How many Bridesmaids is too many bridesmaids?

JslynR · July 2014

Heeeelllllllllo everyone! I am newly engaged

SOOOOO QUESTION: How many is too many? lol!

I am so confused. I feel bad and do not want anyone feeling left out. Here's the deal I have 3 sisters, 4 bff's, 2 cousins, and my FI has 2 SIL's: totaling 11 bridesmaids. Oh and not to mention my stepdaughter who will be 18 (walking alone) and my daughter who will be 4 years old (flower girl).

HELLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

manateehugger · July 2014

JslynR said:

Heeeelllllllllo everyone! I am newly engaged

SOOOOO QUESTION: How many is too many? lol!
I am so confused. I feel bad and do not want anyone feeling left out. Here's the deal I have 3 sisters, 4 bff's, 2 cousins, and my FI has 2 SIL's: totaling 11 bridesmaids. Oh and not to mention my stepdaughter who will be 18 (walking alone) and my daughter who will be 4 years old (flower girl).

HELLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

I'm confused on what you mean by the 18 year old walking alone. Is she not a bridesmaid?

Anyway, you pick your bridesmaids based off on who you want standing next to you as you say your vows. If that's 11 people, it's 11 people. If it's 4 people, it's 4 people.

Are you close to FI's SIL's (are these your FI's in laws or your future in laws)? If not, do not ask them.

However, there are some other considerations. Can you afford 11 (potentially 22 with SO's) heads at a rehearsal dinner, 11 gifts, 11 bouquets, etc.?

AddieCake · July 2014

47 would be too many.

chibiyui · July 2014

I personally suggest you drop the worry about someone feeling left out. Life isn't fair, and not everyone gets to be a bridesmaid.

That said, if you can afford 11 bridesmaids, and you want 11 bridesmaids, have 11 bridesmaids. But don't have someone as a bridesmaid because you feel obligated.

MGP · July 2014

PDKH said:

show previous quotes

JslynR said:

Heeeelllllllllo everyone! I am newly engaged

SOOOOO QUESTION: How many is too many? lol!
I am so confused. I feel bad and do not want anyone feeling left out. Here's the deal I have 3 sisters, 4 bff's, 2 cousins, and my FI has 2 SIL's: totaling 11 bridesmaids. Oh and not to mention my stepdaughter who will be 18 (walking alone) and my daughter who will be 4 years old (flower girl).

HELLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

I'm confused on what you mean by the 18 year old walking alone. Is she not a bridesmaid?

Anyway, you pick your bridesmaids based off on who you want standing next to you as you say your vows. If that's 11 people, it's 11 people. If it's 4 people, it's 4 people.

Are you close to FI's SIL's (are these your FI's in laws or your future in laws)? If not, do not ask them.

However, there are some other considerations. Can you afford 11 (potentially 22 with SO's) heads at a rehearsal dinner, 11 gifts, 11 bouquets, etc.?

All of this, PLUS do the same thing for the groom's side. Say it's the same number (but uneven sides are not a requirement). That's 11 gifts, 11 boutonnieres, and properly hosting up to 22 MORE people (11 guys + SO's) for the rehearsal dinner. That's a grand total of 22 gifts, 22 floral things, and up to 44 people for the rehearsal dinner. Also remember to include the parents of any children participating in the wedding.

I think taking into account the rehearsal dinner is especially important because it is commonly hosted by someone other than the bride and groom. Really something to take into consideration when someone is graciously offering to host something for you if that's the case. My in laws did not host our rehearsal dinner, but there is no way I would have felt comfortable having them paying for almost 50 people just in the wedding party, even if they could afford it.

Just wanted to bring this up because some brides don't take all of this into account when choosing their wedding party and then they come on these boards and say "I can't afford to do all these things for everyone" and then tell people they have to come alone to the rehearsal dinner or cheap out on gifts. You have an obligation to host and treat people properly throughout your entire engagement and wedding, especially your nearest and dearest.

Bottom line is - if you want this many people and can afford it, go for it! But do not feel obligated or pressured to ask anyone. People will get over it, I promise. Also if your fiancé has an 18 year old daughter you guys are probably around my age and most people I know are WAY over the "wanting to be a bridesmaid" stage.

Another thing to consider - more people ALWAYS equals more drama.

(sorry Knot formatting sucks today)

JslynR · July 2014

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JslynR · July 2014

JslynR · July 2014

I'm confused on what you mean by the 18 year old walking alone. Is she not a bridesmaid?

Anyway, you pick your bridesmaids based off on who you want standing next to you as you say your vows. If that's 11 people, it's 11 people. If it's 4 people, it's 4 people.

Are you close to FI's SIL's (are these your FI's in laws or your future in laws)? If not, do not ask them.

However, there are some other considerations. Can you afford 11 (potentially 22 with SO's) heads at a rehearsal dinner, 11 gifts, 11 bouquets, etc.?

@PDKH - Sorry to not have cleared that up...she is a bridesmaid. Her Father would like to have her walk alone, after our flower girl.

Thank you definitely something to think about

manateehugger · July 2014

JslynR said:

@PDKH - Sorry to not have cleared that up...she is a bridesmaid. Her Father would like to have her walk alone, after our flower girl.
Thank you definitely something to think about.

Can I ask why? Does she want to be separated out like that? It just seems a little odd.

JslynR · July 2014

chibiyui said:

I personally suggest you drop the worry about someone feeling left out. Life isn't fair, and not everyone gets to be a bridesmaid. That said, if you can afford 11 bridesmaids, and you want 11 bridesmaids, have 11 bridesmaids. But don't have someone as a bridesmaid because you feel obligated.

@chibiyui - lol thank you! My MOH says the same thing. I guess that's why I have her as a MOH, she says it like it is, life isn't fair!!!! She believes that I shouldn't have neither one of the SILs. Something I definitely will reevaluate.

JslynR · July 2014

MGP said:

show previous quotes

All of this, PLUS do the same thing for the groom's side. Say it's the same number (but uneven sides are not a requirement). That's 11 gifts, 11 boutonnieres, and properly hosting up to 22 MORE people (11 guys + SO's) for the rehearsal dinner. That's a grand total of 22 gifts, 22 floral things, and up to 44 people for the rehearsal dinner. Also remember to include the parents of any children participating in the wedding.

I think taking into account the rehearsal dinner is especially important because it is commonly hosted by someone other than the bride and groom. Really something to take into consideration when someone is graciously offering to host something for you if that's the case. My in laws did not host our rehearsal dinner, but there is no way I would have felt comfortable having them paying for almost 50 people just in the wedding party, even if they could afford it.

Just wanted to bring this up because some brides don't take all of this into account when choosing their wedding party and then they come on these boards and say "I can't afford to do all these things for everyone" and then tell people they have to come alone to the rehearsal dinner or cheap out on gifts. You have an obligation to host and treat people properly throughout your entire engagement and wedding, especially your nearest and dearest.

Bottom line is - if you want this many people and can afford it, go for it! But do not feel obligated or pressured to ask anyone. People will get over it, I promise. Also if your fiancé has an 18 year old daughter you guys are probably around my age and most people I know are WAY over the "wanting to be a bridesmaid" stage.

Another thing to consider - more people ALWAYS equals more drama.

(sorry Knot formatting sucks today)

LOL!!! I have noticed that the formatting is off today! Thank you for the insight never really looked at it in that perspective. I wouldn't have our parents pay for our rehearsal dinner. I will definitely take all this into consideration. THANK YOU!!!! I'm a newby! I need to gather as much information as possible lol! Time to cut down my list

JslynR · July 2014

@PDKH - Honestly, I am not quite sure. He just felt that she can walk after our daughter (flower girl). I have considered pairing her up and I prefer it that way.

I am really just starting to put everything together. The only thing I have done so far was shop around for venues. I came on here for some insight. Things that I very well haven't given much thought too, for example, like the rehearsal dinner lol!

lyndausvi · July 2014

I had 9. That included my 2 SILs. I would not have changed a thing.

lc07 · July 2014

It's too many when you cannot afford to properly host them all. You should give all of them gifts. They should be thoughtful but can be inexpensive. You should invite all of them with their significant others to the RD and the wedding. Bouquets, hair and makeup if you are requiring it, or any other accessories like shoes and jewelry (which I don't think is appropriate to dictate anyway but others will disagree). If you want everyone to get ready together consider the cost of the hotel room and size it will require.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Ditto PPs: consider the cost, but choose based on closeness and who you want up there with you. I will have 8: 2 are my family, 2 Fi's family, four best friends. So far I am happy with my choice and I love every woman who will be standing up there. That's what's important.

caitlinmca · July 2014

We are having 3 each. I have 2 sisters, a step brother and then my step brothers wife. My fiance, has 3 sisters.

I chose to pick the sister who I am closest to, as well I don't talk to one at all anymore as my MOH, then I picked my fiances sister who I have became close to, and then I picked my cousin as bridesmaids. I have 1 sister from each side, and then my cousin/close friend of mine.

He is having his best friend from school be his best man. A friend from when they were in the Army together, and his future brother in law, also went to school and graduated together, be groomsmen.

MGP · July 2014

lc07 said:

It's too many when you cannot afford to properly host them all. You should give all of them gifts. They should be thoughtful but can be inexpensive. You should invite all of them with their significant others to the RD and the wedding. Bouquets, hair and makeup if you are requiring it, or any other accessories like shoes and jewelry (which I don't think is appropriate to dictate anyway but others will disagree). If you want everyone to get ready together consider the cost of the hotel room and size it will require.

We should make this topic a sticky. Too many brides think they can ask people to be in their wedding party and then just kick back while they spend money and plan parties in her honor. What they don't realize is that it's a two way street. In fact, if you do the right thing (like your list above) you probably end up spending more on them than they do on you. Which in my opinion, is what a bride should expect. Your guests should never feel like they have to pay "admission" to your wedding.

IrishPirate60 · July 2014

If you have more people standing at the altar with you than are sitting in the chairs, you have too many. And what everyone else said about properly hosting.

How many Bridesmaids is too many bridesmaids?

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