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Aunt/Uncle want to pay for cocktail hour at non-alcoholic wedding...

arosboroarosboro member
10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Reception Forum
Hi Ladies, 

Okay, we are having a 1pm outdoor ceremony, immediately followed by a BBQ, and dessert reception on site.  We are not having alcohol as my fiance's family are baptists and do not drink, not to mention the county was a dry county up until 2 years ago and having alcohol at the city owned venue isn't easily (or cheaply) accomplished.  
That's fine with me, so we are not having alcohol at the wedding itself.
However, we have arranged for out of town guests to stay in San Antonio at an affordable hotel near the riverwalk so that they (mostly my side of the family down from Canada which will be max 15 ppl) will be able to have a small get together if they wish at the hotel or go out to a restaurant together for drinks that evening.  

SO - my Aunt and Uncle right off the bat made it clear that they wanted to pay for a cocktail reception of some kind at my wedding and that would be my gift.  I am extremely grateful for them to have offered this, however now I feel that I need to arrange for a after-wedding cocktail reception for the select few Canadian guests (mostly themselves and their kids) who will be attending it.  There would probably only be 15 people maximum.  Myself and my fiance would not be able to attend as we will be leaving for our honeymoon. Just the same as most of his friends/family will not attend because they do not condone drinking. So, while I appreciate their offer, I see it somewhat as a waste of money that very few of the wedding guests apart from themselves would benefit from.  I'm wondering if I ask politely, if it would be fair to thank them for their offer to do this, but would really appreciate it and could use that generous contribution to help cover expenses more in another area - such as towards the seating expenses or flowers.  

Thoughts - I'm looking for any opinions here - honestly.  
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Re: Aunt/Uncle want to pay for cocktail hour at non-alcoholic wedding...

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unfortunately, I think there is no polite way to ask that a gift of money that has been earmarked by the giver for a specific purpose be reallocated for another purpose determined by the recipient. All one can do is decline the gift, earmark and all. So I'd tell your aunt and uncle that while you're very grateful for their offer, unfortunately, there isn't going to be a cocktail reception at your wedding. Whether or not the gift can be otherwise used has to stay in their court.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    1.  Dry weddings are perfectly proper.  You have decided to have one.  Stick to it.
    2.  You are under NO obligation to provide alcohol after your wedding.
    3.  You Aunt and Uncle have graciously offered to pay for a cocktail hour.  Because you are having a dry wedding, you will not have one.  Therefore you must politely decline the offer, explaining your decision.
    4.  Do not suggest that your Aunt and Uncle give you money for other parts of your wedding.  They didn't offer that to you.  They might, but don't count on it.
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  • arosboroarosboro member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    okay - thanks Girls. I was never going to ask them specifically for cash, rather tell them that if they wanted to chip in for another expense that would be wonderful. thanks :)
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I agree with Jen.  You can politely decline the offer of the cocktail party but you can't ask them to pay for something else instead.  They may then offer to pay for something else or they may go back to whatever gift they were going to give you prior to having this idea.  

    Also, they may decide to organize something on their own separate from your wedding.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Thanks for the generous offer, but we've decided against having any alcohol at the wedding itself."  

    If they want to host drinks or something for the rest of the guests that evening, that's their call.  If they want to give you money towards something else instead, they'll offer.  
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