Bridal shower invitation confusion

Re: Bridal shower invitation confusion

• MobKaz member

  

  July 2014

  You may NOT invite anyone to a shower that is not invited to the wedding.
  
  If you don't really need anything, then don't create a registry.  However, if you don't create a registry, guests invited to your shower may start asking about gift preferences.  If you truly don't need anything, you can also decline showers.
  
  More often than not, if you do not create a registry, guests will get the hint that perhaps cash is the preferred gift.  However, cash would not be an appropriate gift for a bridal shower.  Word of mouth can also be used to let guests know that cash is a preferred gift for the wedding. 
  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  smokinhotstuff said:

  Hey all,

       I need a bit of help with an etiquette question. My bridal party is throwing me a bridal shower and asking who to invite. I'm feeling conflicted as to who to tell them. On the one side, if I invite the people that are already invited to the wedding, I feel like I am "forcing" them to double gift and they already are "in" on all things wedding related. However, if I invite people that are not invited to the wedding, then I am being rude asking them to come to a shower but not inviting them to the wedding. I am a preschool teacher paying for the wedding on my own in a town that I have lived in for over 26 years and am highly involved in. I simply couldn't invite everyone I would have wanted there. It is a relatively small wedding and reception in my back yard. However, there are many people that I would like to include in the wedding excitement even though they didn't make "the short list" of invitations. So, what does etiquette say? Who am I supposed to invite to the bridal shower? Is it wrong to invite people to a shower knowing that they aren't invited to the wedding? Also, my future husband and I are combining two well established homes and really don't need any more "stuff". What is the proper way to let people know that gifts really aren't necessary or needed (yet money would be a huge blessing to help fund a honeymoon). Any thoughts are greatly appreciated! 

  ----------------SITB------------- So many things here. First, only those invited to the wedding can be invited to any prewedding party. It's sort of like inviting them for appetizers only and not inviting them for the main entree (or dessert if you lean that way). 

  Second, make the guest list small for the shower: only your nearest and dearest, so that you're not asking a ton of people to double dip. 
  

  Third, most couples have lived on their own and need nothing so you're the rule rather than the exception. Make a small registry of upgrades, like nice new sheets, towels, pots, pans, and such. A small registry is needed for a shower because the whole purpose of a shower is to give gifts.  People will get the hint that you don't need stuff. 

  If you're asked about wedding gifts, however, just say you're pretty well set, but you're saving for a honeymoon. Your close family can repeat that line also, if they are asked about wedding gifts. People will get the hint that you'd like money for wedding gifts. Most people give cash for wedding gifts anyway. 
  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  July 2014

  You may only invite guests to the shower who are also invited to the wedding.  It would be very rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding.

  
  

  Bridal showers are for physical gifts only, not money or gift cards.  So if you want a shower, you should register for some stuff.  Upgrades to your existing things are a good place to start.
  

  
  

  You may NOT ask for money, for either your shower or your wedding.  Everyone knows money is a good gift, you don't need to ask for it.  Just don't have a registry or have only a small registry, and if people ask you what to get (only if you are asked), say, "We don't need any new items, but we are saving for our honeymoon."

  
  

  It sounds like the solution to your issue is to decline any offers of a bridal shower.  That way you don't feel awkward for inviting/excluding people, and you don't get "stuff" you don't need.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• peachy13 member

  

  July 2014

  Ditto what JCbride said... upgrade your existing items for your registry if you already have "stuff." The world of registries can go from new pots and pans to fancy towels to a new camping tent. Be creative and think of your favorite stores. However, it may sound like you don't want a shower at all in which case you can certainly decline the offer.

  
  

  If you are going to have the shower, don't feel bad about inviting people who are also attending the wedding just for the sake of "double gifting." I usually expect to be invited to the bridal shower if I'm close to the bride or groom and actually, I find registry gifts and showers themselves to be pretty enjoyable. As for who to invite, I personally plan to invite all the ladies on my wedding guest list.

  
  
  
  

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• peachy13 member

  

  July 2014

  and obviously don't invite people to the shower who are not on your wedding guest list.

  
  
  
  

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• twitterbird member

  

  July 2014

  Correct etiquette is to only invite those who are also invited to the wedding
  

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• smokinhotstuff member

  

  July 2014

  Thanks all!

  
  

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• melbenso member

  

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  PP have already covered who to invite. I ended up declining the shower offers I got because, like you, DH and I already had established a home and had all the things we needed.
  
  We did end up creating a small registry for the wedding of things we wanted to upgrade, for example we decided that our everyday dishes had seen better days and we would like some new ones. We did this primarily because some guests prefer to buy physical gifts, rather than give money. We still ended up with about 85% monetary gifts, 10% registry items, and 5% gift cards. We actually ended up using our registry completion discount to buy more items than we were gifted.
  
  Edit: I can math, I promise

  

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• MollyandD member

  

  July 2014

  Most people just gave a boxed gift at my shower and a card with money at the wedding. Some gave a nice gift at the shower and nothing at the wedding. Others, some family members who are having a difficult time financially, didn't give a gift at either event.

  
  

  It can be awkward to ask people to come to two gift-giving events. I would definitely not invite the same people to multiple showers, but anyone invited to a shower should be invited to the wedding. From there, you have to trust your guests to know what they can and can't afford. 

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