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plus ones for the bridal party

ppirozzippirozzi member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
question. a groomsman/bf has a gf for 2 months now and we have only met her once. by the wedding if they're still together, it'll be 6 months for them. my FH has told him that if he doesn't get to know her more by the wedding, she's not invited as a +1. all hell broke out and they're mad at each other. he's sticking by that he doesn't want a stranger at the head table with us just for the purpose of +1 convenience. he also gave him the option of leaving the bridal party if he wants. i don't agree with any of it and think it's rude, but every time we talk about it he stands his ground. please help.
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Re: plus ones for the bridal party

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Your fiance was wrong and owes his groomsman an apology. How dare he tell his friend he needs to get to know his girlfriend before she is invited to the wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    First off, a SO is not a plus one. A SO should be invited by name. If he doesn't want someone he barely knows at the head table, why don't you guys invite them over for dinner and get to know the girlfriend better?
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    slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Wow. I don't blame the GM for being mad. Your FI needs to grow up and apologize. Tell him to think about it from the other side: if he was in the wedding party for a friend, but was told that you weren't invited, how would he feel?
    Anniversary

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    meechellebellemeechellebelle member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Very rude of your fiancé. You need to let him know that all SOs get invited. Hell, I still haven't met one of our groomsmen! Who cares if he doesn't know her well enough? It has nothing to do with your wedding.
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So basically, your FI is willing to jeopardize a friendship with one of his groomsman over the possibility of a woman he doesn't know at the head table? That's ridiculous. 

    Tell him again to apologize and that all SO's need to be invited. Ask him if this is really worth ruining a friendship over. Unfortunately, I'm not sure there's much you can do beyond that.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Your FI was acting like the spokesperson for Asshats of America. He's dead wrong and owes the GM an apology.

    This is one of those times I'd say, "You're out of line. You can fix this or I can fix it but I'm not going to stand by and support you in this. "
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    So, if your FI wants to 'get to know her better' before the wedding, what's he doing to accomplish that?

     Has he invited the two of them to join you for dinner or drinks sometime?  What effort has he made on this?  Yeah, he's being incredibly rude (I'm surprised the GM didn't drop out on the spot), but he can't dump all the blame on the GM. Now, if the GM is basically keeping her hidden and declining all invitations to meet up, that's one thing.  But if he wants to get to know her, he needs to make the effort to do it.
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    RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ppirozzi said:
    question. a groomsman/bf has a gf for 2 months now and we have only met her once. by the wedding if they're still together, it'll be 6 months for them. my FH has told him that if he doesn't get to know her more by the wedding, she's not invited as a +1. all hell broke out and they're mad at each other. he's sticking by that he doesn't want a stranger at the head table with us just for the purpose of +1 convenience. he also gave him the option of leaving the bridal party if he wants. i don't agree with any of it and think it's rude, but every time we talk about it he stands his ground. please help.
    JIC.

    Print these responses out and show them to your FI. If he doesn't bend a little, good luck with him if you ever have differing opinions on something. 
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ppirozzi said:

    question. a groomsman/bf has a gf for 2 months now and we have only met her once. by the wedding if they're still together, it'll be 6 months for them. my FH has told him that if he doesn't get to know her more by the wedding, she's not invited as a +1. all hell broke out and they're mad at each other. he's sticking by that he doesn't want a stranger at the head table with us just for the purpose of +1 convenience. he also gave him the option of leaving the bridal party if he wants. i don't agree with any of it and think it's rude, but every time we talk about it he stands his ground. please help.

    Your FI is being an ass. Tell him you don't want to sit with an ass at your head table, and that you will happily sit with the groomsmen and his GF, as *you will* be inviting her by name to your wedding. If he has a problem with that, tell him to enjoy standing up at the altar by himself all day.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    chasseusechasseuse member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    It is very rude. And a bit silly. I wouldn't recognize the best man in my wedding if he walked through my front door. (He lives in a completely different part of the country and I've never gotten a chance to sit down with him face to face. Obviously, my FI knows him really well.)

    The bigger concern is that your FI doesn't seem willing to compromise here. It's a bit of a red flag. You and he need to sit down and talk about it. It's one thing if he's being stubborn and is embarrassed to back down (you can help him through that silliness) but if he truly believes that and won't even listen to your side of things, you need to have a serious conversation about marriage and compromise!
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    MNVegasMNVegas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Your FI is being a total JACKASS!! 

    He needs to call his friend to apologize and let him know that his girlfriend is welcome at your wedding. If your FI is unwilling to do this then you and FI have some serious issues that you need to address.
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I didn't even meet my mother-in-law until our rehearsal dinner. Maybe we shouldn't have let her come to the wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ppirozzi said:
    question. a groomsman/bf has a gf for 2 months now and we have only met her once. by the wedding if they're still together, it'll be 6 months for them. my FH has told him that if he doesn't get to know her more by the wedding, she's not invited as a +1. all hell broke out and they're mad at each other. he's sticking by that he doesn't want a stranger at the head table with us just for the purpose of +1 convenience. he also gave him the option of leaving the bridal party if he wants. i don't agree with any of it and think it's rude, but every time we talk about it he stands his ground. please help.
    Your FI is being a jerk.  His friend should take the "option" of removing himself from not only the bridal party, but this friendship. 
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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Wow. If I were the GM, I'd remove myself from your Fi's life. He's being completely rediculous. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    How would your FI have felt if he were asked to be a groomsman but told he couldn't bring you to the wedding unless and until the couple got to know you better?

    Your FI owes his groomsman and his fiancee an apology and an invitation for the fiancee.  But it wouldn't surprise me if, after such rudeness, they didn't accept either one-and the groomsman dropped out.
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    OnionBreathOnionBreath member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I agree that the groomsman is owed an apology and an invitation for his girl. 

    He's not a very good friend if the special person in his life has no place at your table.
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