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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Seeing A Friend Who Isn't Invited?

Hi all- this is my first time posting on these boards but I've enjoyed reading up on all y'alls conversations over the past few months of my engagement!

My question is this: this weekend I am attending a "girls weekend" hosted by another friend of mine.  There will be five other ladies besides myself, all of whom except one are invited to my wedding.  A little background- I'm a few years out of college but have stayed exceptionally close with my high school friends, which is the group that this "girls weekend" will be comprised of.  Two of them are to this day my best friends and will be co-maids of honor, one of them will not be in the wedding party but we are still extremely close and see each other often, and one of them (the hostess- I'll call her girl #4 for future reference) I am honestly less close with, see only 2-3 times a year, and she really only barely made the cut for the guest list because 1) we were extremely close up until about five years ago and 2) she is still much closer with the other gals I'm inviting.  So that leaves the girl who is not invited- I see her about 2-3 times a year as well, almost always in the company of girl #4, but we didn't ever have the history of closeness and she isn't very close with any other girls in the group besides girl #4, which is why girl #4 got an invite and she didn't.  Oh and overall our wedding is super small, these four ladies plus two college friends are the only non-family being invited since we are on a relatively tight budget.  

So anyway, I don't know if you really needed all that information or not but my general query is just, how do I handle the awkwardness of hanging out with a bunch of people with whom the topic of my wedding will undoubtedly be part of the conversation when one of them is conspicuously not invited (and may not even be aware that she's not, since Save the Dates were just mailed out)?  Any advice for steering the conversation away from wedding talk/not making it super obvious she's the only one in the group not invited?  And finally, do I need to talk to her, either prior to this weekend or once invitations have been sent, and say upfront that she's not invited and why?  Any advice would be appreciated!


Re: Seeing A Friend Who Isn't Invited?

  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It is always impolite to point out that someone is not invited to an event. So no, you should not have a talk with her about how she is not invited. Avoid bringing up your wedding in conversation AT ALL around anyone who is not invited. If someone else asks you about it, you should answer their question concisely and then politely change the subject.
  • Hi all- this is my first time posting on these boards but I've enjoyed reading up on all y'alls conversations over the past few months of my engagement!

    My question is this: this weekend I am attending a "girls weekend" hosted by another friend of mine.  There will be five other ladies besides myself, all of whom except one are invited to my wedding.  A little background- I'm a few years out of college but have stayed exceptionally close with my high school friends, which is the group that this "girls weekend" will be comprised of.  Two of them are to this day my best friends and will be co-maids of honor, one of them will not be in the wedding party but we are still extremely close and see each other often, and one of them (the hostess- I'll call her girl #4 for future reference) I am honestly less close with, see only 2-3 times a year, and she really only barely made the cut for the guest list because 1) we were extremely close up until about five years ago and 2) she is still much closer with the other gals I'm inviting.  So that leaves the girl who is not invited- I see her about 2-3 times a year as well, almost always in the company of girl #4, but we didn't ever have the history of closeness and she isn't very close with any other girls in the group besides girl #4, which is why girl #4 got an invite and she didn't.  Oh and overall our wedding is super small, these four ladies plus two college friends are the only non-family being invited since we are on a relatively tight budget.  

    So anyway, I don't know if you really needed all that information or not but my general query is just, how do I handle the awkwardness of hanging out with a bunch of people with whom the topic of my wedding will undoubtedly be part of the conversation when one of them is conspicuously not invited (and may not even be aware that she's not, since Save the Dates were just mailed out)?  Any advice for steering the conversation away from wedding talk/not making it super obvious she's the only one in the group not invited?  And finally, do I need to talk to her, either prior to this weekend or once invitations have been sent, and say upfront that she's not invited and why?  Any advice would be appreciated!



    Just downplay it, answer the question, then change the topic.
  • Just a simple "Ahh, I don't want to talk about my wedding.  I'd rather hear more from you girls.  Girl # 4, how is work?"  Don't tell this odd girl out she isn't invited to your wedding.  It will be awkward for all.
  • Agree with PP's... if anything comes up, answer the question and immediately change the subject.  I know it's awkward, but surely there are a million other things going on in everyone's lives, including your own, and weddings don't have to be a topic of conversation at all.  It'll be fine! :) 
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  • Just a simple "Ahh, I don't want to talk about my wedding.  I'd rather hear more from you girls.  Girl # 4, how is work?"  Don't tell this odd girl out she isn't invited to your wedding.  It will be awkward for all.
    I think this is good wording.  Just mention the first time it's brought up that you're more interested in catching up than talking wedding stuff, and change the subject :)
  • Bring lots of bean dip.
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  • I agree with PPs, just give vague answers and if anyone presses for more details just say something like "Agh, if you can believe it, I'd honestly rather not talk anything 'wedding' this weekend---my FMIL is on me like a hawk about details all day every day, this is my temporary escape!" or something to that effect. Really, nobody likes being compared to the stereotypical MIL. 
  • Also could you maybe talk to the two friends you are really close with and asked them to just stay off the subject as much as possible.
  • This happened to me a crap ton (as the uninviting girl group acquaintance and as the bride). You'll be fine. If anyone asks, just give a generic "Oh planning's going fine answer. I'm actually trying to avoid the topic so I don't go nuts haha." If you don't give details, people tend to move on anyway.
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  • I have been in this scenario.  I just say stuff "Meh, that's boring.  What I REALLY want to know is how your mother is/if you are still thinking of moving/all about your dad's DUI/why does this latte taste so damn good??" etc etc.  The good ol' bean dip-n-dodge!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • Aww thanks so much y'all! This is all really good advice, and I definitely will give a heads-up to my two besties to help me steer clear of that subject!
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