Two year engagement!

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Has anyone else had a two year engagement? If so, help.. My fiance and I are a young couple finishing school this Fall. We want to get into the "real world" and have a stable job before marrying.. This isn't a situation where we met in college, but instead we've been together since sophomore year of high school.. because of this I feel antsy and ready to get married and know he feels the same. Are we waiting too long? Does it look bad to those around us? I have no idea when to send out save-the-dates or host any sort of engagement party or bridal shower especially since everything has died down significantly since our March engagement with it noe being July. Help!

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

First, congrats on the engagement. Second, if two years feels right to you, it's right. Being financially stable is very important, and no one will side-eye that decision. Third - way, way to soon to start thinking about save the dates. Timelines are available everywhere. They will help keep you sane. Fourth - You will not host an engagement party or a shower of any kind. You can graciously accept an engagement party given on your behalf, and when it's time, the same for any bridal shower, but you should not be involved in planning said party/shower. You are not the host.

Congrats, enjoy this season of your engagement, and start working on things a little at a time. Set your budget first, so you both can start saving. That will help with decision-making down the road. And have fun here.

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

Also, for safety purposes, please consider changing your username so it doesn't have your first/last name.

MamaAlly89 · July 2014

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a 2 year engagement, especially when you are finishing school and have starting a new career to worry about. If anyone judges you for waiting they are in the wrong here. As far as all the wedding stuff goes... save the dates are typically sent out 6-8 months before the wedding. A bridal shower is held typically around the 2-3 month mark, but it really can be held anytime in the months leading up to the wedding. You don't host your own bridal shower though.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@schramm2407, Thanks! Everything is just dying down and I'm already getting comments about "dragging it out" and such, so I wasn't sure if I we were making the wrong decision or what..

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

As long as you and your FI are on the same page about when you're financially (and otherwise) prepared to get married, that is all that matters. If people ask, remind them that it is your decision and that you are in agreement on this.

Jells2dot0 · July 2014

I had a two year engagement twice! The first time was due to still being in school. I wanted to allow myself time to graduate, get settled in a new area, and have time at my new job prior to marrying. The second time was because we just could not decide where we wanted to get married. We eloped and had a DW, so noone else even knew what we were thinking and we could take our time without comments.

I did get comments the first time and it was really noone's business. I just stated "this is what we want" and left it at that.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

Haha, you make me laugh. Not in a bad way.

Fi and I got together in my sophomore year, his senior year, of high school and have been steady ever since. We will be getting married next spring after 12 years together. Fi will have just turned 30 and I'll be 27. So... nope... waiting until you graduate college and get a job is not weird at all.

For us, we knew I was going to law school and I took a detour along the way in a 2-year service teaching job. So we'll be getting married about 6 months after I start my "forever" career job as a lawyer.

If the timing is right for you, don't let the antsiness get to you. Yes, it's nice to be married (I hope), but it's also important to get established as adults before you start that new chapter together.

The engagement shower and bridal party are not things that you can host for yourself, so stop worrying about them. If your friends or family want to host them, they will.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@Jells2dot0, I love that the first plan you mentioned is what we're doing.. Definitely gives some comfort.

beethery · July 2014

Two year engagement is NBD! That's about what we're doing, could go longer if we decide to up our budget and save more.

CMGragain · July 2014

I met DH our sophomore year of high school, too. I dumped him the end of senior year because his engineer fussiness was driving me crazy, and his mother was a controlling nut case. We went to different colleges and I shopped around and fell desperately in love with the wrong man. DH never gave up, and I married him when we were 25, after a two month engagement. We have been happily married fore 38 years. He still fusses.
When we go to high school reunions, most of our classmates assume we were always together. There are four other high school honey couples from our class. One was divorced within a couple of years, but the others are all happy, and one guy became a state legislator.
Do what is best for you. Relax about wedding planning.
One piece of advice: Do NOT choose wedding party members until 9 months out. Choosing bridesmaids and groomsmen early causes drama.

ohmrs2014 · July 2014

DH and I had a two year and 10 month engagement. We took our time. He was freelancing so it wasn't steady work and I was trying to find a teaching job in a district. Everything fell into place about 10 months later for him and since he was making great money, we didn't wait until I found a better job, though it happened 6 months before our wedding. When we started planning, we still picked a date two years out because it worked for us.

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

DH and I had a 2+ year engagement before we got married earlier this month. We'd been together practically forever (12.5 years next week), but I hadn't ever really planned on getting married - and therefore never saved towards it or anything. So we took our time, saved the money we would need without sacrificing the lifestyle we were accustomed to, and had our wedding paid off well before the day actually arrived. Had we not waited that long, we definitely would have had a wedding that was much different than the one we had - or put ourselves into a hole of debt to have the stereotypical "dream" wedding.

If anyone criticizes your plans, they're the ones being ridiculous. You and your FI should move forward at a pace that is right for you guys!

Knottie37373131 · July 2014

My engagement will be a year and 10 months. We planned for about two years, it just so happened that our date worked really well for us, so we chose a little sooner. There is nothing wrong with a two-year engagement, and once you make it past the first year I feel like the "marriage" part becomes really real as you can finally really start making some decisions.

smalfrie19 · July 2014

My FI and I just had the two year anniversary of our engagement on the 10th and we still have 3 months to go. Do what is best for you. Be careful how soon in advance you start planning because you will drive yourself crazy with the details. Just enjoy being engaged and enjoy the journey with your FI.

larrygaga · July 2014

I have a two year engagement and it gave us time to save money and plan slowly. Nobody ever said to us that it was too long! Except my dad. He wanted me to wait another 6 years to get married. I think that's just a dad with his daughter, though. lol!

raissyrais · July 2014

I've had a two year engagement...actually longer! We got engaged Sept 1t 2012 and our wedding is on January 10th 2015. Remember that couples divorce first because of financial problems. You and FI waiting to be financially stable is VERY mature and safe. There's no need to rush in marriage if you know what your priorities are. You know you will be together forever, and trust me two years go by very very fast! Why don't you give yourself a date/month for a potential wedding? That might help you out.

AddieCake · July 2014

We had a 2-year engagement b/c I was too busy with work the whole first year to even be in the mood to start planning.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

Im thinking this is more and more common and you have nothing to worry about OP! Every relationship is different. My coworker was engaged for 3 years before getting married. My friend was engaged for about a month. FI and I will have been engaged for a bit over a year and eight months by the time our wedding rolls around in early November. Do what is best for you.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

raissyrais, we've actually set a date and location amongst other details.

raissyrais · July 2014

@awilbornwedding That's great! And how does that make you and FI feel?

atlastmrsg · July 2014

Mine was 1.5 years. I was so happy about that--gave me time to save for and plan a much more luxe wedding than if we had done it immediately. Follow all the normal timetables about sending STDs and invites. And now you don't have to rush to get everything done!

KatieinBkln · July 2014

My engagement is almost two years (more like a year and a half) just because my FI proposed in January but we wanted a summer wedding (and I was NOT going to plan it in under a year, ha!).

Try not to worry what people think. People like to think stupid things no matter how long you're engaged. If you have a short engagement, people assume you're pregnant. If it's long, they assume you aren't sure. If it's completely "average," they assume you're both pregnant AND have cold feet. Or something. Seriously, some idiot is going to think/say something dumb, but it will literally have no bearing on any actual decision you made. That's just their idiot brain connecting with their rude mouth to create shenanigans.

Get married whenever you and your FI want to, however you want to. If it takes 2 years to plan and execute, then take two years! If you want to get married ASAP, hop on down to the JOP (just don't have a PPD, those are silly). Certain people will make shit up regardless, so do you.

smgold6 · July 2014

My FI and I will be engaged for 21 months by the time we get married and honestly I'm so glad we chose to wait that long. It gave me a ton of time to plan what I wanted and be able to save up money for everything. It's not for everyone but if it's what you and your FI want then go for it!

Two year engagement!

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