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Plus-Ones

thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
edited July 2014 in Chit Chat
I just wanted to share with you an example of how helpful it is to get advice here. FI and I finished addressing invitations last night (woo!). When we built our guest list, we accounted for everyone single to have a plus-one. A lot can change in a year and a half of planning. a) At a family party this past weekend, I asked his second cousin if she had someone special in her life and she say, "Oh, no, I'm just coming with my parents!" When addressing invites, FI asked me why I was still giving her a plus-one when she specifically said she didn't need one. I said, "Well she might meet the love of her life tomorrow. The wedding's still two months away." b) FI gave one of his friends a plus-one because the guy will know too few people at the wedding. In addressing a groomsman's invite, he said don't bother adding a plus-one because the guy won't bring one. I gave the same answer as above. c) A good friend of mine is single and may bring someone he's dating or just bring his best friend (a person I really like but didn't make the guest list because we're keeping things rather small). FI asked why he got a plus one because "I don't want to pay $xxx for someone to bring a random date!" I said, "Friend actually doesn't know too many people at the wedding and if he IS dating someone by the wedding, he deserves to bring them." The funny thing is, before I got engaged, I had imagined that I, too, wouldn't want to pay a ton of money to host people we'd never see again. Luckily we have the budget for it, but more importantly, I realized I didn't care. Having people I DO care about feel comfortable at our event is more important. I think FI saw the light.

ETA: The Knot hates my work computer and eliminates paragraphs. 
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Re: Plus-Ones

  • pumpkinsandturkeyspumpkinsandturkeys member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I want to say that I'm glad that you've found the advice here helpful and enlightening, and that you've employed it in your own planning, because that is what it's here for. I'm also glad that you've had meaningful discussions with your FI about what is and isn't appropriate, respectful, and considerate when it comes to your guests, their feelings, and their comfort level.

    That being said, this post comes across as being a little smug and as though you're patting yourself on the back for doing such a great service to your guests in upholding proper invitation etiquette. I think I would be less inclined to call this out if one of your guests HAD actually met a SO in the time between being invited and your wedding; however, you've noted that, thus far, none of them have. In this case, it's still a preemptive invite and assumption that they *could* meet someone special, or simply want to bring a plus one for the sake of their own comfort level.

    Really, all you're doing is summarising the invitation etiquette rules we tout in the context of your own wedding, and lauding yourself for following them. I'm very glad that you seem to have them down pat because they are important, and I don't want to come across as being too snarky or as though I'm raining on your parade, because the overall message is a positive one and should be encouraged. I just think that there are better ways to go about it.

    Happy planning!


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I don't think it comes off smug at all and is in no way any different than other people who share their stories of things they learned or the people who make "ZOMG LOOK AT THIS INVITATION WE GOT AND LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS THEY ARE DOING WRONG" posts. There are a ton of those, and I've said before that unless there is something "unique" about the situation (and there have been some doozies, yes) that all people are doing with those is pointing out what they know to be a bad idea and most of them sound the same.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just be ready for a lot of invites to come back with RSVPs for 1. We too gave a lot of our friends +1s... but hardly anyone took us up on the offer. I actually freaked out at one point because our 'yes' column was so much shorter than expected because I was counting all those +1s as actual people when really... they didn't exist.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm guilty of some smugness too, especially when judging other people's weddings.  NBD.  Glad you are giving out plus-ones.

    Fi really doesn't want to give plus-ones to the truly single guests.  I'm insisting on giving them to WP, most of whom are single.  We'll see where we are with numbers when it's time to send out invitations.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I truly didn't mean to come across as smug.  I was only saying that I learned something from the wise ones on the wedding boards.  Had I not been stalking these boards since I got engaged, I may have accidentally made my friends uncomfortable.  

    :)  
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  • bucksgirl414bucksgirl414 member
    10 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    REALLY????? You have way too much time on your hands
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  • bucksgirl414bucksgirl414 member
    10 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    That response was not directed at the post it was directed at the first persons answer. .... I dont know why some people on this site are so quick to answer post passive aggressively. .... its sad
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