popular. Helmet hair was HUGE (and who wants to wear that?). What would have the biggest (and most flattering) impact would be makeup (which you should also pay for if you want it in theme). Everything was very matte, so no shimmer eyeshadow or dewy skin. Red and coral matte lipsticks were the most popular.

Shoes would also make a big difference. Low, chunky heels with delicate rounded toes were the ticket, which you'll have to pay for if you want.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

Happy bridesmaids photograph better than overly-styled-to-fit-the-theme bridesmaids.

That being said, if you are really stuck on this theme (trust me, no one else cares about the theme but you), I would go with the dress you like and let them do their own hair. As a BM, I know I might not get to pick my most favorite dress, but I would never expect and be really annoyed at having my hairstyle dictated.

AddieCake · July 2014

I agree with Lia. Lots of bridesmaids don't get to pick the dress, so this is not the most horrible thing in the world. However, the hair thing needs to be let go of. You can still have a theme w/o overdoing the theme, you know? People will still see it's a 50s theme if the hair isn't 50s, too.

lbuet348 · July 2014

I guess I have the opposite opinion. As a bridesmaid who is probably paying for my own dress I would rather have the dress I love. I could care less about my hair. If the bride wanted me to wear a beehive I would do it. I wouldn't want to pay for it though!

To answer your question though, I think your decor is going to set the theme. Everyone will be paying more attention to you and your dress so if the BM dresses aren't exactly fitting your theme- I don't see it being a big deal.

Viczaesar · July 2014

scribe95 said:

If you are paying for the hair you can insist on a 50s theme. But only then.

I personally don't think that's true. I think that if you want professional hair done you have to pay for it, but you paying for professional hair does not give you the right to insist on a certain hairstyle.

thisismynickname2 · July 2014

Now wait a second here.

Are your bridesmaids as into the 1950's (or a general retro aesthetic) as you are?

I feel like you know these women best. Everyone else has given accurate advice as to what can and can't be done without appropriate compensation, but if they're happy to go 50's but they don't like the dress as much because of something normal, like not being as flattering, that changes the game a bit.

In your position I might go for a very timeless/simple bridesmaid dress, timeless hair (chignon) and provide retro jewelry or something more along those lines.

climbingsingle · July 2014

Honestly, I think you should keep your theme off your bridesmaids. Like PPs said, they are people (supposedly your closest friends), they are not props! By all means, do yourself up in as much 50s gear as your can. Go nuts with your decor. But let your BMs wear a dress they all like. And don't dictate hairstyles to them.

jneen101 · July 2014

Pics of the hair?

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

ohannabelle said:

Your friends are always more important than your theme. Give them what makes them happier, or find something else that's a nice and happy compromise.

This. It sucks to have to wear something you hate and feel uncomfortable in and then have to stand up in front of a bunch of ppl at various times all day in said hated outfit.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

lbuet348 said:

I guess I have the opposite opinion. As a bridesmaid who is probably paying for my own dress I would rather have the dress I love. I could care less about my hair. If the bride wanted me to wear a beehive I would do it. I wouldn't want to pay for it though!

To answer your question though, I think your decor is going to set the theme. Everyone will be paying more attention to you and your dress so if the BM dresses aren't exactly fitting your theme- I don't see it being a big deal.

This^

Please don't make your BMs have 50's styled hair if they don't want to. I don't care if you were paying for my hair, I would not be sporting a 50's do unless it was this

the 50's are not my aesthetic at all. I like the 40's and 20's much better.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ohannabelle said:

Your friends are always more important than your theme. Give them what makes them happier, or find something else that's a nice and happy compromise.

This. It sucks to have to wear something you hate and feel uncomfortable in and then have to stand up in front of a bunch of ppl at various times all day in said hated outfit.

I can attest to this. I had to wear a hideous BM dress that I had zero say in with a hideous updo that was required. I felt ugly the entire day and you could see it on my face in the pictures.

Should I go with the dress I love or the one they love?

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