How do you tell some guests not to bring gifts because they already attended my first wedding

Re: How do you tell some guests not to bring gifts because they already attended my first wedding

• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  bcydney said:

  I recently got engaged and am planning our wedding.  I have been previously married once before but my fiance has not.  We are registering because I know his friends, his family, and my friends (that I have met after I got divorced) will want to bring gifts.  I have invited my family, but do not want them to bring gifts, as they have already done that for me once before.  I'm not quite sure how to go about this.  My plan is to personally contact my family and friends that went to my previous wedding and tell them that their presence and love is all that is desired.  But I feel like I need to tell them that we are registered b/c I also don't want them to show up and see others bringing presents and wonder why.  Any suggestions how to do this without offending people??

  I would decline any and all offers for bridal showers (these are gift giving events). 

  
  

  As far as making an announcement, it's against etiquette to put anything about this on the invitation (even "no gifts" or any variation thereof). I would advise against proactively calling people about this. People will ask you. They'll ask you where you're registered. At this time, you can tell them you truly do not need or want anything and you're just looking forward to spending time with them at the reception.

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• tammym1001 member

  

  July 2014

  If they want to bring gifts, let them bring gifts. If they don't want to get you a gift because they got you one for your first wedding then they won't.

  
  

  Story time: I went to a 50th birthday party last week. The invitation said "no gifts please". DH wanted to get a gift and I said no they asked for no gifts so there probably won't even be anywhere to put them. Sure enough we got there and everyone was bringing gifts and they even had a table for them. We felt like asses because we listened to their instructions and nobody else did.

  
  

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• bcydney member

  

  July 2014

  Thank you both for your replies!  Greatly appreciated!!
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  July 2014

  I'd also recommend a small registry. It sounds like you likely don't need much and are likely both "established". A small registry with a few fun things or a few upgrades is good for the people that want to provide a boxed gift. My fiance was also previously married and divorced and this was the route we took.

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• IrishPirate60 member

  

  July 2014

  YOU may have been married before, but this is a new relationship. Let people celebrate. Honestly, I could use your logic to suggest my sister only gets hand-me-downs and never anything new!
  
  Let people be generous.
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  July 2014

  If people want to give you a gift, let them.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  July 2014

  I think it's great that you're not hoping for lavish gifts! Good for you, however, people who want to give gifts do so out of love, so let them. 

  
  

  I, personally, do side eye bridal showers for second marriages, so I would advise not to have one, but I know that this is not the most popular opinion. The basis for my opinion is under the assumption you have a basically fully stocked home. I also feel this way for people who have lived together forever and have what they need. 

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• melbenso member

  

  July 2014

  I would give a gift for a friend's second wedding.  Probably cash (which is what I usually give) rather than a boxed gift.  Just because they've been married before doesn't mean I can't give them presents.
  
  As PP said, don't worry about it.  People who want to give you gifts will.  People who don't, won't.
  

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  July 2014

  I'm also planning my second wedding. I did not register. FMIL really wanted me to, but honestly, we don't really need anything. Between the two of us, we have enough. 

  
  

  My family members asked me about a shower. I told them I wasn't having one. And then I told them that because they already attended my first wedding, to please not give me anything. Honestly, it didn't go over well. The responses I got were pretty much, "Your first wedding was 10 years ago." "We want to celebrate this wedding and that means we want to give you and FI a gift". I was really, really concerned about seeming gift-grabby and I didn't want to come off that way to my family. 

  
  

  Anyway, your family members will probably want to give you gifts to celebrate this marriage, even if they already gave you something for your first marriage. So, I wouldn't say anything to them about not giving gifts. 

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