Wedding Etiquette Forum

Lost gift

I purchased a wedding gift for a friend from their registry.  I personally shipped the item to the couple's apartment complex, and received a delivery confirmation email from UPS.  Several months after the wedding, the friend mentioned that they noticed I purchased the gift off their registry, but they never received it.  We've tried contacting their apartment complex, as well as UPS, and the package cannot be found.  The package had insurance, but UPS is not willing to honor that because they have a "confirmed delivery."  The apartment complex says they have no idea.  So I guess we have to assume that the package was stolen from the apartment complex.  Anyway... point of this whole story is, what is the etiquette here?  This is a very good friend and I hate the thought of them not having received our gift, but it would be very expensive to replace this gift (it was a lot of money to spend the first time around, let alone to duplicate that cost).  But is the proper thing for me to suck it up and buy and send the gift again (to a more secure address this time)?  The selfish part of me feels like it's not my responsibility considering I have a delivery confirmation... but I don't want to be rude.  Has anyone run into this issue before?  What would you do?

Re: Lost gift

  • You do not have to buy a new gift. 

    Not sure on this, but if you had insured the package, don't they need a signed delivery? I'd complain to UPS again. Talk to someone else. They delivered it, but the recipients did not receive it. That's on them. 

     Whose to say someone at UPS didn't steal it. (This happened a couple years ago around Christmas time.)  Or a neighbor signed for it, and took it.  I had a neighbor (who I did not know) come up to me one day at my old house, and say UPS asked her to sign for my package.  Obviously, this neighbor was honest, but I didn't know her. And she lived in a different house, not even upstairs from me or something.  That's not ok. And if I had complained that I didn't get something, was UPS going to say, well we have a signed delivery.
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  • The delivery company isn't liable for these types of things. If the package was stolen, tell the store you purchased it from.  Most bigger stores will replace it for free, and since it was off a registry, I'm sure there isn't a time limit to tell them about it. 

    The couple may want to report it to the police too, it's rare that it's an isolated incident, and could help an ongoing investigation or start one if there isn't already.  


  • Did you buy the gift using a credit card?  If so, and the store and UPS will not work with you to replace the gift, dispute the charge on your credit card account as "never delivered to intended recipient."  The credit card company would likely step in then and either get the store/UPS to replace it or refund your money and go after the store for the money it paid them.
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  • If you purchased the shipping with a credit card, your credit card company may also be willing to get involved and advocate for you.  I agree with PPs too that you may want to escalate your complaint at UPS since it's been several months and the package has not been found.

    I do not think replacing the gift is necessary, unless you can comfortably afford the cost.  I might consider doing something small for the couple's first anniversary.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    I'm thinking that if UPS has a signed delivery receipt from the apartment complex employee, then that's the person/entity responsible. That's who you need to start with. UPS should be able to give you a proof of delivery signature with the person's last name spelled out, even if it's illegible. That's how it worked at one of my previous employers.
  • edited July 2014
    Ditto the suggestion to check with your credit card, if you used one... you may have some purchase protection to fall back on. 

    ETA: but I would not replace the gift if you can't afford it until and unless you get some kind of compensation or replacement for it. It's really not your responsibility, as unfortunate of a situation as it is.

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  • Escalate the complaint with UPS. I've had to do that with a missing package before, and they were able to provide the name of the person who signed for it. In my case, it wasn't me, anyone I know, or anyone at my apartment office.  After UPS, I went through the company I purchased from. They sent out the item again (this time using a different carrier and I had it sent to my parents house, where I knew someone would be there to sign) and then they went through UPS to get reimbursed. I didn't have to worry about it after that.  If you don't get resolution through UPS or the business, I'd then go to my credit card company and dispute the charge, based on the fact that the recipient never got the item. You should get this worked out one of these ways. And no, don't purchase it again. You did everything right, so the store should replace it for you.
  • AnnndreaaaaaAnnndreaaaaa member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I'm the store manager of a UPS Store and I think you were a little bit misinformed by whoever you spoke with. Just because a package shows as "delivered" doesn't mean that you can't open a loss claim on it. Purchasing insurance on a package at any value under $1,000 does not mean that it must be signed for. On another note, all UPS packages are insured up to $100 (as long as they are packaged properly) for loss and damage. Additional insurance could be purchased if required. Your package is insured up to $100 for loss no matter what. When you track the package, it should tell you more than "confirmed delivery". It should say who, if anyone, signed for the package. If the package was not signed for, it should say where it was left (front porch, inside door, main office, etc). If it was left somewhere other than "main office" it would be fairly easy to dispute that the package was never received or was stolen. If the package was signed for by someone at the apartment complex office, which is usually the case for apartment complexes, UPS most likely wouldn't honor a claim and it would be up to the apartment complex or manager of the complex to handle it from there. When delivering to apartment complexes, it's typical of a UPS driver to attempt to deliver to the specific apartment. If they are unable to deliver the package directly to the receiver, they would most likely not leave the package outside of the building. The UPS driver is responsible for the package, no matter what the value, and it is up to his discretion as to whether or not he leaves the package without a signature (under $1,000 is not required for signature). Most drivers are not comfortable leaving the package outside of apartment buildings and would either leave a note on the door or bring it to the main office. If you shipped your package from a UPS Store, you should first contact the store. The UPS Store is actually the “sender” and it would be up to the sender to start a loss claim. If you used your own account information, you would want to call 1-800-PICK-UPS to begin a loss claim.
  • I tried really hard with paragraphs. Thanks TK.
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