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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Writing our own vows-HELP

Ok, so we thought of an adorable idea for writing our vows. Over the years we have given each other cards, birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, etc. But we always joke about how perfect the words are. So we were going to use the cards we gave each other and come up with our own vows. Mine turned into a mini letter from me to him. Is this acceptable? If I say mine and he says his, our officiant will still ask "do you take this man..." I'm just starting to read now where that is all wrong. Vows are supposed to be I promise this, I swear this, whereas mine is more like a love letter. I know it's my wedding, and we can do what we want, but is this crazy. I haven't been to too many weddings before. 

Re: Writing our own vows-HELP

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Wedding vows are supposed to be actual vows (like promises) not a love letter.  You can certainly write your FI a love letter any time you please.  Perhaps you could have a letter delivered to him on the morning of the wedding.  
  • Like pp said vows are promises. You can certainly use those cards and letters as inspiration but it shouldn't be a speech about how much you love your FI.  If you are having a religious ceremony did you clear writing your own vows with your officiant?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Also, you need to make sure that your vows include a "declaration of intent" or any other wording required by your jurisdiction to recognize them as legal.
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    During our ceremony, we are having a "love letter" portion where we just speak to each other from the heart. Then we are doing traditional vows. I felt that this was a good route for us because we get to put our personal touch on it while still saying the vows that we think are meaningful.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Personally I dont like personalized vows. The in sickness and health/ better or worse covers pretty much everything. And personally vows tend to try to be funny/ cute and they rarely are.

    If you do decdie to do personal vows, please dont include any inside jokes or stories.

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  • I did my own vows also, and I also felt like mine were more of a story than promises.  I actually found a service here on The Knot (where I found pretty much everything-lol) called Your Perfect Words (http://www.yourperfectwords.com/).  Basically they help you put together vows.  I wasn't sure at first b/c I wanted the vows to come from me, but it actually was great because she took what I wanted to say and actually turned into more of what I had in mind.  I then had her work on my dad's speech too because that was needing serious help.  Anyway, thought it might be worth you checking out.
  • My officiant actually advised against it.
    He said he did a wedding once where the bride read a very very long, sappy, letter-style set of vows, and the groom said "I love you, you're hot, I'm glad we are getting married". 
    We looked at less traditional vows and went with more of a "I promise to.." set of vows.
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    We thought about writing our own vows, but then we read the vows from our officiant's script we realized that they really sum up everything we could possibly want to say, so we decided to just go with that and avoid the awkwardness that comes from needing to read written vows. Repeat after me will work for us just fine. At the end we will still be married and our vows will be perfect.

    Does your officiant have standard vows that you could tweak? I agree with others that vows are not a love letter and should not be read as such.
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  • we decided to write our own. as we still have a year to go, I have no clue what his are, but mine include humor, as well as how i feel about him, i briefly added a promise to support him through our lives in whatever we do, but mainly mine are like a love letter.
  • You can incorporate the love letter into your vows. You could say

  • We originally wanted to write our own vows, but then it felt like there was an added pressure of making sure they were comparable and that they were actual vows. Instead, we googled "non-traditional vows" and pieced together vows that we would both recite. They were personal and unique to us, but not sappy love letters without promises. And the pressure was off! Good luck!
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