I know, I'm not entitled....but it does still kinda suck

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

I know none of us are entitled to bachelorette parties, big weddings, showers, etc....but it doesn't mean it stings any less when we dont get one.

To clarify, one of my bridemaids has been planning a small weekend away with my mom, two sisters, and my two bridemaids as a bachelorette get away. We were going to rent a cabin on a local lake and spend the weekend, sunning on the dock, fishing, and enjoying some big girl drinks. Nothing elaborate, just hanging out and relaxing. Today, my friend tells me that my mother and sisters can no longer make it and since it will just be the three of us, maybe we can just get a glass of wine, together, the night before the wedding. FI and will be setting up everything the night before and he has asked that we go out to dinner (just the two of us to escape the families) the night before the wedding so I told her it was ok, but thank you for the offer.

I know, I know....I'm not entitled to anything. I didn't want anything big nor was I expecting it. It just made me really sad to hear that after everything had been planned, that now no one is coming. I, of course, told her that it was really ok to cancel and we didn't need to do anything for it. I didn't want her to feel bad, but it really hurt my feelings and really made me feel like no one cared. Especially since it was my mom and sisters saying they couldn't come. I get I am being a baby, but I was just looking forward to spending time with my friends/family before the wedding and the move. Idk...stung a lot more than I thought it would.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

I think you have every right to be sad and disappointed, I know I would. You reacted and behaved very politely and came here to vent about it. Maybe you and H can go to the lake and spend some time together?

JennyColada · July 2014

I think it's fair that you're bummed about this! I would be too. Just because you're not entitled to it as a right doesn't mean that you weren't looking forward to it! It does suck anything things don't work out the way we want. So mope away!

Some of my girlfriends mentioned going to Vegas with me as a pre-wedding getaway. But the month before the wedding is going to be hectic at work, so it'll be hard to find a free weekend.

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@bubblegum1309 - I appreciate letting me vent. I know it's silly, but i feel like crying. I'm deciding on whether I'm going to say anything to FI just yet. His bachelor party is this weekend and I don't want him to feel bad during his. Mine was going to be next weekend so I've thought about bringing it up after he gets back...I'm sure I'll be ok tomorrow. I may still go up and enjoy a weekend of quiet and reading (at a smaller cabin of course lol) and may ask if he wants to go or ask if my bridemaid and her bf if they would like to go with FI and I. Thanks for the idea!

slothiegal · July 2014

Same(ish) thing happened with me--the girls and I were planning a weekend in Atlantic City, but unfortunately between us, someone moved/got a new job, another lost her job, another had unexpected health expenses, etc...between lack of time and money, it just wasn't in the stars.

I was pretty bummed at first (especially when FI jetted off to his bachelor weekend), and you have every right to be now. But don't dwell on it, and trust me--especially as the wedding draws closer, you'll be too excited/focused on that to even remember.

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@JennyColada - The month before has been nuts! I run an aquatic facility so summer is my absolute busiest time at work. I was looking forward to a little break. May still take one though.

I would have been sad if a reall getaway, like Vegas, was on the table and then I found out it couldn't work. But, you're right in knowing if it's nuts at work, sometimes it's better to back out.

climbingsingle · July 2014

I'd be upset by that too. I'm sorry!

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@slothiegal - Yea, bit of a bummer. I know tomorrow will be better. I think it is a little tougher because I was getting a break from school, work, and wedding planning and was just really looking forward to not having to do anything and could just be a bum on dock for a little while. (Planning is not fun for me..lol This is not my cup of tea and people keep asking about tons of tiny details that I just don't really care about lol)

I understand things come up and know, that they didn't cancel to be mean or becasue they don't care. Sometimes things just kinda get in the way

AddieCake · July 2014

I was not interested in a shower, but I would have been sad not to have a bachelorette party.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

I'd be disappointed, too, @PennyBlossom2311. My BMs had talked about having a similar bachelorette party for me at my family's lake house (very much like the one you described, except no fishing). Logistically, it didn't pan out. Then, MOH (my sister) asked if she could use my house to host my bachelorette party. I told her that I'd feel like I was hosting and (I didn't say this to her, but I didn't trust her to actually clean up afterwards, so I knew I'd be stuck doing it). To be honest, after all that, my actual bachelorette party was a letdown.

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@AddieCake - Agree 100%, I couldn't care less about a shower. Missing a night with the girls...well damn.

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@sarahbear31 Oh goodness, I would not want to have one at my house either. Especially, if I felt that I would be cleaning the next day after everyone went home. lol I thought if it was really small then there wouldn't be any dissapointments and it would be really relaxing. Oh well...

slothiegal · July 2014

PennyBlossom2311 said:

@slothiegal - Yea, bit of a bummer. I know tomorrow will be better. I think it is a little tougher because I was getting a break from school, work, and wedding planning and was just really looking forward to not having to do anything and could just be a bum on dock for a little while. (Planning is not fun for me..lol This is not my cup of tea and people keep asking about tons of tiny details that I just don't really care about lol)
I understand things come up and know, that they didn't cancel to be mean or becasue they don't care. Sometimes things just kinda get in the way

Awww I hear ya. I'm the same way with planning. When I first got engaged, I asked my cousin's wife for some tips (they had just gotten married the year before). She, in usual bubbly and perky self, responded, "It's great! It's wonderful! It's so fun!" I just stared at her. (I love her to pieces--we just apparently have very different ideas of "fun". Mine happens to include sitting in sweatpants, watching bad TV and not planning shit all.)

(((hugs))) Come on over to SoCal, we can have a joint "our bachelorette parties didn't pan out" bachelorette pary!

pinkcow13 · July 2014

I'm sorry, I too would be disappointed

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

PennyBlossom2311 said:

@sarahbear31 Oh goodness, I would not want to have one at my house either. Especially, if I felt that I would be cleaning the next day after everyone went home. lol I thought if it was really small then there wouldn't be any dissapointments and it would be really relaxing. Oh well...

Yeah, and I was even more annoyed that my mom was pressuring me to let it be at my house, too, and saying that I was a diva for not wanting it. Meh.

ElcaB · July 2014

I'm sorry. I understand how you feel. This sounds like an excellent excuse to treat yourself, though. Block some time for yourself & splurge on whatever it is that will make you happy, like a day at the spa or an afternoon of sun with your favorite beverage.

PennyBlossom2311 · July 2014

@slothiegal - Ha ha this is not my thing at all! I'm very much "Hey we're getting married! Come have dinner with us and maybe dance a little." My friends and family are all asking about how much fun I'm having planning the wedding...Ummm, I mean, it's ok I guess lol.

I like sweatpants and not planning stuff too! Add in some wine and I'll be happy as can be! I am totally down for a "celebration-of-bachelorette-parties-not-working-out-as-planned party!

@ElcaB - I'm thinking I may be purchasing a tiny pool and a lawn chair for my backyard...I will then lay out with mimosa supploes and have a pool party for one!

jenajjthr · July 2014

Like I tell my kids, you have every right to your feelings. You have every right to be upset. I'd be upset and hurt too. I'd probably have a drink (or two) and shed a tear (or two) as well. It's how we act upon our feelings that counts. You can be upset, you just can't show your upset, which you know. Lots of hugs your way. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted.

summerbride2015 · July 2014

I just had my bachelorette this past weekend. All of the girls came to my condo because some flew in from across the country and I didn't want them to have to pay for a hotel. It also worked out well for the local girls because they all love my rooftop pool and there are fun places to go out near me. My FI went away with his guy friends the same weekend so we could have the condo. The girls planned and paid for everything so I consider them the hosts. I still have to clean up now that it is over but cleaning up was totally worth it to be able to have that time with them. Maybe you could have a girls only pool day or spa day?

LadyMillil · July 2014

I know how you feel. I'm not a huge fan of showers and logistically, it didn't make sense to have a shower, so I knew I wouldn't be having one. But I was still sad when I saw pictures of my sister's shower on FB.

lc07 · July 2014

I would be very disappointed as well. I'm sensitive so I would have reacted the way you did (very politely) and then cried privately.

Do you like doing things on your own? I know it's not the same but I'm totally happy to go out to eat at a restaurant by myself or take a trip alone that is relaxing and involves fun things like a mani/pedi/massage overnight stay with a rad pool, a good dinner etc.

Take yourself away! I would totally do it.

pumpkinsandturkeys · July 2014

A little late to the party, but I just saw this thread now.

A small bachelorette was being planned for me, and ended up falling through for various reasons -- mostly due to very, very poor planning. I'm talking inconvenient location for 99% of the invitees (and me!), too close to the wedding, they didn't tell anyone far enough in advance that it was going to be a full weekend affair... It was a nightmare. The worst part was, I ended up having to be the one to call it off once I found out about it... a week before it was scheduled to happen. I wasn't too broken up about it at the time because I didn't think I even cared to have one.

Various people offered to throw me a dinner, etc. instead, but I declined. I never felt the need to have a bachelorette, or a lot of the 'traditional' wedding things. We've been married for about six weeks now, and part of me kind of wishes I had had one, but I don't really know what I feel I was missing out on, because I can go out with my sisters and girlfriends any time -- why does it have to be before my wedding?

Angusaur · July 2014

I have hosted or helped plan/been involved/helped fund or just showed up and had an amazing time at many of my friends baby and wedding showers, and bachelorette parties. I did this because I wanted to, and not because of what I might expect in return. That said, I will be sad and feel a little stung if I don't get a shower or bach party. Not because I'm entitled, but because its nice to know your friends and family think about you as much as you think about them.

I know, I'm not entitled....but it does still kinda suck

Re: I know, I'm not entitled....but it does still kinda suck

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