Bridal Shower Vent

Re: Bridal Shower Vent

• photokitty mod

  

  July 2014

  KelseyBelle24 said:

  Hello! This is my first post but I have been looking around for my whole two year engagement. My wedding is 8/2/14 and my bridal shower was on 6/28/14. I have had a lot of small problems with my fils, one of my fi's sisters said some pretty terrible things to me in a text message when I did nothing to warrant it (my fi agrees with this and so do most members of the family). His other sister just ignores me and his mom and dad take their side and no longer try with me. This happens because the sisters no longer control my fi and can't take advantage of him. He is also the black sheep of his family, I think his mom never wanted a son so she only pays attention to the girls. They are also upset that his sisters are not in the wedding as bridesmaids (I am only having two) or singing. After multiple problems my MOH who is also my sister and mother decided to let them hold the bridal shower since it was going to be all their family. The wedding is also 75% their side and my family didn't want to pay for two parties for them (the wedding and bridal shower). They seemed happy to do it and did a fine job with it, the problem comes that his mom or sisters only said hello and goodbye to me the ignored me the rest of the time. The family also has a tradition to create a booklet out of all of the cards. I did not get a say or was even asked if this would be okay they declared it and took my cards. I was oak with it in the end because I was happy they were trying. They ended up spilling wine on my cards twice. Both times my sister's card got the worst of it. They never apologized or the sister that spilled didn't even say goodbye. I am someone that saves all my cards for everything I find them special, my mother also has all of her bridal cards and baby shower cards and finds them precious because they are from people who are no longer with us. They also refuse to talk about the wedding or ask any questions, they are holding the rehearsal dinner and want to make it almost as big as the wedding, without inviting my out of town guest or my grandparents. I am really worried they are going to spill on me on my wedding day or do other things to ruin it. My fi has already talked to his sisters multiple times and they just blow him off. I really want him to talk to his mom one more time before the wedding. 

  Let it go. They sound awful. If you see them holding wine, avoid them. It shouldn't be hard since they might only say hello and not even goodbye.

  
  

  Do not say anything to them before hand. I would not have FI say anything as it will probably only antagonize them.

  
  

  They can not ruin your wedding day if you don't let them. Things will go wrong. Someone might spill on your dress, it happens...I got splashed with a chocolate martini. It wasn't the end of the world. DH and I still got married and that's what really matters

  
  

  GL! And just relax.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• Lauderdale Pink member

  

  July 2014

  I think that it is rude, beyond excuse, to exclude your grandparents from the rehearsal dinner.  I can often look away from many things, but would have to put my foot down on this one.  If I am reading correctly, your parents have paid for the wedding, which is 75% their side.  Did you give them a guest limit or tell them not to include FIs grandparents?  I could look away from the petty, spilled wine issue, but would have to step up about the rehearsal dinner.  As the MOB, if my children's FILs did that, trust me, I would not be at the rehearsal dinner.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  You don't have to accept their invitation to host your RD. You can decline and either host your own or not have a rehearsal/RD at all. It sounds like you have a very small WP, so unless your ceremony is complicated, you don't need to have a rehearsal (thus, no need for RD). I would probably go the no-RD-at-all route just to avoid further conflict.

  
  

  I'm sorry about the cards from your bridal shower, but I would let it go. There is literally nothing you can do at this point, except learn and hold tight to the cards from your wedding.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2014

  Lauderdale Pink said:

  I think that it is rude, beyond excuse, to exclude your grandparents from the rehearsal dinner.  I can often look away from many things, but would have to put my foot down on this one.  If I am reading correctly, your parents have paid for the wedding, which is 75% their side.  Did you give them a guest limit or tell them not to include FIs grandparents?  I could look away from the petty, spilled wine issue, but would have to step up about the rehearsal dinner.  As the MOB, if my children's FILs did that, trust me, I would not be at the rehearsal dinner.

  There is no etiquette requirement that grandparents be hosted at a rehearsal dinner unless they have roles in the ceremony besides just watching it (e.g., the bride's grandfather is walking her down the aisle).  The only people who have to be there are the couple, the officiants, the wedding party members, immediate family members, and their SOs.  Grandparents don't fall in that category unless they are also wedding party members or officiants, so it's not rude to exclude them if they are not.

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• Lauderdale Pink member

  

  July 2014

  @Jen4948-Honestly, were you raised by wolves?  Between your constant use of profanity on these boards and your total disregard for respect to family, I can't imagine why you think anybody is interested in your foolishness.  Of course grandparents should be given the respect of an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, especially if the groom's family has all been included.  The bride's out of town guests have also been excluded.  By all means, continue to express your own social ignorance and we can use that as the guide for "what not to do at a wedding"

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• Jen4948 member

  

  July 2014

  Lauderdale Pink said:

  @Jen4948-Honestly, were you raised by wolves?  Between your constant use of profanity on these boards and your total disregard for respect to family, I can't imagine why you think anybody is interested in your foolishness.  Of course grandparents should be given the respect of an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, especially if the groom's family has all been included.  The bride's out of town guests have also been excluded.  By all means, continue to express your own social ignorance and we can use that as the guide for "what not to do at a wedding"

  
  

  Sorry, but I was not raised by wolves and I'm not the most profane person on these boards, and you know something?  It's not a violation of the TOS to curse here. As for rehearsal dinners, you seem to lack knowledge of what they are supposed to be.  They are not "family reunions."

  
  

  For the OP and other readers, not @Lauderdale Pink: They are not held to entertain family and out-of-town guests-they are held as thanks to the persons actually participating in the wedding ceremony for coming to a rehearsal.  Unless grandparents or other family members are actually participating in the wedding party or otherwise performing any other role at the wedding than that of guest, etiquette does not require that they be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  July 2014

  Lauderdale Pink said:

  @Jen4948-Honestly, were you raised by wolves?  Between your constant use of profanity on these boards and your total disregard for respect to family, I can't imagine why you think anybody is interested in your foolishness.  Of course grandparents should be given the respect of an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, especially if the groom's family has all been included.  The bride's out of town guests have also been excluded.  By all means, continue to express your own social ignorance and we can use that as the guide for "what not to do at a wedding"

  The only people who need to be invited to a rehearsal dinner are people who you required to be at the rehearsal/others with a role in the ceremony. If the grandparents don't have a role, they don't need to be invited.

  
  

  Now if neither sets of grandparents are involved in the ceremony (i.e. neither are part of the rehearsal) and the FILs only want to invite their own - excluding OP's grandparents - I think that's pretty rude.

  
  

  My advice of declining their invitation to host still stands.

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• MobKaz member

  

  July 2014

  Lauderdale Pink said:

  @Jen4948-Honestly, were you raised by wolves?  Between your constant use of profanity on these boards and your total disregard for respect to family, I can't imagine why you think anybody is interested in your foolishness.  Of course grandparents should be given the respect of an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, especially if the groom's family has all been included.  The bride's out of town guests have also been excluded.  By all means, continue to express your own social ignorance and we can use that as the guide for "what not to do at a wedding"

  As far as profanity is concerned, the board is filled with variations on that theme.  The point is that you can't control it.  I find it unnecessary most of the time, yet humorous some of the time.  There are a few expressions that make me cringe, but I have chosen to participate on these boards.  I hoist my big girl panties high before signing on to The Knot.  Do you like waffles??
  
  I disagree about grandparents and rehearsal dinners.  As PP's have said, the only guests that must be included are members of the bridal party, and significant others of those guests.
  
  DD's inlaws hosted the rehearsal dinner.  Trust me when I say it was all about THEM and had almost nothing to do with the wedding couple.  The inlaws invited their ENTIRE extended family and OOT guests.  Such an invitation was not extended to my family.  Was it absolutely rude?  You bet.  We chose to make it a non issue because the rehearsal dinner was also not about US.  I would never not attend the RD because of ill mannered behavior on the part of the inlaws.  That would only serve to embarrass my DD and future SIL. 
  

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