Please don't bring her....

tiffrachelle · July 2014

Hi, everyone!!

I could really use some help right now. Maybe I'm just being selfish... I don't know but here's my issue...

I don't know how to tell my father that I would really appreciate him not bringing along his girlfriend/"baby mama"... Long story short, I'm not really in a good place with my father right now as it is and I honestly don't even know if he's going to show up to my wedding but if he does I don't want her there. Not only would it upset me but then I would have to deal with the drama from my mother...who by the way doesn't get along with my soon to be mother-in-law... did I mention that my mother-in-law hates my soon to be father-in-law? Yeah, a lot of hate going around haha... Needless to say, I want to eliminate as much stress and drama as possible and I know that I don't want my father's girlfriend there. I just don't know how to say it and I don't know if I would be wrong for saying it.

Thoughts? Am I just being selfish? Should I just let her show up? I mean, I'm basically paying for the two most ungrateful people I know to have an amazing day.. ugh....

Help...

Nymeru · July 2014

Honestly, if she's your dad's girlfriend and your dad is invited to the wedding, you have to invite her. Unless you want to be seen as petty and rude (even though you may be very justified in not wanting her there), inviting one half of a dating couple and not the other is terrible etiquette. Do you even want your dad at your wedding? If you don't, then don't invite him and you'll be free of his girlfriend too. Just be prepared for a bigger drama storm than you'd deal with if you did let them both come. It sounds like it's an awkward situation all-round.

banana468 · July 2014

How would you feel if your FI wasn't invited to your dad's wedding? I know a direct snub to DH and me would have us declining the invitation. Do you really want to be rude and put your dad in that situation?

kmmssg · July 2014

Unless there is something serious about this woman you haven't told us you really do need to invite her if you invite your father. They are a couple and a social unit - they need to be invited together.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

tiffrachelle said:

Hi, everyone!!
I could really use some help right now. Maybe I'm just being selfish... I don't know but here's my issue...

I don't know how to tell my father that I would really appreciate him not bringing along his girlfriend/"baby mama"... Long story short, I'm not really in a good place with my father right now as it is and I honestly don't even know if he's going to show up to my wedding but if he does I don't want her there. Not only would it upset me but then I would have to deal with the drama from my mother...who by the way doesn't get along with my soon to be mother-in-law... did I mention that my mother-in-law hates my soon to be father-in-law? Yeah, a lot of hate going around haha... Needless to say, I want to eliminate as much stress and drama as possible and I know that I don't want my father's girlfriend there. I just don't know how to say it and I don't know if I would be wrong for saying it.

Thoughts? Am I just being selfish? Should I just let her show up? I mean, I'm basically paying for the two most ungrateful people I know to have an amazing day.. ugh....

Help...

It sucks, but you need to suck it up and invite them both or don't. Nothing says you have to invite him. They are a social unit. You wouldn't want to be split up from your FI, would you?

The only loophole is if she has threatened or acted upon threats of violence, stolen, etc. Being yours dads "baby mama" doesn't cut it.

AddieCake · July 2014

scribe95 said:

Sounds like you don't want your Dad there so problem solved. Don't invite either of them.

SITB

This. But if you invite your father,it would be inappropriate not to invite his girlfriend.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

Etiquette wise, you invite both of them, or neither of them. There is no in between.

ElcaB · July 2014

You really should invite her as she is in a relationship with your father, whether you like it or not.

Honestly, in many circumstances, people tend to forget the drama for the sake of a special occasion like a wedding. There are also things you can do to improve the situation, like seat those with friction in their relationships far away from each other.

climbingsingle · July 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

Etiquette wise, you invite both of them, or neither of them. There is no in between.

This.

And really, all of these people can't just act like adults for one day?

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

My dad's gf is the "other woman" and I've never had a good relationship with her. Ever. However, if I wanted dad at the wedding (and I really didn't, but it seemed like the right thing to do), I knew I had to invite the gf. I ended up wishing neither of them were there, as there was so much drama. So, I think it's all or nothing- you invite them both and talk to them about your apprehensions or you don't invite either of them and hope the other drama with the FILs is unfounded (or have your FI talk it out with them!)

danamw · July 2014

The important thing is, seating. Seat everyone who "hates" each other, and wherever there is going to be "drama" , as far apart as possible. Divorce, restarting relationships, inlaw hatred, it is all part of life. Having events where everyone is crammed into the same room is part of it. Just hope everyone is icily polite to each other, if they even have to speak. The man is your father, you don't get to pick, he is what you got. Forego the traditional seating arrangements in the ceremony venue, and the reception tables.

lyndausvi · July 2014

Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL

Mom hates Dad's GF

FMIL hates FFIL

You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL
Mom hates Dad's GF
FMIL hates FFIL
You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

This is where my head is at as well.

Short of eloping, with a choice between neither or both, I'd invite neither.

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

lyndausvi said:
Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL
Mom hates Dad's GF
FMIL hates FFIL
You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

Exactly why I eloped the second time!

loveislouder · July 2014

My FMIL and FFIL divorced when FI was ...4? And they haven't spoken a word to each other since then. But we sat them both down, asked how they felt about it and they both said this day is about us, getting married, and they would never do anything to jeopardize what the day means to US. That was probably the first thing they agreed upon in 20 years.

My point is - if your parents, FIL's, whoever can't put their drama aside for one day for the sake of you and your FI, they have a lot of growing up to do.

atlastmrsg · July 2014

^ What she said. Have lunches with each of your parents and talk it through like adults.

cowgirl8238 · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL
Mom hates Dad's GF
FMIL hates FFIL
You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

This was my thought too!!! Honestly OP it is your choice. You can invite (or not invite) whoever, but etiquette wise you cannot split up a couple. Just be prepared that if you don't invite someone (like dad and his "baby mama" it may lead to more drama.

If you don't want to elope and want everyone at the wedding, seat them far apart.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL
Mom hates Dad's GF
FMIL hates FFIL
You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

Hear hear!

WildMagelet · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

Let me get this straight,

Mom hates FMIL
Mom hates Dad's GF
FMIL hates FFIL
You are on so-so terms with dad

Eloping sounds pretty good to me.

Anyway, I'm in the invite dad and gf or do not invite either of them camp.

GL

Lynda is wise!

Invite both or neither of them. Couples are all-or-nothing unless there's threats/violence/etc. I don't like him/her is not a good enough excuse to split up couples.

Jen4948 · July 2014

Unfortunately, you cannot invite one half of a couple and not the other.

Your father and his GF have to be invited together, even if you and your mother don't like that.

As far as drama goes, I'd seat all these people separately, not take photos with them together in the same photo, and have security on hand to escort out anyone, including your father and his GF or your FMIL or FFIL, should they behave inappropriately.

beharrington · July 2014

Jen4948 said:

Unfortunately, you cannot invite one half of a couple and not the other.

Your father and his GF have to be invited together, even if you and your mother don't like that.

As far as drama goes, I'd seat all these people separately, not take photos with them together in the same photo, and have security on hand to escort out anyone, including your father and his GF or your FMIL or FFIL, should they behave inappropriately.

The bolded is what we did with MIL and FIL's girlfriend. We also warned MIL in advance that she would be escorted out if she started anything with any of the people she didn't want at the wedding.

hellohkb · July 2014

You can't invite one without the other. Can you talk to your parents ahead of time and ask them to please set aside the family drama? I know it's a long shot, but maybe they will be willing to set aside their differences.

Also, I guarantee that you will be enjoying yourself so much at your wedding that your FMIL's presence will not upset you.

Please don't bring her....

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