Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asking the Best Man to step down...

gallagarten13gallagarten13 member
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  

Re: Asking the Best Man to step down...

  • Why would you have asked him if you had these reservations? It's too late now and honestly doesn't seem that big of a deal. 
    jenniferurs
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Asking him to step down will end the friendship. And I agree that these "issues" have been known for awhile now, it's your FI's fault for asking him knowing all this. 

    Your FI should have a convo with him on how he's not comfortable with having people he doesn't know and aren't invited to the wedding at his bachelor party. If going to Vegas makes him uncomfortable, he should mention that as well. Your FI can always decline any bachelor parties. 

    Otherwise, all the BM has to do is show up on time, in a designated suit/tux reasonably sober. Maybe hold the rings. Thats it. 
    image



    Anniversary
    luckysnorkel
  • Why DD?!  Nobody was remotely mean!
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    [Deleted User]
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Did you think Tom's behavior would change since he was made your BM?  It seems like this is always how Tom acts, so why are you so surprised.  If you are truly concerned about Tom's use of weed and alcohol, then speak to him about his issues.  Leave the wedding out of it. 
    RebeccaB88lc07Blue_Bird
  • You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  
    Why because people did not agree with what you wanted to do? You knew these things about Tom but he was asked anyway. I suggest you think things through more thoroughly before making any decisions pertaining to your wedding. 

    BTW, you said in your OP "Please, we will take any advice you can give."  Obviously you don't want to hear advice. You just want your bad ideas validated. You will learn that does not happen on the etiquette board.


    PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88Bubblegum5586[Deleted User]
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2014
    You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  
    image
    image



    Anniversary
    offensivekitten2ashley8918NYCMercedes
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    PPs were totally helpful and gave thoughtful suggestions for how to make the best of the situation.  It's really rude to DD your post.  

    Don't ask for advice if you don't really want it.  You'll find lots of support and correct etiquette advice here, but no validation of rude ideas.

    Asking the BM to step down is definitely a friendship-ending move.  It sounds like you want to remain friends, so I would suggest you don't ask him to step down.  Your Fi can decline any bach parties he feels uncomfortable with.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    luckysnorkelRebeccaB88
  • I really think some of these people don't read anything here before they post. I don't get it.
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    steph861RebeccaB88
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    larrygaga said:
    zitiqueen said:
    You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  
    Yeah, about that...
    THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS TO THINK BUT I GOT HER I DID
    Well done, quick draw :-)
    larrygagachibiyui
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  
    You got plenty of help. You just decided you don't want to do the right thing. No one's fault here.
  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I don't understand the issue here. If you're still willing to keep him as a groomsman, why wouldn't you keep him as a best man? The responsibilities are really no different. Your fiancé is free to decline any bachelor party he feels uncomfortable attending and other than that, I can't see what else would be expected of Tom that'd differ from any other groomsman. You're worried he'll be high and drunk for his speech? Tell him that you guys have decided to extend the honor to FI's cousin, since he's also an important part of the family. Pretty simply really. But it's completely rude to rescind the invitation to hold such a place of honor in your wedding and nobody is going to validate that idea, simply because you and your fiancé made a misjudgment and acted rashly and with little foresight.
    RebeccaB88lc07luckysnorkeljules3964
  • Viczaesar said:
    You weren't nearly as helpful/insightful as I would have hoped.  Deleted the post.  Thanks, anyway.  
    I'm so sorry, OP, but this is the Etiquette board. 
    You seem to have mistaken it for the Please Tell Me Only What I Want To Hear board. 

    You will find that board by typing the words "Wedding Wire" into your google search.

    My insight is that you should step outside with Tom and take a toke. (Mostly kidding.)
    On the upside, sloth farm boot camp candidate!
    Challenge: Best of the Best.

    Each boot camp bride must step into the shoes of the BM or MOH and perform all "duties" she thinks are required to the best of her ability.  Commence elaborate crafting and bach parties. An obstacle course with pools of Jell-O, banana hammocks, tiaras, pageant sashes, and tutus.  

    In the end, the bride who shows up sober in appropriate attire wins.
    Damn! That's an excellent episode. 
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