Hello everyone!
I have a MOH and 4 bridesmaids, and one of my BM just told me that she can't afford to attend my bachelorette getaway this October. Granted, she just got married last month, and I understand that she is recovering from the expenses. We have budgeted $300-$500 for a girls' casual weekend getaway, so I understood that it's necessary to do some saving. Nonetheless, imagine my disappointment when I go online and I see her posting on Facebook that she's in Disneyland. I'm extremely disappointed that she could afford to go to Disneyland but she can't make an effort (or even sacrifice) to save and attend my bachelorette. We've been best friends for over 10 years, so I just can't understand why she would lie to me. Let's also take into account that I spent nearly $700 attending her out of town wedding and being a bridesmaid as well. I don't mean to make this all about money, but this really bothers me. Should I confront her about it or just let it go? Your advice is appreciated!
Re: Bridesmaid lied about inability to afford attending bachelorette party...
You are friends, but how she spends her money is NOT your business.
Saying "I can't afford it" means "I cannot OR do not choose to spend my money that way".
It does not mean "Even if I eat cat food and sleep on a park bench, I don't have the cash"--it means that she doesn't choose to spend her money in the way and that was the reason she gave--you don't get to pry into the depths of what math she has done in her life to afford things.
(FWIW, I'm going to Disney this fall, because the trip is a gift. Even if it weren't a gift, I might conceivably choose to spend my money to go to disney for the trip I WANT to take than to spend it on a weekend getaway that I may not want. The reasons I might make that choice are myriad and have to do with a lot more than just cash)
How you choose to spend YOUR money has nothing to do with how she chooses to spend hers. (and if you are going to use the way you spent your money as a bludgeoning weapon in a battle with your friend, you were better off not choosing to spend it that way.)
You have the right to be disappointed she isn't coming to your weekend. And that's it.
So anyway be glad it's just your bacehlorette and not your wedding.
Would you feel less hurt if she had told you upfront that she couldn't afford it because she'd already paid for a trip to Disneyland and therefore wouldn't have enough money left over for the bachelorette weekend?
OMG I can just imagine this conversation. Please, please do not confront her about her decision to take a trip. Everyone has priorities and for her, she would rather go to Disney (with her family? significant other? whoever) than spend that money on a bachelorette party. Of course you think your bachelorette party is more important, but she doesn't. That's her choice. I am sure that in the long list of alllll the things you could spend your money on, some things are more important than others.
Maybe your friend has had this trip in the works for awhile. Maybe someone paid for her to go. Maybe she just picked up and went on a whim. It doesn't matter, because she gets to decide how she spends her time and money.
It was an extremely sucky conversation to have with the bride who thought I should just whip out the credit card and go for the bachelorette weekend because she would do it if it were me. I also found it to be very judgmental that she thought she knew my financial situation better then I did. Don't be that bride.
I am going to one in September that will probably cost me $600-$700 and I am really pumped to go. Luckily, I can afford it. But the planners of it are being completely transparent about the cost and if I had declined, they would have said nothing.
I am doing a party the Thursday before my wedding at a local salon. Total cost? Probably less than $50 per person. I think at least one person can't afford to come. Am I judging her for that? Not a chance. That 50 bucks is hers to do with what she pleases.
As a bride who has 2 bridesmaids who can’t make her bachelorette or shower (same weekend) I feel your same disappointment. One works for a college and work in athletics and its one of the first weekends of the semester. The other is going to be starting a new job soon and won’t have much PTO if any. You just have to move on. My sister when she got married had 2 of her bridesmaids who couldn’t make it either. It happens. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
1. Wow, that's a hugely expensive bachelorette party. Even if I had the available funds, I seriously doubt I would shell out that much cash, just because that's a huge chunk out of savings.
2. Your BM is not obligated to attend, and you have no right to confront her if she says she can't come. Her job is to stand up with you at the wedding, which, assuming you handle this properly, she'll still be willing to do.
3. You don't know her financial situation. Saying she lied to you about her situation, which is none of your business anyway, comes off as incredibly judgmental.
4. How you should handle this, IMHO:
Recognize that you're in the wrong here
Never, EVER bring this up to her.
Tell her that you understand that she can't make it, and that you will miss her.
Schedule something fun, and reasonably priced, for the two of you to do together, just for fun.
Get over it. Period.
i could never see spending 500 for a weekend getaway to expensive.
Honestly, it's not your business how your friend chooses to spend her money. Her priorities are different than yours. Your BP is hugely important to you, but it's probably not top priority in her world.
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